


Old Friends, New Emotions

by AGirlNamedEd



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Bad Flirting, F/M, Getting Over Her, Introspection, M/M, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Please don't judge me, Puar is a good friend, Unresolved Sexual Tension, a lot of gross sobbing from the author, all nsfw chapters are clearly marked so you can skip them if you need to, like the worst, so is Bulma there's just more laughing at your suffering involved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-04-19 13:48:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 44,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4748669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGirlNamedEd/pseuds/AGirlNamedEd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been years since they broke up for good, but Yamcha's still struggling with his feelings for Bulma. He decides to try repairing their friendship, hoping that by having a stronger platonic relationship he can finally get over her and move on with his life. Which is all well and good...except that he's pretty sure Tien is flirting with him. And Yamcha can't figure out how he feels about that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Those Old Emotions

**Author's Note:**

> So this started out as a goofy rarepair fic and became a full-blown multichapter monstrosity with things like introspection and character things? There's just not enough for this ship and I am _thirsty_.
> 
> Also: this takes place during the Battle of Gods/Resurrection F timeline because Super hasn't gotten very far as of this writing. Also because shut up I liked Battle of Gods.

Yamcha sat in the chair across from Bulma's desk, looking anywhere but at her. She leaned on her desk, chin propped in her hand, looking at him with steel wariness in her eyes. He clasped and unclasped his hands in his lap, sucked in a deep breath, and finally managed to say something.

"So how are you?"

Bulma's face fell flat. "Really, Yamcha?" she said. "Really? You come all this way to my office to talk to me and that's what you lead with?"

"Cut me some slack," he sighed, slouching in his seat. "I'm a martial artist, not a conversationalist."

"And not even a very good martial artist at that," she retorted, leaning back and crossing her arms. "Why are you here?"

"First of all," Yamcha said, "I'm not _that_ bad of a martial artist." To Bulma's credit, she did _try_ to not smirk knowingly at him. "I'm just sort of outclassed by all these aliens running around."

"Hey, I'm _married_ to one of those aliens, so watch your tone."

"I didn't--" He sighed. "I didn't mean anything by it, Bulma." He was starting to think this was a bad idea. "Alright, look, I'm here because I want to--and this is going to sound really stupid--I want to be friends again."

There was a brief, awkward silence. "You're right," Bulma finally said, "that does sound really stupid when you put it like that. You sound straight out of a bad rom com."

Yamcha stood up. "I knew this was a bad idea. You always get all huffy about everything."

Bulma was on her feet in seconds. "I do _not_ get huffy! I get understandably upset. Besides, I was just agreeing with you." She pointed to his chair. "Sit down, you big dope, I'm just messing with you." To make her point, she sat behind her desk again, crossing her legs and looking up at Yamcha like she was going to just wait patiently for him to comply.

He sat.

"So do you want to tell me _why_ you want to try being friends again all of a sudden?" Bulma asked. "I mean, we went several years not talking to each other and things seemed okay then."

Yamcha frowned and scratched his chin. "Sure, things have been 'okay' since you and Vegeta...well, you know." He still wasn't comfortable talking about his onetime girlfriend's relationship with his onetime enemy.

"Had a kid and got married?" Bulma supplied. "In that order?"

"That, yeah." Yamcha ran a hand through his hair. He'd been growing it out again, but it still wasn't quite as long as he liked it. "They've been 'okay,' but I don't see people a lot, you know? I mean, you have people over a lot, and Master Roshi has get-togethers all the time, but half the time I'm working and the other half all we do is fight."

Bulma nodded and rolled her eyes. "It's the Saiyans, I'm telling you. Damn testosterone-fuelled fighting machines, the lot of them. Except maybe Gohan."

"I just..." Yamcha sighed. "I miss you, Bulma. I know it can't be like it used to, you're married, but for the longest time you were one of my closest friends. We can't date anymore, and I know that, and I'm fine with that." He wasn't. But there was no way in Hell he was telling her that. "But we can still be friends, right?"

She propped her chin on her hand again and looked him over. "Yamcha...we were never going to work out. I think we both knew that."

He slumped. "Yeah."

"And who was the one who cheated on who, again? Oh right, _you_ cheated on _me_."

Yamcha cringed. He was surprised that hadn't already come up in the conversation. "To be fair, I didn't _actually_ cheat on you."

"No, but you sure made it seem like you had." Yamcha wanted to add that she was the one who blew a fan talking to him and him getting flustered about it out of proportion, but decided it wasn’t a good time. Bulma stood up and came around the desk, leaning one hip against it and folding her arms. He looked up at her. Even all these years later, she was still gorgeous. "And now, after all this time, you want to repair what we had."

"To an extent."

"To an extent," she acknowledged. She studied his face, and he met her eyes, refusing to shrink away from her piercing blue gaze. "Why now? What made you decide to finally try and fix things?"

He stood up too. If nothing else, he could at least have the advantage of height, something Bulma was no doubt used to having since she was taller than everyone in her family. "To be honest, it wasn't my idea."

She snorted. "Great. Thanks."

"No, that's not--that's not what I mean!" Yamcha's fists clenched. "Look, I was talking to Tien and reminiscing about old times." _About you_ was what he really meant, but he decided not to bring that up. "And he said he noticed we didn't get along when we met up. So I told him about our history, and he and Chiaotzu convinced me to come here and try and talk it out." He forced himself to slowly relax his hands. "So yeah, it wasn't really my idea, but if they hadn't pushed me, I don't think I would've had the balls to do it in the first place."

A knowing smirk settled on Bulma's face and she nodded. "Yeah, walking into the company where your ex is the CEO and chief engineer and trying to patch up a decade-old relationship failure is pretty ballsy, I'll give you that."

"To be honest, it's mostly because you're scary when you're mad that I was so hesitant," Yamcha admitted. "Even when we were teenagers you were definitely not someone to piss off."

"You're damn right I'm not." She nodded once, proud. "So you want to make it up to me, huh?" She tapped her chin. "Well...for old time's sake, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try starting over."

A huge grin spread across Yamcha's face. "Really?"

"Sure, why not?" Bulma shrugged, smiling. "You're a pretty good guy, Yamcha, all things considered." She leaned in conspiratorially. "Just make sure you don't get on Vegeta's radar too much. I think he thinks I still have latent feelings for you and I'm going to leave him one day. He doesn't say anything, but I know how he is."

Yamcha laughed awkwardly. "Right, yeah. Wouldn't want anyone thinking we still have feelings for each other or anything, right?"

She reached up and patted him on the shoulder. "Look, Yamcha, this is great, and I'm glad we're going to try being friends again, really I am. But I need to get back to work. Capsule Corp doesn't run itself, you know."

"Right. Yeah. Okay." Yamcha held out his hand. "I'll call you?"

She clasped his hand and shook it firmly. Her hand was so small in his, and he wasn't even a particularly large person. It made him want to reach out and hold her like he used to, and he fought to keep his face neutral as the old emotions started surfacing again. "Sure. That'd be nice." Bulma released his hand and went behind her desk again, a subtle cue that the conversation was over.

Yamcha turned and headed for the door. "Alright. I'll see you around, then--"

"Oh, hey! Yamcha, hold on a second!"

He turned to see her digging through a desk drawer. She straightened and tossed a piece of paper at him. It fluttered uselessly to the floor in front of her desk. "Dammit." She came around, picked it up, and handed it to Yamcha. "My birthday's in a few weeks, so I'm throwing a party. You can come if you want." She said it casually, but Yamcha had known her long enough to know when she was being casual on purpose. He looked at the paper. It was white with a blue border (the same shade as Bulma's hair, he noticed), with the words "BIRTHDAY" and "BINGO" written in huge letters several times. Crammed in in smaller print were things like date and time. Bulma was a genius engineer, but graphic design was definitely not her strong suit. The whole thing looked like it had been made by Trunks. _Actually,_ Yamcha thought, _Trunks probably could have designed a better invitation._ "You don't have to get me anything," Bulma added as he looked the invitation over. "But there's going to be a bingo tournament with cool prizes! And lots of food, mostly because I've invited the Sons."

Yamcha tucked the colourful invitation into his pocket. "Thanks, Bulma." He was touched by the gesture, even if it was a hasty, last-minute addition to her probably enormous guest list. "I'll definitely be there if I can get the day off work."

She eyed him. "You work a lot, huh?"

"Two jobs," he confirmed. "Me and Puar are freelance bodyguards, and I work on Tien's farm sometimes. Keeps the rent paid."

"Hm." Bulma stepped back. "Well, I need to get back to work. I'll see you in a couple weeks!"

Yamcha gave her a small wave before slipping out the door.

~~~

"Well? How did it go?"

Yamcha flopped face first onto his thrift store couch. "Fine. We've decided to have a go at being friends again."

Puar beamed at him. "That's great!" She floated over and poked at his face. "So why are you still so miserable looking?"

"Thanks, Puar, you're a real pal," he muttered, pushing himself up and rolling onto his back. "I'm just tired, that's all. Capsule Corp is on the other side of West City, after all."

She didn't look convinced. "I see," she said. "Well, I'm going to make us some tea. When you feel like talking about what's _really_ going on in that head of yours, just let me know." Before Yamcha could even figure out what to say, Puar had flown off into the tiny kitchen.

Yamcha threw his arm over his face and sighed. _When I know what's really going on in my head, Puar,_ he thought, _you'll be the first to know._


	2. Working For a Living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamcha's jobs are the worst. As a bodyguard, he has to deal with people trying to kidnap his clients and getting shot at. At the farm, he has to deal with Tien.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't look at me.

For the most part, being a bodyguard wasn't too difficult. Yamcha couldn't bench press a planet like Goku, but compared to the average human he was still pretty tough. Add Puar's shapeshifting abilities to the mix, and they were a team not to be reckoned with.

Of course, there were always going to be a few idiots who actually tried reckoning with them.

"That's the third kidnapping attempt tonight," Puar sighed. "This is starting to get ridiculous."

Yamcha agreed, though he felt "starting" was an understatement. They'd only been on this particular job for a few hours and their client, one Miss Tracy Dickson, had been attacked twice, nearly kidnapped three times, and received countless death threats. When they asked her why so many people wanted her dead, or at least "gone" as one note had said, she just shrugged and said "I've uncovered something big, but I can't talk about it. I just need you to keep me here and alive while I figure a few things out." So far, all they knew about her was that she was a private detective with a knack for solving mysteries but who couldn't fight her way out of a paper bag. "That's where you come in, sweetie," she'd said when she first hired them.

Tracy seemed completely unconcerned at the fact that she'd almost been kidnapped again and was scouring some document or other at her desk, ignoring everything around her. Not much seemed to phase her, not even the fact that one of her bodyguards was a flying, talking, shapeshifting cat, although Yamcha supposed that was the least weird thing in his life at the moment anyway. Yamcha sent Puar out to check the office building's perimeter again while he secured the room's exits.

He was looking out the window so he could let Puar back in when she came up when Tracy let out a shriek. Yamcha whirled, instinctively dropping into a fighting stance, but she had shot up out of her chair and was clutching a paper with both hands, staring at it. He did a quick scan of the room just to be sure, let Puar in since she was tapping the window glass, and cleared his throat. "Miss Dickson?"

She spun to face him, still clutching the paper. "Yamcha, I need to get to the police department _right away_."

Yamcha glanced at Puar, who shrugged. He took a little comfort in the fact that she was just as in the dark as him. "Well, I don't exactly have a car."

Tracy was stuffing papers in a briefcase. "That's fine, we'll walk. You just keep me from dying or being kidnapped on the way, got it?"

This whole thing was starting to sound tedious. Walking the streets of West City at night was dangerous enough if you weren't being sent death threats. He turned to Puar. "Puar, can you become a magic carpet again?"

She shrugged. "Sure. Better than walking the whole way there." With a backflip and a puff of air, a blue rug with Puar's face was floating just off the ground.

Yamcha helped Tracy onto carpet-Puar, then they took off out the office door, swooshed down the stairwell, and were halfway down the street in a minute flat. There were gunshots coming at them from down the street, and Yamcha spotted a man firing at them from an alleyway, taking him out with a quick Kamehameha. "Puar, take us as high as you can," he called.

"Right! Hold on, Miss Dickson!" Yamcha grabbed the edge of the carpet, and Tracy grabbed Yamcha, and Yamcha really hoped no one he knew would see them as Puar rocketed upwards.

Yamcha felt like he was in a car chase from some kind of bad action film. Puar swerved through the air to avoid bullets and traffic (though there wasn't much traffic at this time of night), he was firing energy blasts at snipers, they were still being shot at, and Tracy was clinging to his arm and her briefcase with white knuckles. By the time they arrived at the police station and ushered her inside, he was torn between whether his life was too weird or whether the weirdness in his life was subsiding a little bit.

~~~

"And this is just a regular thing for you now?"

Tien Shinhan was leaning on his hoe, watching Yamcha talk animatedly about his job from the other night. He looked passive for the most part, but one corner of his mouth was tipped up in a grin. "I'm glad _you_ find it amusing," Yamcha grumbled, using his own hoe to knock Tien's out from under him. As expected, Tien didn't even falter and smoothly bent to retrieve it. "It felt like a crappy escort mission in a video game."

"It sounded great, though." Tien stretched his arms over his head and made a satisfied noise when his back cracked. "And hey, she probably paid well, right?"

Yamcha shrugged and dug his hoe into the soil. "She's a freelancer herself, so not really. She only hired us for the one night. We have another job lined up for next week, and it's a long-term one with possibility of extension, so that's good, but in the meantime I have bills to pay, you know?"

Tien hummed and went back to work. "Sure. By the way, how goes the phobia of women?"

"Better, I guess. If it's for work, I'm okay, but if it's anything personal, I'm shot." _Unless it's Bulma,_ he thought, but he'd known Bulma for a very long time.

"Ever think about going back to that host club?" Tien had the stupidest shit-eating smirk on his face that he always got when he brought up Yamcha's brief stint as a host. It wasn't even a very big smile, but it would forever rub Yamcha the wrong way.

" _No._ " Yamcha scowled at him. "You are such a dick."

Tien shrugged. "You're the one who decided working in a host club was a good idea. I'm just gonna be the guy who never lets it go. Ever. It'll be part of my speech at your wedding."

"Hell no, you do _not_ get to speak at my wedding. In fact, I'm not sure you're even invited."

"Can I come?" Chiaotzu asked, flying over with a basket of turnips.

Yamcha grinned up at him. "Sure, Chiaotzu. As long as your plus one isn't this asshole." He jabbed his thumb at Tien.

"Fair enough!" Chiaotzu flew off.

Tien just laughed his quiet laugh and got back to work.

Yamcha always liked coming out to Tien and Chiaotzu's farm. Puar didn't usually come with him, using the time he was away to run errands without his "big dumb face hovering over her" the whole time. She had also admitted that Chiaotzu still sort of creeped her out. Yamcha didn't mind and came to the farm with or without her as often as he could get away with. Away from all the noise and hubbub of West City, he could pretend he didn't have as hectic and hellish a life as he did. Back when he was a bandit, he'd spend days, sometimes weeks, at a time with no company except Puar, and he'd always been fine with that--not too many people at the same time, no women to freak out about, nothing he couldn't handle coming his way. It wasn't that he regretted leaving the desert with Bulma and Goku and Oolong, but he missed certain aspects of his life then. Things like working outdoors, getting dirty, climbing onto the roof of the makeshift house they'd had to look at the stars every so often. Being better at fighting than someone. Working on the farm with Tien gave him a few of those things back.

He'd never admit it to anyone, but the one thing he really missed about living in the desert was the stars. It was so easy to get lost in them for hours and wake up cold and groggy just before dawn. West City's lights drowned them out, and while he liked living there since it was convenient and he didn't have to resort to robbing people to make a living, he did miss those desert nights where he just looked at the stars and thought about things.

On one visit to Tien and Chiaotzu's, Yamcha had sat on top of their house for a little while and watched the sky, trying to sort things out. After a few minutes, Tien had joined him, with Chiaotzu following a while later. None of them said much, but the company had been nice.

A clod of dirt smacked into the back of his head. "Wake up, dumbass," Tien's voice said. Yamcha did his best to swipe the dirt out of his hair, embarrassed at being caught daydreaming on the job. Tien was a few feet away, his hoe over his shoulder, and Yamcha still had half a row to go. "You're clearly getting too old for this," Tien teased. "Falling asleep on the job! Really!"

"You're the same age as me!" Yamcha snapped, smashing his hoe into the dirt. Great, his face was probably bright red. "Besides, my training with Master Roshi all those years ago was harder than this!"

"Uh-huh." Tien turned and headed for the house. "When you're done, come inside and wash up. It's Chiaotzu's turn to cook, so we're having tenshindon tonight."

Still red-faced, Yamcha nodded and got back to work. Maybe, if Tien let him stay late, he'd go out to watch the stars again.


	3. Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching the stars with a friend is a good way to relax. Unless you have a million issues and no idea how to deal with them. And your friend has no idea either. And your friend is flirting with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Tien flirting is great because he is terrible at flirting and I am _the worst_ at flirting so I find this relateable a bit.  
>  Also: starting with the next chapter I'm upping the rating to M because of Things. It's really the only chapter so far that deserves an M rating but I just want to be safe. Letting you know now. And whatnot.

Dinner was nice. Chiaotzu could always be counted on to make excellent tenshindon. The three of them chatted amiably over supper, catching up on one another's lives. Apparently, Chiaotzu's psychic powers put him in high demand for other farmers in the area around plowing and harvesting times, so he tended to help them out for some extra cash. He'd been doing that a lot lately, so Tien ended up doing most of the work on their own farm. "I don't really mind," Tien said. "Growing extra arms makes work happen a lot faster." He nudged Yamcha's elbow. "I appreciate the help today, though. I've been getting a little behind."  
Yamcha grinned. It was nice to be appreciated.

After dinner, Yamcha asked if it would be okay to sit up on the roof. Tien nodded from where he was doing dishes in the sink. Chiaotzu didn't say anything; he'd buried himself in a book. The first time Yamcha asked that, a few years ago, they both looked at him like he'd announced his engagement to Piccolo. By now, though, they were used to it. He really only asked out of courtesy. Yamcha had never explained his reasons for wanting to use their roof as a stargazing spot, but they seemed to understand the sentiment.

The sky wasn't entirely clear, but it was clear enough that the stars were plentiful and bright. Yamcha perched gingerly on the slanted roof and hugged his knees to his chest, gazing upwards. This was exactly what he needed: time to think, time to breathe. It was so hard in West City to find that--everything was always go go go, and while that was good in some ways, it also meant Yamcha didn't get much time to just stop. He was active by nature, but even the most active people needed to have at least a little downtime.

There was a noise to his right, and he looked over to see Tien touch down next to him. They gave each other a slight nod, then Yamcha looked back up at the sky. The two of them sat in companionable silence for a while before Tien spoke up.

"You planning on going to Bulma's birthday party tomorrow?"

Yamcha shrugged, still looking upwards. "Yeah, but I haven't talked to her much since she invited me, so it might still be kind of weird." As much as he wanted to repair his relationship with one of his oldest friends, he wasn't sure a birthday party with everyone there and (knowing Bulma) freely flowing alcohol was the right place to start. "Are you?"

"Yeah, Chiaotzu and I are both going. She said we don't need to get her anything, but we'd feel awkward turning up empty-handed. So we got her a new toolbox. It took a long time to find one that would match her hair."

Yamcha grinned and stretched out so he was lying on his back. "Oh, she'll love that. Fashion and machinery are her two big loves." He paused. "And her family," he added, "she loves them more than anything, I think." Tien looked down at him. Yamcha tucked his arms behind his head and steadfastly refused to look at him. It took a lot to admit that. The only reason he'd said it at all was because he knew he could tell Tien anything and it would never be repeated without Yamcha's permission. Truth be told, he still distrusted Vegeta. Trunks was a great kid (a bit obnoxious, but great), though, and when push came to shove Vegeta could be counted on to protect the Briefs, but Yamcha was definitely still not over their marriage.

Tien didn't say anything. When Yamcha glanced at him, he was watching him, that carefully schooled neutral look on his face. Yamcha's stomach flipped over. He hated when Tien looked at him like that; he knew the wheels were turning but he had no idea what was going on in his head. "You're not over her, are you" was all Tien said. It wasn't a question.

Yamcha searched Tien's face for any sign that he was going to make fun of him over it. Finding nothing, he nodded. "I'm really not." And if admitting that Bulma loved Vegeta and Trunks more than anything was hard, admitting out loud that he wasn't over her was even worse.

There was another silence. Tien looked away first. "I'm honestly not sure what I'm supposed to say here," he admitted. "I don't have any relationship experience."

Yamcha tried to grin impishly at him, but even he could tell it was weak and forced. "Not even Launch?"

Tien groaned and covered his face with his hand like he always did when she got brought up. " _No_ , not even her. You are such a jerk. Here I am, trying to be nice even though I have no idea what you're going through, and you're making fun of me. The nerve."

Yamcha sat up, sliding back up the roof a bit. "It's just...I don't know, man, I miss her, but I'm not sure I miss what we had, you know? It's complicated."

"No shit," Tien snorted.

"I mean, well, we weren't good for each other; I can say that now, looking back. We fought all the time when we were together, but we'd get along so well during our breaks from each other that we'd forget how much we fought..." Yamcha sighed. "At the time it really hurt, her having a kid with the guy basically responsible for me _dying_ , and now they're _married_ and they _live_ together and everything is terrible." He hugged his knees to his chest and propped his chin on them. "I'm glad she's happy and everything, but it still sucks balls." He glanced over at Tien, who had all three eyes trained on him again. "And honestly, I know we weren't good for each other, but I can't really think that Vegeta is much better."

Tien shrugged. "I understand, but people can change, Yamcha."

"I know that," Yamcha said. _We're living proof,_ he thought, but he wouldn't say it out loud. He was an ex-bandit, and when he and Tien had first met, Tien had broken Yamcha's leg out of sheer spite. Except Yamcha left his bandit life behind for a normal life with Bulma in the city, and Tien had worked hard, harder than anyone Yamcha had ever seen, to make it up to him and Goku and everyone else and win their trust. Vegeta had changed a lot, too, but Yamcha privately felt that whatever Vegeta did, however hard he tried, it would never be enough for him. Sure, maybe that was his feelings for Bulma talking, but until Vegeta stopped being an asshole at literally all times, Yamcha was going to quietly disapprove. There wasn't much else he could do: Vegeta could snap him in half without breaking a sweat, and Bulma was a hurricane of rage when crossed. "I still don't see why she's stayed with him all these years" was all he said instead.

"Maybe he's just better in bed than you," Tien offered.

Yamcha's laugh was hollow. "Thanks, man, that means a lot. Rich, too, coming from you."

Tien didn't say anything, and Yamcha looked over at him. He was frowning. "What do you mean?"

Yamcha waved a hand airily. "Mr. 'No Experience With Relationships' over here? You probably wouldn't know what technique was if it jumped up and down in front of you with a neon sign."

All three eyes narrowed. "Is that a challenge?"

The humor quickly dissipated as blood rushed to Yamcha's face. "What? No! I was just--no! I'm just saying you've probably never even had sex before; how would you know--whatever." He buried his face in his arms and racked his brain for a topic change.

He felt an elbow nudge his shoulder. "What, are you going to prove me wrong?"

His head shot up, face red. Tien was teasing him, right? That wasn't a teasing tone of voice, but that was what was happening, right? He was giving Yamcha that damn carefully passive look again; he had no idea what he was thinking. After gawping like an idiot for a few minutes, he licked his suddenly dry lips and said "I don't need to. I know I'm right."

There was a pause that was just long enough to be noticeable. Then Tien punched him in the shoulder. "I was joking, Yamcha," he said. Yamcha wasn't entirely sure he was. His face was still deliberately stoic.

He hurriedly changed the subject. The tension slowly drained and the atmosphere went back to almost normal. They stayed on the roof, talking and watching the stars, but it wasn't long before Yamcha had to leave. By the time he said his goodbyes and took off for West City, it was already late. And on his long flight back home, he couldn't get Tien's words to stop rolling around in his head.


	4. A Slight Identity Crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, you just need to relieve some tension.  
> Or should I say TIEN-sion.  
> ...  
> I'm sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry at all.  
> THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT. WITH THE PORN AND THE DICKS AND THINGS. So yeah. Warning. The rating's going up too just to be sure and I will make sure to add appropriate tags (if I tag something incorrectly please let me know). To make everything better it's masturbation involving dicks written by an asexual virgin who does not have a dick. So yeah. Have fun?

Puar was asleep on the couch when Yamcha got home. A glance at the clock told him why. It was a good thing Bulma's party didn't start until the afternoon; he wouldn't be getting up until noon if he stayed up any later. He snuck into the bedroom as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake Puar. He had no idea how long she'd been asleep. She usually slept with him on the futon, but if she was comfortable enough to fall asleep on the couch he wouldn't wake her. If she woke up in the night and wanted to move to the futon with him, that was fine. A few minutes later Yamcha had stripped to his boxers before turning the light out and climbing into bed.

Yamcha didn't usually have trouble sleeping. His jobs were physically demanding enough that by the time he went to bed most nights he dropped off almost immediately. For some reason, though, he couldn't seem to fall asleep. No position was comfortable enough, he was too hot with the covers on and too cold without them, and his cheap futon had a lump in it that dug into his side. Generally, he didn't notice those things and just fell asleep right away. But if he was being honest with himself, he knew the real reason he was uncomfortable and couldn't sleep: he just couldn't get Tien out of his head.

_Is that a challenge?_

Yamcha groaned and flipped onto his back again. Tien hadn't meant that. He _hadn't_. At least not in the way Yamcha thought he meant. He was fairly certain that Tien was asexual (although he'd never actually asked him about it), so he was probably not propositioning Yamcha. It was more than likely that he wasn't.

_What, are you going to prove me wrong?_

Tien had been so _close_ when he said that. He'd practically murmured it into Yamcha's ear. He tossed his blanket aside for the eighth time and stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to convince himself that Tien wasn't coming on to him. Maybe he was remembering wrong or exaggerating things in his memory. There was no way Tien had actually sounded that sensual...

Fuck it, he decided, there was no way he would fall asleep like this. He needed to relieve some tension.

Generally, Yamcha found jerking off with Puar in the next room incredibly awkward, so he didn't do it unless she wasn't home. But she was asleep, and at this point he found he didn't care. He was too wound up. He tugged off his boxers and refused to think about the fact that he was already half-hard. Wrapping a hand around himself, he tried to focus on some movie star or even just the sensation, but his mind kept wandering back to that same damn person every time.

Tien had large hands, hands that Yamcha knew could probably beat him to a pulp, but they could be so gentle. Yamcha sucked in a breath as he imagined that strong, gentle touch on him, Tien's hands everywhere and oh he could grow more hands and that _definitely_ had some non-battle applications. He stroked faster, imagining Tien exploring Yamcha's body with his mouth as well as his hands, and he drew in a shuddering breath as he shifted his hips to thrust into his hand. He could practically feel Tien there, hear him murmuring in his ear as he touched and stroked him, and it took Yamcha biting down on his less busy hand to keep him from groaning and waking Puar.

Within minutes he was spilling over onto his hand, shaking with pleasure, picturing Tien's arms holding him as he came and only just catching his name before it left his lips. His breathing was shallow as he came down from his high. That had to be record time. Yamcha pushed himself up, grabbed some tissues from beside his futon, and cleaned himself up, trying not to think about it. He felt dirty, like he was soiling his friendship with Tien. How would Tien feel if he knew Yamcha had just jerked it while picturing him?

Except why had he been so keyed up anyway? Because Tien had come on to him. _"I was joking" my ass,_ he thought, pulling his underwear back on. Tien had been flirting with him up on that rooftop. Leaning in close. Saying things in that quiet rumbling tone. _Are you going to prove me wrong._ That was definitely flirting. That was _hardcore_ flirting. Yamcha's experience with women who weren't Bulma might be limited, but he was experienced enough to know when he was being flirted with.

_The question is,_ he thought as he finally dropped off to sleep, _what am I supposed to do about it?_

~~~

Chiaotzu looked up from his book when Tien came in. "Is everything okay?" he asked.

Tien sat down on the couch. "I think so. We talked a bit. Yamcha's going to Bulma's birthday."

"That's good!" Chiaotzu smiled and went back to his book. "It's about time those two started getting along again!"

"Yeah."

Tien leaned forward to rest his arms on his knees and stared ahead blankly. Yamcha had left a while ago, but Tien had stayed up on the roof for a little longer, thinking. Yamcha had seemed uncomfortable towards the end of their conversation. Had he laid it on too strong? He'd thrown in a "just kidding" just in case, but he hadn't looked convinced. What if Yamcha didn't want to talk to him anymore?

"So when are you going to get around to telling Yamcha you're madly in love with him?" Chiaotzu asked calmly, not looking up from his book.

Tien made a noise that sounded vaguely like a cat being strangled. "I'm not!" He hadn't said anything about his feelings towards Yamcha, and he thought he'd been pretty good at hiding them--that night was the first time he'd even attempted flirting with him.

Chiaotzu glanced at him with a look that clearly said he wasn't planning on humouring him with this. "You've been staring at him with this forlorn look on your face every time he comes to the farm for months. I don't even need my psychic powers to notice that." He went back to his book. "That and you are the least smooth person I know, and yes I'm including Piccolo, Krillin, and the entire Son family in that. Not to mention the terrible romance novels you think you're good at hiding, so you're probably trying to figure out some convoluted plan to tell him your undying feelings or something."

"I am not!" Tien sputtered. Chiaotzu had always had a way of bringing out his flustered side, even back when they were Crane School students. "What are you reading?" he asked by way of changing the subject.

" _Journey to the West_. Answer the question."

Tien sighed and propped his chin on his hand. At least he was secure in the knowledge that while Chiaotzu might tease him about it, he wouldn't tell anyone that he'd fallen in love with Yamcha. "I'm not. Telling him, that is."

That got Chiaotzu to put his book aside. "Why not?"

"I tried flirting with him," Tien confessed, "but he didn't seem to take to it too well. I think I might've come on too strong."

Chiaotzu tilted his head. "What did you say?"

He shifted uncomfortably. This wasn't really something he was comfortable discussing, but he knew Chiaotzu wasn't going to let it go. "Well, he made fun of my...inexperience." He could see Chiaotzu trying not to laugh out of the corner of his eyes. "Stop that. Anyway, I asked if that was a challenge." There was a brief pause. Tien looked over at Chiaotzu to see him staring at him in disbelief. "And then I asked if he was going to prove to me that he was better in bed than Vegeta."

He was suddenly clocked upside the head by a hardcover collector's edition of _Journey to the West_. He yelled and clutched his throbbing head. "What the hell, Chiaotzu?!"

"That should be my line!" Chiaotzu shouted. He was standing on the couch now. "You have absolutely no idea what you're doing, do you?!"

"The fuck was your first clue," he muttered petulantly.

"You don't just jump in and ask him to bang you, you idiot!" Chiaotzu flopped down on the couch again. "I can't believe _I_ have to lecture _you_ about this. You're a grown man, Tien."

"A grown man who's never asked someone out in his life." _Someone who he isn't sure even likes men,_ he thought.

"I'm pretty sure Yamcha is bi," Chiaotzu said, and Tien wanted to punch himself in the face for forgetting that he could read minds. "If the way he looks at your biceps is any indication, anyway."

And this conversation was over. "I'm not talking about it right now," Tien said, standing up. "It's late. I'm going to bed."

"Fine. And when you see Yamcha at Bulma's birthday tomorrow, you're going to try again _without propositioning him for sex_. And maybe try complimenting his hair or something."

Tien groaned and buried his face in his hands. "I hate you."

"That's only because you know I'm right." Chiaotzu gathered up his book and floated up the stairs. "See you in the morning, Prince of Romance."

He was never living this down. Chiaotzu was right, as he often was, damn him. He'd get an opportunity to see Yamcha at Bulma's birthday party and hopefully make less of a fool out of himself. That is, if Yamcha wanted to talk to him at all.

Something that Chiaotzu had said suddenly registered. "Wait, Yamcha checks out my biceps?"


	5. Party Central!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birthday parties are great! Food! Dancing! Karaoke! Bingo! Gods from space crashing the party! Arguing about beer! And let's not forget the best, most essential part of any birthday party: _awkward unresolved romantic tension everywhere._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never forget the karaoke still from Battle of Gods.  
> More specifically: never let Piccolo forget the karaoke still from Battle of Gods. Also Gohan being SO PROUD of his Green Dad.  
> This fic is still about Tien and Yamcha but I have a lot of feelings regarding Tsundad...

Yamcha and Puar arrived at the Briefs house at 3:27, only a few minutes early. Yamcha was clutching a small blue gift bag in one hand, and even though he'd been to Bulma's and Capsule Corp thousands of times, he felt rather lost. The Briefs residence was huge and all the invitation had said was that the party was "outside," but there were no signs directing them there.

"Maybe we should look around," Puar suggested. She floated higher, trying to see over the buildings without going too far. "It did say the party was at the house, right?"

"Yeah." Yamcha could see Vegeta's gravity room pod not far off and decided to stay as far away from that as possible. "Let's check this way--"

"Hey, Yamcha! Puar!"

Yamcha turned, grinning, towards the familiar voice. "Hey, Krillin," he said. Krillin was holding his toddler Marron as he touched down in front of him. Android 18 landed behind them, giving Yamcha a nod and little else.

Krillin set Marron down, keeping ahold of her hand. "How've you two been? I haven't seen you in ages!" He beamed up at them. "Man, we need to keep in touch better! It'd be easier if we lived closer, huh?"

"We've been good," Yamcha said. Puar was goofing off and shapeshifting to entertain Marron, who was trying to get away from Krillin to play with her. Krillin's grip on her hand tightened. Marron had a tendancy to run after things and fall flat on her face, and though she had her parents' resilience, Yamcha knew Krillin was the epitome of the doting-yet-protective father stereotype. "Work's keeping us busy," he added. "How are things for you guys?"

18 picked up Marron and started walking off, Puar trailing behind, shaped like a small furry airplane. "Why are we standing around?" 18 called over her shoulder. "The party's this way." Embarrassed that he hadn't been able to find it sooner, Yamcha started after them, Krillin trotting along behind.

"Things are great!" Krillin said. He was beaming again. "18 and I finally left Kame House, and I'm job hunting right now." He nudged Yamcha in the side. "Any openings at your bodyguard business?"

Yamcha's laugh was hollow. "Sorry, Krillin. We barely get enough money through that to pay for rent and groceries. I have to work at Tien and Chiaotzu's farm to pay for everything else."

"Don't worry about it; I was joking." Tien's voice saying the same thing in a very different context popped intrusively into Yamcha's thoughts, and he almost missed what Krillin said next while trying to think of literally anything but the night before. "Actually, I'm thinking about becoming a cop."

Yamcha looked down at him. "Wait, really?"

Krillin shrugged. "Why not? I more than pass the fitness requirements. I mean, I've never used a weapon before, but I probably wouldn't even have to, you know?" He flexed, but his sleeves were too long and baggy to see the results. "I've got some nice guns right here." 18 glanced back at them, and unless Yamcha was mistaken, her expression was fond. Then she noticed him looking and turned away again.

"Yeah, but don't they have a height requirement?" Yamcha teased.

Krillin threw his hands in the air. "Really? You're really going there? You are such a dick. You've definitely been hanging out with Tien."

"Well that's not very nice."

Both of them jumped as Tien flew in and landed beside Krillin. He had that little half-smirk on his face and Yamcha's stomach did a backflip. Chiaotzu waved from behind him and flew off to see Marron. "Hi, Tien," Krillin said. "You are kind of a dick, you know."

Tien shrugged and fell into step beside them. "Yeah, I know. So is Yamcha."

"Leave me out of this one." Puar had rejoined him once Chiaotzu had gone to see Marron. "Puar, they're being rude."

"So what else is new?" she sighed.

"Heeeyyy! Welcome, you guys!"

They'd reached the centre of the Briefs property, and there was Bulma waving at them, gorgeous as always in a blue minidress. Yamcha plastered a smile on his face and reminded himself that he was here to fix his friendship with her, not to fall in love with her all over again. A quick look around told him that he had severly underestimated the enormity of the party. There was a huge stage and about fifty different food stands and a dessert buffet. Considering that there were five Saiyans and Buu on the invite list, though, Yamcha just hoped there would be enough.

Bulma already had a glass of wine in hand and she gave everyone a hearty slap on the shoulder with the other. "You're right on time! Actually, you're the first ones here except Trunks, Goten, and Chi-Chi."

Krillin looked around. "Vegeta's not here?"

Her expression immediately soured. "He's off doing his precious training. On his wife's birthday! You know what he said to me this morning?" She lowered her eyebrows as low as they could go and said in a gravelly voice "On Planet Vegeta, age was just a number. Why should it matter that yours has gone up again? It does that every year." She drained her mostly full wine glass. "The only reason he didn't say that to Trunks on his birthday this year is because he knew he'd incur Mom's wrath and not get fed all day."

Yamcha and Krillin glanced at each other and came to the same conclusion. "Happy birthday," they both said, handing her their presents.

Bulma's face softened. "Oh, you guys, you didn't need to get me anything!" She took the gifts anyway. "Thank you so much!" She gave them each a hug (Yamcha did his best not to make it weird) and hurried off to welcome Gohan and Videl. Krillin and 18 wandered off to say hello to Chi-Chi and keep Marron out of trouble, leaving Yamcha and Tien by themselves. Normally, Yamcha wouldn't mind. After all, he and Tien were close. Except that last night he'd imagined them a _lot_ closer and _no Yamcha now is not the time and wait is Tien saying something oh shit._

"Yamcha? Is everything alright?"

With a jolt, he realized he'd been staring at Tien's face. He quickly looked away. "Fine!" he said, a little too loudly. "I'm good! Just...weird being here, you know?"  
He glanced back at Tien, who didn't look convinced. "Right. I wouldn't know." Yamcha opened his mouth to say something, but his brain stalled, and he ended up staring at Tien with his mouth open again.

"I'm going to get a beer," he declared suddenly. "Want one?"

Tien raised an eyebrow. "A little early to be drinking, isn't it?"

"Whatever; Bulma's on at least her second glass of wine and I want a beer." He sauntered over to the outdoor bar set up next to the stage, not checking to see if Tien was coming with him or not. They didn't have the brand that Yamcha liked, so he settled for the next best thing and leaned on the bar to take in the slowly growing party. Bulma was chatting animatedly with Videl and Puar, Chi-Chi and Krillin were deep in discussion on parenting techniques, and Gohan was greeting Piccolo and Dende, who had just arrived.

"Hetap, please."

Yamcha wrinkled his nose at Tien next to him. "You actually drink that crap?"

"I _like_ Hetap," Tien said, and was he pouting _oh sweet flaming Dragon Balls Tien was pouting_. "So does Chiaotzu."

God he wished he had a camera. "Then you both have terrible taste." Why was Tien pouting so amusing to him? "That stuff tastes like old socks and ass." Maybe it was just a nice reminder that Tien was just as much of a loser as Yamcha always knew.

"First," Tien said, leaning on his forearms on the bar, "I'm a little worried you know what 'old socks and ass' taste like. Together, specifically."

"They taste like Hetap."

" _Second_ ," he continued, frowning, "it's no worse than that horse piss you call beer."

Yamcha slammed back the entire can just to spite him.

"What are you idiots doing?"

Piccolo approached the bar, arms folded. Yamcha shrugged. "Hello to you too. Tien refuses to admit that Hetap is nasty and gross."

"Actually, Yamcha's the one in the wrong here." Tien sipped his Hetap like he was classy or something, and Yamcha wanted to knock it right out of his hand. "Hetap is a sophisticated drink for sophisticated men. No wonder you don't get it, Yamcha."

Yamcha crushed his empty beer can against his forehead. "Bring it, three-eyes."

"Are you two twelve or what?" Piccolo grumbled. "I swear, Gohan was more mature than this when he was four." He turned to the bartender. "Two waters."  
Yamcha felt a grin growing across his face and relaxed against the bar. Alright. He could do this. Snappy banter with Tien, talking with Bulma, and pissing off Piccolo, just like before. This party might not be so bad after all.

~~~

"So then Chiaotzu comes in, and sees the three of us upside down and glaring at each other, and just turns and leaves again like 'fuck no I'm not dealing with this today' and Oolong fucking loses it."

Krillin's chortling was completely unattractive, but catching. "Oh my God."

Yamcha waved his arms as he talked, glad to have a captive audience. "And Oolong's doing that goofy pig laugh of his--"

"Shut up!" Oolong shouted from the bar.

"It's a goofy pig laugh, Oolong! Anyway, he's doing that laugh, and I'm trying really hard not to fall over _and_ not laugh and I look at Tien and he's completely red in the face and I laughed so hard I fell over and broke a table lamp." He finished off his third (fourth?) beer with a mighty swig and slammed the empty can on the table. "And that's why we're not allowed to get drunk unsupervised anymore."

Krillin was in stitches, Puar was sighing and shaking her head, and Tien was trying to keep a straight face and failing. "Why don't you guys ever invite _me_ when you're getting drunk?" Krillin lamented after he caught his breath. "You have way more fun drinking than we do at Kame House. Roshi hogs all the beer and passes out after an hour."

"Wait, who 'supervises' you when you get drunk?" Gohan snickered.

"Me, usually," Puar sighed. "Sometimes Chiaotzu." She shot a glare at Yamcha. "I have no idea why I still put up with you."

"Because I do _this_ ," Yamcha said, scratching her behind the ear.

Puar gave a content purr and settled down on the table. "Right, I forgot. You don't play fair."

"Hey, everyone!" Bulma was on the stage with a microphone, waving and shouting to get her guests' attention. "We're gonna start the karaoke now! Trunks and Goten have _graciously_ volunteered to go first, and everyone else can come sign up with Dad!"

There was a derisive snort from the next table over, and Yamcha eyed its occupants nervously. Beerus and Whis, or, as they'd been introduced by Bulma, "Vegeta's Actual Friends," kind of creeped him out. He couldn't sense their energy at all, but he still got the feeling that they were insanely powerful. Plus, the purple cat (which he thought was Beerus, but he couldn't remember) seemed to find everything that wasn't food to be an annoyance or not worthy of his time. Yamcha had had enough dealings with aliens to know he was going to avoid them like the plague.

Trunks and Goten's performance of "You're My Best Friend" was heartwarming, if incredibly corny, over the top, and off key. A few of Yamcha's table mates wandered off, some to line up, others to mingle. He found himself left alone with Tien again. He tried to keep his focus on the stage, but Oolong squabbling with Bulma over whether or not the song list included any Genesis was apparently not as interesting as Tien's jawline. His eyes raked across Tien's profile, which was turned towards the stage and watching with mild interest as Oolong belted Tears for Fears (apparently there wasn't any Genesis). Tien was definitely attractive, Yamcha had always known that. But he was noticing it more and more lately--if he was being honest with himself, he'd noticed even before last night's incident. "Tien has amazing biceps, it must be from working on the farm so much," "Tien doesn't smile much, but when he does it's a nice smile," "Green is definitely Tien's colour." He usually just brushed it off; it's possible to find someone attractive but not be attracted to them. But last night had him wondering if that was the case for him and Tien. He sighed. He'd always been able to think of his relationship with Tien as one of the less complicated things in his life. Now that was gone, too.

His sigh made Tien look at him, and he realised he was staring at Tien and sighing wistfully. Face red, he forced his eyes back to the stage. Bulma was belting "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and _dancing_ and it was just as awful as he remembered from their teenage years. A smile worked its way across his face. Some things never change.

There was an awkward clearing of the throat from beside him and he looked back at Tien. He had all three eyes trained on the table like it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. "So, uh, your outfit," he said.

Yamcha glanced down at himself. He was wearing the nicest pants and cleanest shirt he owned. The shirt was white and fastened down the front with black clasps. It was a tad formal for a birthday party, but it was clean, and he liked it. "What about it?"

"It, uh." Tien sucked in a breath and flicked his eyes to Yamcha's face. "It's nice." He stared at the table again. "You look good." Oh God his entire head was blushing, well past where his hairline would be if he'd had one. Yamcha had seen Tien look flustered and awkward before, but never as embarrassed as this. It was kind of endearing.

"You too," he finally said. He meant it; Tien's green top, black sleeves, and orange sash really suited him. It was an outfit Yamcha had seen before, but it was still a nice one.

Tien's head snapped up to meet Yamcha's eyes. "Th-thanks."

Yamcha's smile came easier this time. "So are you planning on going up there?" Tien blinked at him, not seeming to register the subject change, and Yamcha jerked his thumb toward the stage. "For karaoke."

"Oh." Tien looked back up at the stage. Bulma had finished her song, and Piccolo was arguing with Oolong and Gohan about whether "Father and Son" was an appropriate song. "I guess that depends on the song list. I don't know a lot of modern songs; most of the ones I know are traditional pieces." For some reason Yamcha wasn't surprised. "Are you?"

"Probably not," he admitted. "I can't sing."

A horrible screeching echoed over the audience. Both men winced and clapped their hands over their ears. "That doesn't seem to be stopping Piccolo," Tien shouted over the noise.

"I can't hear you, my ears are bleeding," Yamcha called back. Oh for fuck's sake he'd opted for "Hooked On a Feeling." Yamcha actually _liked_ that song. Now he wouldn't be able to hear it without thinking of Piccolo's butchering.

They sat there with their arms over their heads until Piccolo was finished. Yamcha peeked up to see Gohan cheering enthusiastically and Dende clapping politely while on the verge of tears, clearly in pain. Puar floated over and passed out on their table, dazed. Yamcha petted her head with one hand and rubbed his painful ears with the other.

"After that, I think I need more alcohol," Tien said, standing. He looked down at Yamcha. "Want anything?"

Yamcha shook his head. "Nah. Thanks, though." Tien shrugged and sauntered towards the bar.

Yamcha rested his chin in his hand again and watched Tien go. He was doing okay so far. He hadn't talked much with Bulma yet, but their few brief interactions had been fine. And he hadn't made too much of an idiot of himself in front of Tien yet. With any luck, he'd be able to forget that last night had happened at all.

Except now he was staring at Tien's ass. Dammit. This was going to be harder than he thought.


	6. A Little Heart to Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're having a hard time figuring out your feelings for a friend, or figuring out how to tell your friend you love them, sometimes getting the advice of a different friend is a good idea.  
> This is not one of those times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be such a prude, Tien, the 'pat-pat' technique worked for Goku and Chi-Chi, didn't it?

Tien leaned against the bar, waiting for the bartender to get him his Hetap. He was doing his best not to look back and see what Yamcha was doing. He'd already made enough of an idiot of himself today. _So, uh, your outfit._ Why did he think that was a good idea? Sure, it was less forward than the previous night's advances, but he'd felt like a total loser. He needed to think before he spoke. Going to get another drink had given him time to stall, but he still wasn't sure what he was doing. He'd only been romantically inclined towards someone once before, and he'd worried so much about what to say that by the time he knew what he wanted to say it was too late. He didn't want that to happen with Yamcha.

Not that he was worried about Yamcha getting back together with Bulma--that was never going to happen, according to both parties. But he was worried that even once Yamcha did get over her, he'd still only be interested in women. Chiaotzu could speculate all he wanted, but until Yamcha himself told him his sexuality he wouldn't assume anything beyond what he already knew.

The bartender handed him a cold can of (completely tasteful) Hetap and he cracked it open. Maybe he should go interact with someone else. He could always talk to Yamcha again later. It wasn't like Yamcha was waiting for him to come back or anything.

His mind made up, he went to talk to Master Roshi as Krillin took the stage for his turn at karaoke.

~~~

Yamcha absently scratched Puar behind the ears as he waited for Tien to come back, and his heart dropped into his stomach when Tien took his (completely nasty and disgusting) Hetap and went to talk to Roshi instead. He did his best to shake it off. It wasn't like Tien didn't have other friends or people to talk to. It wasn't fair of Yamcha to monopolize his time. And it was probably for the best anyway, because if he wasn't with Tien it was easier to pretend that everything was normal and he wasn't having weird thoughts about his best friend.

He was staring at Tien's ass again. Dammit.

"Hey, Yamcha, what're you doing sitting by yourself?"

Yamcha looked up and smiled as Bulma approached and took a seat. "Just waiting for a lovely lady to join me." He glanced around the party. "You haven't seen one, have you?"

Her smack to the back of his head was only to be expected. "Don't be an ass."

It didn't hurt that much--she clearly hadn't put much force behind it--but he made a show of rubbing the back of his head anyway. "You walked right into that one, you know."

She shrugged. "Maybe. Having fun? I saw you telling stories earlier."

Yamcha looked towards the stage where Krillin was butchering Bon Jovi. "Yeah. You sure know how to throw a party, Bulma."

"Damn right." She grinned proudly and sipped her wine. There was a comfortable silence. Bulma leaned on the table and gazed out across the party guests with an almost wistful look in her eyes. Yamcha looked at her with a similar expression. "I've missed this," she finally said.

Startled, he flinched a little. "What?"

"This." She gestured to the party with her wine glass. Android 18 and Marron applauded loudly as Krillin bowed so low his head brushed the ground. Chi-Chi, Videl, Chiaotzu, and Dende chatted around one table, while the Ox King, Hercule, and Buu drank and ate themselves silly at another one. Trunks was trying to impress his girlfriend (and how unfair was it that Trunks had a girlfriend already and Yamcha was still living the single life?) while Goten watched, already impressed. Even Beerus and Whis seemed like they were enjoying themselves, or at least the food. "Getting together with everyone? It wasn't always a big to-do like this or anything, but it was still a good time if you fighter types weren't off trying to save the world again."

"Trust me, there were plenty of times when I would've been completely okay with _not_ having to drop everything to get my ass handed to me by an alien again," Yamcha pointed out.

She gave him a little shove. "Shut up. I just...I wanted this party to be a bit of a reunion too, you know? Like I said, I missed this. It's been so crazy for so long, and even when it wasn't crazy we all just went our separate ways for the most part...hell, after the Cell Games Tien said we'd never see him again and flew off." She rolled her eyes at him. "What a drama queen, right?"

"Can we not talk about Tien, please?" He regretted the words the instant he said them, because she looked at him like he'd grown a second head. "I'd just rather not."

Her expression became concerned. "Did you guys get in a fight? You seemed like you were getting along earlier, but..."

He waved her concern away. "No, nothing like that. I'd just rather not talk about him right now."

Bulma studied his face and he looked away, rubbing Puar's belly while she slept. "Yamcha," she said warningly, "if you don't tell me what's going on I'm going to make you do karaoke."

Yamcha recoiled. "No."

"Don't try me, young man, I have a super Saiyan son who'll kick your ass if I ask him to."

"Young...? We're the same age! In fact I'm older than you!"

She stood up and looked over the crowd, scanning for her son. "Trunks!" she bellowed. "Come see Mommy for a second!"

"No! No no no no no I'll tell you I'll tell you!" The only thing worse than being forced into karaoke was being forced into karaoke by a seven year old that could actually kick your ass. Bulma plopped back into her seat and looked at him expectantly. Yamcha slumped in his chair and ran a hand through his hair. "I hate you."

"No you don't." She leaned forward, eyebrows drawn and worry shining in her eyes again. "Seriously, what's wrong? You know you can tell me anything, right? Is Tien blackmailing you or something?"

He snorted. "No, of course not! Nothing like that. What would he even be blackmailing me with, anyway?"

"Then what?" Bulma leaned back, folding her arms and crossing one leg over the other. "Honestly, Yamcha, this isn't like you. You're usually such an open book, and you and Tien have been friends or 'eternal rivals' or whatever forever. I can't think of anything you would ever get into a real fight--"

"I think Tien's coming on to me, okay?"

~~~

"And that's why Turtle's not here today."

Tien was regretting every single life decision he had made that had led him to listening to Roshi ramble on about absolutely nothing of interest. _Thank God for Hetap._

"Hey, Tien, are you alright?"

His head snapped up and he blinked a few times. Roshi was waving a hand in his face. "You've been staring off into space," he chided. "Something on your mind?"  
Tien shifted his weight. "No."

Roshi nudged him in the side. "Come on, you can tell this old man. Besides, no one can hear you over their caterwauling." He nodded towards the stage, where Gohan and Videl had opted for the cheesiest love song they could find and were bellowing "I Want to Hold Your Hand" completely unironically and in the wrong key. "Is it about women? Because that's my area of expertise. That and martial arts."

Tien wasn't sure which was more ridiculous: Roshi thinking his silence meant he was having girl trouble when it was almost the exact opposite, or Roshi thinking one of his areas of expertise was women. "No."

Roshi gestured for Tien to lean down. When he complied, Roshi smacked him on the head with his walking stick. "You, Tien Shinhan, are the worst liar I have ever met. Aside from Goku."

Tien rubbed his head, though it didn't hurt that much. "I'm not having girl trouble." He glanced around to make sure no one was listening in, then said quieter "I'm having guy trouble."

"Oooohhhh." Roshi frowned. "That I can't help you with."

"I didn't think so."

Roshi slapped Tien on the shoulder. "Tell me anyway! Sometimes it just helps to have someone listen!"

 _That's what Chiaotzu is for,_ Tien thought with a sigh. But Chiaotzu was with Chi-Chi and Dende, probably discussing healthy eating or something equally reasonable and adult instead of getting the Master Roshi Romance Hour like Tien.

Ah, well. What was the worst that could happen?

"The problem, as I see it," Tien said carefully, "is that I don't actually know how to tell him I'm interested without either making a fool out of myself or coming on too strong. Also, I don't know if he's interested in men."

"That's two problems." Roshi stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Worry about his sexuality after you tell him you're interested, first of all. Have you tried a little, ah, 'pat-pat?'"

"For fuck's sake, _no_." Tien rubbed his face. So this was the worst that could happen.

"Worth a shot. You never know."

" _No._ "

"Alright, alright." He took off his sunglasses and cleaned them on his shirt. "Just ask him out, then. It's really not that hard."

Tien sighed. "For someone who's never done it in his life, yes it is. And he's also not over a dead relationship. So I don't want to shove my feelings in his face. Except I sort of already did and I'm pretty sure I've made a huge mess of things." He paused. "Although when I talked to him after the fact he didn't acknowledge what I said, so maybe he just brushed it off?"

"Hm." Roshi replaced his sunglasses. "Wait, this dead relationship isn't actually dead, is she? Is he trying to bring her back with the Dragon Balls?"

Tien waved his hand. "Nothing that dramatic. And I'm willing to wait. I'm patient. But I've felt this way for..." He clammed up and his face went red.

"A long time?" Roshi prompted gently. Tien nodded, mortified. God, how long had he been noticing Yamcha? Not quite since they met, but certainly since their training on King Kai's planet. And it just got worse and worse.

Before he knew it, he was watching Yamcha when Yamcha wasn't looking, spending time with him for the sake of spending time with him when he'd previously only done that with Chiaotzu, and _pining_ like a teenager. The pining was the worst--he'd once spent an entire day sitting on the couch clutching a pillow, staring into space, and agonizing about whether he should tell Yamcha or not. Chiaotzu had eventually yelled at him that if he wasn't going to train or do farm work that he could at least make dinner, and that was when Tien had decided to at least try and let Yamcha know how he felt.

Except when he'd tried that he'd fucked it up so badly that he was surprised Yamcha even acknowledged his presence earlier, let alone had a full on conversation with him. What Chiaotzu had said the night before was exactly right--he shouldn't have jumped right in with a proposition. And honestly, he hadn't planned on it. He'd planned on casually mentioning that there were other fish in the sea and maybe flaunting his physique a little to see if Yamcha noticed. But he'd seen the opportunity and he'd taken it, and now he regretted it. He glanced surreptitiously at Yamcha's table and saw him talking with Bulma, looking just as awkward as Tien felt.

"Even when he was in said relationship," he finally said, choosing his words carefully, "I was interested. I mean, I knew nothing would come of it because he was in a relationship. But I always thought that if he was ever out of the relationship, maybe we'd have a chance."

"But even once the relationship ended, he wasn't over it," Roshi supplied. Tien nodded and Roshi let out a long, slow whistle. "Well, that is complicated! Much more complicated than I'm used to. Usually a little 'pat-pat' or a 'puff-puff' is all I get!" He laughed and Tien hadn't wanted to smash his head off a table so badly since they had first met.

"I'm done," he muttered, standing up and taking his empty Hetap can with him.

"Tien, wait." Roshi stood too and grabbed Tien by the forearm. "Look, if you want this thing to go anywhere, you've got to throw your hat into the ring. If you don't tell him you're interested, in plain speech, with or without the 'pat-pat,' you're never going to know if there's even a chance. Who knows? Maybe there's someone who's watching you pine for him the same way you're watching him pine for her."

"I'm not pining," Tien blustered.

"What I'm saying is, you'd better let him know and you'd better do it without the metaphors and the drama. Our Yamcha can be kind of slow."

Tien nodded absently, knowing that however much of a creepy lech Roshi was, he wasn't wrong. Then the last sentence clicked and his face flamed. "I-I never said it was Yamcha."

Roshi tugged his sunglasses down just enough that Tien could see his eyes and winked at him. "You didn't have to. I've noticed you looking." He clapped him on the back. "If it helps, I'm pretty sure I've noticed Yamcha looking, too!" He started laughing again and Tien bolted towards the bar as fast as he could without drawing attention to himself.

Tien was wrong. _This_ was the worst that could happen.

~~~

Bulma was stunned into silence. Yamcha covered his face with his hand, mortified. That had come out a lot louder than he'd meant for it to. Thankfully, no one else seemed to notice, save Puar, who woke up and blinked groggily at him.

"Yamcha, is everything alright?" she asked. She looked over at Bulma. "Oh, hello, Bulma."

"Tien's flirting with you? Our Tien?" Bulma said.

Puar was suddenly very awake and she jumped up to look at Yamcha. "Really?"

Oh God this was exactly what he'd been trying to avoid. "Uh. Sort of?"

Bulma tapped her a manicured fingernail on the table. "Well, is he or isn't he? You can't 'sort of' flirt with someone, Yamcha, I know these things."

"I think so. That is, I'm pretty sure." He frowned. "It's hard to tell with Tien, you know? He's pretty closed off a lot of the time. He really only opens up to Chiaotzu. And sometimes me when we're drinking." It was easy to tell when Tien was saying exactly what was on his mind, because he didn't do it very often so he wasn't good at it. He got flustered and stumbled over his words and--wait.

Yamcha's eyes went wide. _So, uh, your outfit. It, uh. It's nice. You look good._ "Oh my God that was supposed to be flirting." _And I flirted back oh shit why did I do that sure he's attractive but I mean anyone with eyes can see that shit shit shit maybe he didn't notice who am I kidding he totally noticed oh God why this_

"You wanna clarify that for the rest of us, champ?" Bulma asked, interrupting his panic by laying a hand on his arm.

Squirming under their gazes, he mumbled a brief recap of what had happened the night before and earlier that day, conveniently leaving out his little fantasy. That was a secret he'd take with him to his grave and beyond, several times if necessary. Bulma burst out laughing when he told them about Tien's pickup lines. "I knew Tien didn't have a smooth bone in his body, but that's terrible even for him! Where did he get that, a paperback romance novel?"

"I'm glad you find it funny," Yamcha sighed. _You're not the one questioning everything about yourself over it,_ he thought.

She finally stopped snickering. "Wow. So that's a thing."

"And I have no idea what to do about it," Yamcha confessed. "I mean, if he just told me outright that he was interested, I could..." He trailed off. What would he do if Tien actually asked him out properly? _Turn him down gently,_ he thought, but no, that made his heart hurt. Take him up on it? He could feel a blush creeping up his face. No. No no no no no. He was _not_ going to date Tien. "I could figure something out," he said lamely. "But this whole vague thing is really freaking me out."

Puar poked his face. "Yamcha, you should probably figure out how you feel now. Then if he does ask you directly you have an answer."

 _Easier said than done. Especially since I'm still trying to sort out my Bulma feelings at the same time._ "Thanks, Life Coach Puar, I'll keep it in mind."

"I think you should just ask him about it." Bulma shrugged. "Be direct. Ask him if he's been flirting with you because it seems like he is, and if it turns out he wasn't, then no hard feelings, right?"

Yamcha felt a slight squeeze on his heart. Oh. Right. There was always the possibility that Tien _wasn't_ flirting with him. For some reason he didn't like that possibility and tried not to think about that. This was something to stew over by himself later, not discuss with his oldest friend and ex. "I'm not just gonna go up to him and say 'Hey, Tien, are you coming on to me man because I don't know how to deal with that,'" he said. "I'm just going to pretend everything is normal."

"Your usual defense mechanism," Puar said sagely. When he glared at her, she shrugged. "It is!"

Bulma let out a long-suffering sigh. "Honestly, Yamcha, I get that you're nervous because a guy is flirting with you, but if you're not interested there's nothing to be upset about. I've had girls flirt with me before; it's not a big deal. You just turn them down gently and move on." She studied his face. "Unless you _are_ interested?"

He squawked, this time attracting the attention of a few partygoers--including Whis _oh crap please stop staring_. "N-no, I'm...I don't...no. Nope."

She laughed and slapped his shoulder. "Some things never change. You used to get the exact same way about me when we were--" She cut herself off midsentence and slammed a hand on the table, scaring the living daylights out of Yamcha and causing Puar to latch herself onto Yamcha's face in alarm. "OH MY GOD."

"What?" Yamcha asked, carefully prying Puar off his face.

Bulma pointed at him. "You _are_ in love with Tien! Oh my God that is _adorable_."

"No! That's not--no!" He rubbed at his face where Puar's claws had been digging in. "I'm not."

"Yamcha, you are _totally_ in love with Tien. It's written all over your face. You're acting the exact same way about him that you used to about me when we were teenagers. And I'm pretty sure I saw you checking his ass out earlier." He groaned and hit his head on the table, covering it with his arms. "Yeah, you were definitely staring at his ass." She looked over at where Tien was walking awkwardly and quickly away from Roshi. "Not that I can blame you. That is a _fine_ backside."

"Can we please stop discussing Tien's ass?" Yamcha said from under his arms.

"Hey, you were the one staring at it earlier." Bulma nudged him and he peeked up at her from under his arms. "Seriously, why are you freaking out about this so much? If you like him, just let him know that."

"Bulma, in all the years we've known each other, when have you known me to just lay all my cards on the table like that?"

"Gee, I don't know, maybe after I got pregnant with my son?"

The table was very quiet for a while. Then Bulma spoke up again. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm not as over that argument as I thought."

"No, it's okay, I'm sorry," Yamcha said, sitting up. "I'm not a hundred percent over everything either."

Bulma shook her head. "What a pair we are, huh? We get along great, then we're sniping at each other at the drop of a hat." She nudged him in the arm. "You know I care about you, right? You're one of my oldest friends; we've been together through a lot. I want to see you happy, and I think that this thing with Tien is exactly what you need." Puar nodded, hugging the side of Yamcha's head. "And honestly, if you don't tell him soon, I'm telling him for you."

That got him blushing again. "I'm a grown man, Bulma, I don't need to ask someone out by proxy."

She stood and hauled him to his feet by the elbow. "Then go ask him out already." Bulma gave him a shove towards the bar, where Tien was standing again. "Good luck. I have a bingo tournament to start." She gave a little wave and dashed off towards the stage. Puar abandoned him as well, floating off to make fun of Oolong's singing with a wink over her shoulder at Yamcha. He was left standing by himself, looking like an idiot. Great.

He was _not_ asking Tien out. It wasn't going to happen. He was still trying to sort out his feelings--both for Tien and for Bulma--and it wouldn't be fair to either of them if he came into this thing half-baked. If there was a thing at all.

But it couldn't hurt to talk to Tien and figure out where he stood on the matter.

With a deep breath to steady himself, Yamcha walked over to the bar.


	7. Battle of Gods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having to talk to a friend about an awkward topic can be, well, awkward. Unless you are Yamcha and Tien, in which case it is SUPER FUCKING AWKWARD.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha...ha...I am not good at titles...

"I know, I know," Tien said, not looking up as Yamcha approached the bar. "Hetap is nasty and gross, and I'm trash for liking it."

Yamcha laughed, but it was weak and he knew it. "Yeah, and you have terrible taste in everything."

Tien glanced at him. "Is everything okay? You seem kind of out of it. Did you and Bulma have an argument or something?"

He threw his hands in the air. "Why does everyone always assume I've had an argument with someone? Bulma asked me the same thing earlier."

"What, if you'd had an argument with her?"

"No, you pedantic piece of shit, with you." He relaxed a little. This was better. This was normal. He could handle this. He only vaguely registered Bulma's voice over the speakers announcing the start of the bingo tournament. Tien was steadily holding his gaze, that goddamn passive face on again. "Stop that."

The passiveness fell away to genuine confusion. "Stop what?"

"That face." Yamcha did his best impression. "You keep looking at me with this blank mask. I can't tell what you're feeling or thinking. It bothers me."

He watched as the mask came back on, watched it build itself slowly across Tien's face until he was carefully passive again. He fucking hated that face. He wanted to make it so Tien never looked at him like that again. He wasn't sure if he wanted to slap it off him or kiss it off him and _whoa Yamcha where the shit did that thought come from nope stop that._

"Maybe that's the idea," Tien said.

Yamcha blinked at him, confused. "So...you want to make it so I don't know what you're feeling?"

Tien looked away.

Anger boiled in Yamcha's veins. Tien was actively trying to keep himself cut off from Yamcha? They were supposed to be friends. The fucking nerve. "Alright, listen, you," Yamcha started, but the sentence remained forever unfinished because at that moment Trunks's girlfriend pulled a gun on him.

~~~

Their conversation ended up being put on hold until halfway through the bingo tournament once it officially started. Between the little 'skit' from Trunks's girlfriend and her friends (who looked kind of familiar to Yamcha, but he couldn't place them for the life of him) and Vegeta's impromptu bingo dance (which Yamcha was upset he hadn't gotten on video), he and Tien had both been rather distracted.

Yamcha tried casually sauntering over to Tien several times during the tournament, but each time Tien was conveniently with someone else or Chiaotzu would run into him or, on one occasion, he realized that he had a bingo. He didn't win the first place prize, but hey, a year's supply of canned ham was nothing to sneeze at on his budget.

Finally, he managed to corner Tien. He was sitting at a table with his Hetap and his bingo card, half-heartedly punching holes. Yamcha sat next to him quietly, peeking at Tien's card. There were only a few punches in it, and none of them lined up very well. "You know, Piccolo gave up on his a while ago," he pointed out. _Ah, yes, good,_ he thought, _once again I am a master of conversation. God dammit. I don't want to discuss bingo._ He managed to keep his thoughts from showing on his face as Tien looked over at him. "So, you know, you could too if you wanted," Yamcha continued. "I mean, I already won the best prize."

Tien blinked at him. "I don't like ham" was all he said.

Yamcha frowned and hooked his arms behind his head. "Fine. I was gonna share with you, but I guess Chiaotzu can have your share." He needed to change the subject. He had come to talk to Tien for a reason. "So about last night." As far as changing the subject went, that was about as subtle as a punch to the face, but it got the job done.

That damn passive face was back. "Yeah?"

He took a deep breath and decided to just lay all his cards out on the table. "I need you to be straight-- _honest_ with me. Were you--that is, did you-- _were you actually coming on to me last night I need to know._ " He blew through the last part as quickly as possible, looking at Tien's bingo card instead of his face. "Also earlier," he added when Tien remained silent. "When you said I looked good, was that--was that flirting? You have to help me out here, because I'm not sure, and I need to know because I don't really know how I'm feeling about that and now I'm rambling. Okay." Yamcha took in a steadying breath. "Right. So that."

Tien still hadn't said anything or even moved. When Yamcha dragged his gaze back up to Tien's face, it was no longer blank. It was frozen and panicked. His eyes darted to the side, avoiding Yamcha's, but that was the only movement. A hard blush was rapidly creeping up his face, covering most of his head and disappearing down the collar of his shirt. He opened his mouth slightly, then snapped it shut again. Everything about him was tense and he looked like he was planning on bolting as far away from Yamcha and the conversation as he could.

Yamcha had fucked up; he'd fucked up so bad. Tien hadn't actually been flirting with him and he'd made him uncomfortable by insinuating that he had. He wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. This was so embarrassing. He'd been all worked up over absolutely nothing. It felt like something had reached into his chest and was squeezing his heart and he couldn't breathe properly. Oh God he was going to cry. Why was he going to cry there was nothing to cry about if Tien wasn't interested that was good, right? It meant things could go back to normal, right?

If neither of them said anything Yamcha was going to either explode or run away, and neither option would solve anything. Since Tien didn't seem capable of speech, the task fell to Yamcha. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," crap he even sounded like he was about to cry, "I'll just...I'll just go." He stood up and that seemed to break whatever was keeping Tien frozen, because his hand snapped out to grab Yamcha by the wrist before he could go anywhere.

"No," was all Tien said. Yamcha stared blankly at him, because that was the least specific answer he'd ever heard. "No, I...don't leave." Tien locked eyes with him and gripped his wrist a little tighter. "I was...I...did not prepare for this properly."

Yamcha forced himself to breathe slowly. "Just...just a yes or no, Tien, that's all I'm looking for." He still felt like he was going to cry, but being told not to go made him feel at least a little better. His throat was dry and constricted and when he tried to swallow he couldn't.

Tien stood too, never letting go of Yamcha's wrist. His eyes flicked away, then back to Yamcha's. "Alright. Last night I--"

He was cut off by enraged screaming. Every muscle in Yamcha's body went taught. Tien had noticed, too, and stopped talking to look over and see Beerus slap Buu so hard he went flying. Yamcha's brain stopped working momentarily as it tried to process that someone had just taken out _Majin fucking Buu_ in one hit. He saw Vegeta running in and trying to calm Beerus down, and today was just _full_ of new experiences for Yamcha; he didn't think he'd ever seen Vegeta actively try to _stop_ a fight before.

Tien suddenly released his wrist and charged off into the fight at Roshi's call to arms. Yamcha started after him, but he knew he'd been slacking in his training lately and wouldn't be much help. He couldn't do anything but watch as Tien joined Android 18 and Piccolo in rushing Beerus.

Beerus took out 18 with an elbow to the back, then grabbed Tien's wrist with chopsticks and flipped him with no effort whatsoever. He crashed heavily to the ground, Piccolo not far behind, but Yamcha had eyes only for Tien, and found himself frozen to the spot as he stared at him, lying prone next to Piccolo and 18. He wasn't moving. Yamcha's breath came shallowly and his hands shook. Tien was fine. He was sure he was. He'd taken worse and come through standing. But he didn't look fine at all.

Then his eyes blinked open, slowly, his third eye just a hair behind the other two, and Chiaotzu was there helping him up while Beerus was distracted with Buu again, and Yamcha could breathe again. He forced himself to relax and started forward to make sure for himself that Tien was okay. He had to know, had this sudden overwhelming need to check Tien all over and see for himself that he wasn't too badly hurt. It was stupid, he knew that, because Tien wasn't made of glass, he was strong and sturdy, but he needed to check for himself.

"Yamcha, what are you doing? We have to move!"

Krillin was ushering everyone to a safer area while Vegeta challenged Beerus and led him away (and yet another new experience: Vegeta actually giving enough of a shit about the rest of them to move the fight somewhere else where they were less likely to get hurt). Yamcha nodded and headed off with Krillin, keeping an eye over his shoulder at Tien, who had recovered and was following them. When Tien looked over at him, he quickly looked forward again and hoped he hadn't noticed.

They could still see the fight from where they'd moved to, and Yamcha watched Gotenks fly off to rescue Vegeta, who had gotten his ass handed to him. Gohan staggered over to them, and Yamcha hadn't even noticed he'd joined the fighting because he'd been staring at Tien and wasn't that embarrassing as all hell. He clenched his fist in the hem of his shirt and worried at it while he watched the fight. It wasn't good for the material, but it was better than having an entire mental breakdown. What the hell was happening? What the hell was this fight even about? Why was Beerus so angry? Why was he even here?

Was Tien staring at him?

He briefly noticed Chiaotzu making disgusted faces at the two of them before he was suddenly pulled back to the fight by a very familiar voice screaming "THAT'S ENOUGH!"

His head snapped up and he watched Bulma march right over to Beerus, shout at him for ruining her 38th birthday party (and Yamcha knew it wasn't her 38th, but wasn't about to tell anyone else), and slap him across the face. Yamcha almost laughed, because that was exactly what he should have expected her to do, except that Beerus slapped her _back_. She went flying and crashed to the ground, and Yamcha's heart stopped momentarily before realizing she was okay. He breathed a sigh of relief. It would have been very easy for her to have been seriously hurt, but he gathered that if Beerus wanted her hurt, she would be hurt.

Vegeta, on the other hand, didn't share the sentiment. Even from such a distance, Yamcha could see his fists clench and hear his angry cry of " _That's MY BULMA!_ " He could even feel how much sheer power Vegeta was radiating in his rage over his wife's injury. He swallowed and allowed himself to gape, just a little, at Vegeta's significant power boost. He heard Roshi say something about Vegeta being stronger than Goku, and he had to agree. Vegeta definitely loved Bulma, even if he had a weird way of showing it.

And he almost needed to sit down when he realized that he'd reacted very differently to Bulma being hurt as opposed to his reaction to Tien being thrown. When Bulma got slapped, he'd seen that she was okay and relaxed. When Tien was hurt, his whole world just about stopped, even though he was sure Tien wasn't in serious danger. He'd felt the same way about Bulma one time when she fell down the stairs when they were dating. He'd rushed over to make sure she was okay even though she was already on her feet and laughing about it and he hadn't let her out of his sight until he knew for a fact that she wasn't hurt in any way.

Except this time he felt that way about Tien. Not Bulma. Tien. Tien Fucking Shinhan.

The accidental flirting. Noticing little things he hadn't picked up on before, like his biceps or his smile. The previous night's "incident." And now this.

He had fallen head over heels for Tien a while ago and not even noticed.

What a time to figure _that_ out.


	8. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If even Goku is noticing that there's something between you and the guy that you're 99.9% sure you've fallen hard for, then you haven't been nearly as subtle as you thought you were being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yamcha would like to remind everyone that he is, in fact, a Serious Adult who Pays Taxes and Buys Groceries and Votes. Also he is older than you.

Tien had had a fucking exhausting day. Between a vengeful god (an actual god, why was this his life) attacking them and threatening to destroy Earth, all the (frankly exhausting) socializing he was doing, and everything involving Yamcha, he was ready to just quit and go home. Honestly, he wasn't sure which was worse--knowing Yamcha knew how Tien felt, or getting his ass kicked. He was leaning towards the former, though.

Bulma's party had officially restarted once Beerus and Whis left, and Tien was glad that everyone else was having a good time, he really was, but he'd been at the Briefs' house for nearly five hours and he was tired and sore and had the early stirrings of a hangover from all the Hetap earlier. It was time to go home.

His stomach growled. He glanced towards the buffet, still fairly well-stocked despite five Saiyans, Majin Buu, and those gods who could pack away more than even Goku. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to have a quick bite. As long as Yamcha didn't hunt him down, he'd be fine. He didn't want to talk to him and have to admit what he'd been doing for the last two days. He did his best to sneak over to the buffet table, grab a plate of meat buns and stir-fried vegetables, and then hurry over behind a food tent where he probably wouldn't get found out. This was good. He could eat, grab Chiaotzu--who was no doubt just as tired as he was--and leave without anyone noticing.

Except now Yamcha and Goku and Krillin were sitting down at a table right next to his hiding place, and there was no way he was going to be able to get by them without one of them seeing. Fuck. Time for Plan B.

He didn't have a Plan B. He'd have to come up with one while he ate.

Wait, were they talking about him?

~~~

"You know," Goku said around a mouthful of dinosaur kebab, "getting slapped by Bulma almost hurt as much as being knocked around by Lord Beerus."

Yamcha shook his head. "For some reason, I don't find that hard to believe. At all."

Goku swallowed his food and grinned at him and Krillin. "I guess I kinda deserved it, though. For not helping out when I first got here."

Krillin punched him in the arm. "You're damn right you deserved it! 18 could have been seriously hurt, or even killed!"

"I think she and Tien and Piccolo are going to group up and kick your ass later," Yamcha added. "Tien and Piccolo got beaten up with chopsticks. _Chopsticks_ , Goku."

"I said I'm sorry, okay?" Goku whined. He stuffed more rice in his mouth and continued talking. "By the way, Yamcha, speaking of Tien, how's that going?"

Yamcha flinched and Krillin choked. "H-how's what--what did Bulma tell you?" he asked while Goku pounded Krillin on the back.

"Nothing." Goku blinked. "Why, should she have?"

" _No!_ "

"Then why'd you bring it up? Krillin, you okay there?"

Krillin waved Goku off and took a couple deep breaths. "Don't spring random crap like that on a guy, Goku; are you trying to get me killed?"

Yamcha grinned weakly, hoping the subject had been changed. "What, again?"

Krillin pointed his chopsticks at him. "Don't you start that bullshit with me, young man."

"I'm older than you!"

"So anyway, like I said, how's that going?" Goku asked like nothing had happened. "I know I saw you making faces at him earlier."

"I was not!" Yamcha went red in the face and Krillin's eyes nearly fell out of his head.

Goku propped his chin on his hand and sighed dreamily, staring longingly at the dessert table. He looked at Yamcha out of the corner of his eye. "You were looking at him like that," he said. He grabbed another kebab. "Chi-Chi has caught me giving her that face enough times that I know what it's about, son."

"I. Am. _Older_. Than. You."

"Wait, wait, I'm lost here," Krillin interrupted. "Are you and Tien...you know...a thing?"

Yamcha groaned and put his head in his hands. "Alright, look. Tien is flirting with me--I think. I haven't been able to get a straight answer out of him."

Krillin snorted and nudged Goku. "'Straight' answer." Goku looked at him blankly and he sighed. "Never mind."

"Shut up, I'm pouring my heart out over here. So that's happening. And I think, maybe, there's a possibility..." Yamcha took a deep breath, fidgeted in his seat, and dropped his gaze to his small plate of sushi. "Okay, I'm about a hundred percent sure I've fallen for him. Hard. And I only just figured it out like...an hour ago. So I'm kind of a mess internally right now." He looked back at them and they were giving him the sappiest looks in the world. "Stop that," he snapped. "It's not cute at all. It's confusing and weird and I don't even know if he actually is flirting with me or not. I hate it."

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure it's all that," Goku agreed, pushing away his empty dishes.

Krillin nodded in agreement. "I totally understand the feeling. That was my early relationship with 18. It sucks, doesn't it?" Yamcha nodded.

"The cute part," Goku said, "was Tien's reaction to you saying you'd fallen for him."

The blood drained from Yamcha's face and he was pretty sure his heart stopped momentarily. "E-excuse me?"

Goku pointed over Yamcha's shoulder, and when he turned around, sure enough, there was Tien, hiding badly behind a nearby food tent. His three eyes were wide and that ridiculous blush was back, deep red and covering his face and half his head. He looked as frozen as Yamcha felt. "He's been there the whole time," Goku said. "You didn't know?"

Krillin was on the verge of laughter. "You, Son Goku, are such a shitlord."

Goku shrugged. "Yamcha, are you not going to eat your sushi?"

Yamcha barely noticed Goku stealing sushi off his plate because Tien had come over and was standing next to the table. Yamcha stood up, refusing to let Tien have the advantage of height. "So," Tien said casually. "Feelings."

"Don't give me that shit," Yamcha griped. "You started it _whokay where are we going_ "

Tien had grabbed his hand and was pulling him along behind him, away from the party. "Have fun, kids!" Goku called after them.

"We're older than you!" Yamcha snapped back as he stumbled along behind Tien. He could still hear Goku and Krillin's laughter as they quickly but quietly distanced themselves from them.

~~~

For once in his life, Tien had no plan. He was very much a planning person--not to say he couldn't think on his feet, because he had to a lot, but a large part of his Crane School training had been "formulate a plan, then execute it, literally if necessary." But here he was, dragging Yamcha around with no idea where they were going or what they were going to do when they got there.

"Tien, seriously, where are we going?" Yamcha wasn't even trying to get away, for which Tien was grateful. He was having a hard enough time figuring out what he was doing without having to wrestle Yamcha. He didn't give Yamcha an answer, though--even if he had one, he didn't quite trust his voice to work properly. He just pulled him between two Capsule Corp buildings before turning to face him, never letting go of his wrist.

There was no one around. They were far enough away from the party that they couldn't hear any of the sounds from it. It was dark out, but there was enough light that Tien could see Yamcha's features clearly--his face was turned upwards towards his, his eyes reflected the small amount of light, the line of his mouth was soft, his lips just slightly parted. Even in such low light, Tien didn't need his third eye to see that Yamcha was the most attractive man he'd ever seen. He swallowed and slid his grip from Yamcha's wrist to his hand. All the things he'd been thinking of to say suddenly seemed pointless or overwhelming or ridiculous and he squeezed Yamcha's hand helplessly.

"Tien," Yamcha said, and it was breathier than apparently even Yamcha had expected because he blushed and started over, "Tien Shinhan, if you don't say something soon I'm going to do something drastic and embarrassing."

Tien wanted to give some witty comeback, a snappy remark like "go ahead" or "like what?" just to see what Yamcha would do. When he opened his mouth, though, what came out instead was "Is it alright if I kiss you?"

He immediately clammed up, clenching his jaw and pulling back slightly, because they'd been standing so close to each other and that was definitely why Tien had said something so embarrassing, because it wasn't what he'd been planning on saying at all. Yamcha just looked shocked. The man did not have a poker face of any kind; it was always so easy to tell how he was feeling, and Tien had to wonder if that was part of the reason he'd fallen for him in the first place, especially given his own tendency to hide his own feelings.

Finally, Yamcha took a slow breath and blew it out just as slowly. Then he grinned. "Well, I'm pretty sure that was the drastic and embarrassing thing I was going to do anyway." He turned his hand over and laced his fingers through Tien's. "So...yeah, I guess. Go ahead."

Tien let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Yamcha laughed at him, a little nervously, but it quickly died in his throat when Tien brought the hand that wasn't holding Yamcha's up to cup his face. They were both blushing like mad, and Tien could tell he looked ridiculous with his entire head red, but Yamcha--Yamcha was absolutely adorable when he blushed, a healthy rosy glow across his cheeks and nose and up to the tips of his ears.

Pulling Yamcha slightly towards him, Tien leaned forward and pressed their lips together.

Tien had very little experience to compare it to, but the kiss was gentle and sweet and slow and more than a little awkward (they kept bumping noses and that was kind of weird), and he never wanted it to end. He slid his hand into Yamcha's hair (that beautiful long hair that Tien loved so much) and rubbed the thumb of his other hand across Yamcha's knuckles. Yamcha's hand that wasn't holding Tien's had drifted up to Tien's shoulder and was squeezing it gently. It was some time before they pulled apart, and it was only because he forgot to breathe for a minute that Tien pulled away.

Yamcha looked a little dazed, and Tien imagined he wore a similar expression. Then Yamcha took a steadying breath and grinned up at him, still a bit starry-eyed. "So you _were_ flirting with me," he said breathily, and Tien was just a little proud of the fact that _he_ was the reason Yamcha was short of breath.

"You weren't sure?" he asked, running his fingers through the hairs at the base of Yamcha's neck. "I thought I was pretty obvious." Personally, Tien didn't think you could be more obvious than 'is that a challenge,' but he _had_ pretended he was joking.

And Yamcha flushed even deeper at that. "You were! For a normal person!" he griped. "But you're so damn stoic all the time that it's hard to tell! Besides, I always thought you were--" He clammed up and looked away. "Never mind."

"What?" Yamcha didn't answer. "What, you thought I was straight or something?" He couldn't quite keep the laugh out of his voice. Wasn't that hilarious. Tien had known he wasn't straight for almost as long as he'd known Goku and Yamcha and the rest of the group. Sure, maybe he hadn't made it obvious, but--

"No, no, I--I thought you were asexual," Yamcha admitted.

Tien frowned. "What? Why?"

Yamcha shrugged. "I don't know. That's just what I always thought." He looked back up at him. "So you're not?"

He shook his head. "No. Chiaotzu is, but I'm not. Besides, even if I was, do you really think that would make me incapable of flirting?"

Yamcha's grin was back. "No, that's just you. You have even less game than Goku."

"Shut up."

He threw his arms around Tien's neck. "Make me."

It was a harder kiss than their first; Yamcha had both hands fisted in the back of Tien's shirt and Tien gave a slight tug on Yamcha's hair and discovered that he _really_ liked the noise Yamcha made when he did that and their breath was coming a little faster now and--

"Eeeeeewwwwww."

They sprang apart like startled rabbits, Tien almost falling over in his effort to put distance between himself and Yamcha, because Goten and Trunks were standing _right there_ and Goten looked like he'd stepped in something gross. Trunks, on the other hand, just looked embarrassed. Pointedly looking at one of his shoes and not at Tien and Yamcha, he said loudly "Mom wants to see Uncle Yamcha for a minute and she said his boyfriend could come too." Yamcha groaned and ran a hand down his face.

Tien glanced at Yamcha and raised an eyebrow. "Boyfriend, huh? What've you been telling her?"

"Nothing!" Yamcha insisted. "Bulma just loves coming to conclusions all by herself."

"You guys are gross," Goten declared. "Mom and Dad do that sometimes too and it's _gross_." He turned to Trunks. "You don't do that with your girlfriend, right?"

And that was clearly enough embarrassment for Trunks because he grabbed Goten's hand and flew off, Goten complaining that he was pulling on his arm and it hurt. "Go see Mom, Uncle Yamcha!" he called over his shoulder as the boys disappeared.

Yamcha still had his hands over his face and was sighing into them so hard Tien was surprised he hadn't run out of air yet. He casually sauntered back over to him and pried one hand off his face. "Shall we?"

Yamcha studied him from the corner of one eye. Whatever he was looking for, apparently he found it, because he gave another sigh, smaller this time, and adjusted his hand so it was holding Tien's again. "We may as well. They'll find out eventually anyway." He paused. "Can...I need to ask you to take it slow, okay? Or at least slow-ish. You've obviously been dealing with this for...I don't know how long, but more than just the last few days, am I right?"

Tien shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "You could say that, yeah." This was probably not the time to bring the full weight of his feelings down on Yamcha's head.

For his part, Yamcha quirked an eyebrow, obviously knowing Tien had more to say on the subject that he wasn't, but he let it go. "Well, I didn't figure anything out until, like, an hour ago. So this is all really new for me."

Tien leaned forward and pressed his lips to Yamcha's forehead. "I get it. We can take this as slow as you want. That suits me just fine." Tien didn't really know the difference between 'slow' and 'fast' when it came to relationships, having never actually been in one himself, but he figured he could trust Yamcha to know.

Yamcha seemed to relax a little, so Tien figured he'd done something right. "Okay. Right. Good. Should, uh...should we go see Bulma?"

"Yeah, she doesn't like to be kept waiting."

~~~

Yamcha had half expected Tien to let go of his hand once they were visible to the rest of the partygoers again, but considering that he'd dragged him away in plain view of everyone earlier he probably shouldn't have been surprised that he didn't. He did his best not to think or worry too much about it--these were his friends, after all--but it was yet another weird new thing today that he hadn't been expecting to deal with.

Goku, of course, was the first to comment, with a hearty slap to Yamcha's shoulder and another one to Tien's. "So you two _are_ a thing!" he declared loudly.

Yamcha made a face. He was not living this day down ever. "Yes, Goku, as of about five minutes ago."

Goku grinned at them. "Good for you two! Oh, by the way, Bulma's looking for you." He pointed towards one of the tables. "You should probably go find her before she gets mad." And he dashed off towards Chi-Chi, who was holding two more plates of sushi. Yamcha really hoped at least one of those was for her.

Tien tugged on his hand and they started towards Bulma again, but were stopped again by Chiaotzu. He flew in front of them and looked them up and down, arms folded. After a moment, he gave an approving nod. "Good," he said, "now you can stop throwing your thoughts about each other all over the place like teenagers."

Yamcha would have been more embarrassed than he was, except that Tien was apparently embarrassed enough for both of them. He made a very undignified noise somewhere between a grunt and a squeak and blushed scarlet. "Chiaotzu! We don't--I don't--"

Chiaotzu pursed his lips. "You _definitely_ do. It's very annoying. You've had a constant inner monologue about Yamcha for months now, only it's not as 'inner' as you thought it was. And Yamcha's been a constant stew of emotions all day. And now that you two are together--congratulations, by the way--" His expression softened and he smiled at Tien. "Now that you're together, you can stop." And with a thumbs-up for Tien and a nod for Yamcha, he flew off again.

Yamcha glanced at Tien, who still looked flustered. "You wanna just book it?" he asked.

Tien nodded. "It would probably be a good idea, yes." And then he had Yamcha by the waist and was flying at top speed towards Bulma's table and Yamcha was screaming and laughing at the same time because he hadn't been expecting that at all but it was stupidly fun in a way it probably wouldn't have been a day ago. And when they got to the table that Bulma was sitting at with her parents and Vegeta, she was laughing her ass off at them. Vegeta rolled his eyes, but Yamcha didn't even care because the Saiyan was red-faced just from holding hands with his wife in public and that was just the dumbest damn thing Yamcha had seen all day.

"You guys are gonna break something one of these days," Bulma said, still laughing a little. "And I'm not sure if I'm talking about property damage or yourselves."

"That's what Senzu beans and paychecks are for," Yamcha said, because absolutely nothing was going to dampen his mood right now.  
Mrs. Briefs shook her head and gestured to the tea tray in front of her. "Tea, boys?"

"Yes, please." Yamcha settled into one of the chairs and Tien did the same next to him. Generally speaking, refusing food or drink from Bulma's mother wasn't done, not just because it would upset their hostess, but because her cooking was the best by everyone's standards.

There was a strange sort of silence while Mrs. Briefs poured tea and handed it out. Bulma and Dr. Briefs were giving Tien studying looks, and he was squirming under their gaze. Vegeta wasn't even paying attention, just slowly devouring a large plate of tiny sweets and staring off into space.

Finally, Bulma leaned forward. "So, Tien," she said. "How much do you know about my relationship with Yamcha?"

And Yamcha's mood was dampened.

Tien paused, tea halfway to his mouth. "Uh," he said eloquently. "The basics. You dated on and off for a long time, then broke up for good when you and Vegeta got together." Vegeta didn't even look up at his name being used.

"That's right," Bulma acknowledged. Tien took that as a sign to continue drinking his tea. "However, we're also very old friends. The only person at this party that I've known longer than Yamcha is Goku." She nodded in the general direction of the table that the Son family had taken over. "So, Tien, it's like this." She pushed her tea aside a little and nudged Vegeta's arm. He ignored her. She nudged him again. "Hey, asshole, this is the part where you get to look threatening." Vegeta glanced at her, stuffed several sweets in his mouth, folded his arms, and glared at Tien. "I'll take it," she said with a shrug before turning her attention to Tien as well. "I know I can't take you in a fight, but my husband and my son and my oldest friend can." She jerked her thumb towards Yamcha. "So if you make him cry I will personally send all three of them to kick your ass."

Tien choked on his tea and Yamcha wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or hit his head on the table, so he did both. "Don't do that, Yamcha, I'm serious," Bulma snapped. "You're one of my closest friends; I want you to be happy, you fucking loser."

"Language, dear," Dr. Briefs piped up. Bulma rolled her eyes, looking remarkably like Vegeta had earlier. "I'm with Bulma on this one, language aside," he continued. "Tien, you're a good apple, but Yamcha is like a bit of a son to me--I know you're not with my daughter anymore, Yamcha, but there it is. So Bunny and I both want to see him in a nice relationship, and I think you two will be just fine."

"But just in case," Bulma added. "My threat still stands." Vegeta had gone back to his sandwiches and she smacked him in the arm. "Vegeta, pay attention!"

"This has nothing to do with me," he muttered, but he glared at everyone at the table anyway.

Tien still looked rather shell-shocked, but he managed to give Bulma and Dr. Briefs a nod. "I don't intend on hurting Yamcha," he said slowly, like he was choosing his words carefully. "I can't make any guarantees--relationships aren't always smooth." His hand found Yamcha's under the table, and maybe Yamcha shouldn't have been making fun of Vegeta for blushing just from holding hands because he was doing the same exact thing right now. "But I want Yamcha to be happy too," Tien added. "I. Uh. That is to say. Yes."

Yamcha snickered and Mrs. Briefs clapped her hands together. "Well! Now that that's all settled," she said, pushing a plate of daifuku towards them, "who wants sweets?"


	9. Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's important to establish boundaries early in a relationship, especially if one or more person(s) in the relationship are a) inexperienced, b) morons, or c) all of the above.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think this one is my best work but hopefully we'll get better stuff coming.  
> Also next chapter might be nsfw again? We'll see how I feel.

Yamcha was not waiting for the phone to ring. He wasn't. In fact, he was going to use it to make a call in a few minutes. He just...wanted to make sure no one was going to call him first while he was making his call. That was it.

And alright, so _maybe_ he was just a little apprehensive about making this particular call, because it had been about a week since Bulma's disaster of a birthday party and therefore a week since he and Tien had been...dating? Could they even call it that? They'd barely seen or spoken to each other since then, mostly because Yamcha and Puar had had a client for their bodyguarding business that had taken up a lot of their time. So here he was, trying to figure out what the protocol is for calling your--boyfriend? partner?--that you hadn't seen since you started going out.

"You're being silly," Puar announced, entering the cramped living space with a small tray of tea.

"I am not. I'm being practical."

Puar rolled her eyes. "You and Tien were friends for how long before last week?"

Yamcha shifted and accepted the tea Puar passed to him. "I don't know. I lost track."

"Exactly. You're fine, Yamcha. You and Tien are already close. Just pick up the phone and call him."

"But it's _weird_ ," Yamcha complained, and alright maybe he was whining just a bit, but it really was weird to be actually dating Tien. He hadn't even realized that he'd started developing strictly non-platonic feelings for him until someone else pointed it out to him. That alone was weird enough--Yamcha generally thought of himself as someone in tune with his own emotions. It had all happened pretty fast, though, and that was probably why Yamcha was having a hard time figuring things out. Within a day he'd gone from thinking he was basically straight to going out with his male best friend. The whole thing was bizarre and confusing and _absolutely amazing_ and honestly Yamcha couldn't remember the last time he'd been so happy.

That didn't make it any less weird to have to pick up the phone and call his _boyfriend_.

"If you haven't called by the time you finish your tea, I'm dialling the phone for you," Puar threatened. She plopped next to him on the couch, sipping her tiny cup of tea. "I even made the good stuff today. Now call your dumb boyfriend."

"I'm not doing it if you're sitting here watching me," he grumbled.

"If I leave, you won't do it. Now call."

Knowing when he'd been beaten, Yamcha sighed and went to pick up the phone--

And nearly spilled his tea on himself when it rang before he even touched it. He snatched it up, sitting up straight with a huge grin across his face. "Hi!" he said cheerily.

"Uh," Tien said eloquently from the other end of the line. "Hi yourself."

"I was just about to call you," Yamcha explained. He noticed Puar shaking her head at him out of the corner of his eye, but he ignored her. "What's up?"

"Oh, you know." Tien sounded kind of nervous. "Just...figured I'd call. We haven't seen each other much since, um, you know."

"Yeah, that's on me." Yamcha slumped into a more comfortable position while Puar wandered off to the bedroom, probably for a nap. "Sorry about that; Puar and I have been working so much this last week that I've barely had time to water the plants, let alone see anyone."

There was a pause from the other end of the line. "You have plants?"

"Just a few potted herbs," Yamcha clarified. "I can't afford a lot in the way of expensive ingredients, so having potted herbs is a cheap way to make cheap cooking taste fancier. Ever tried basil leaves in an otherwise plain quiche?"

"No."

"I wouldn't recommend it."

Tien laughed and a grin spread across Yamcha's face. He liked making Tien laugh. He didn't laugh much, so getting him to do it was like a personal achievement. _And how long has_ that _been going on?_ he asked himself, then he decided he didn't really want to know the answer to that one.

"Hey, are you busy tomorrow?"

The question was asked casually, but Yamcha could tell it was forced. Tien was nervous. Why the hell was Tien nervous that was almost never a good sign. "No," he said cautiously. Great, Tien's nervousness was making _him_ nervous. "Why?"

"Just checking. So do you want to come out to the farm tomorrow, if you're not busy?"  
Oh sweet Kami he was just asking if Yamcha wanted to come hang out. For crying out loud he'd never been nervous about that before, why was he nervous about it now? Because they were dating? Except now that Yamcha thought of it, he wasn't sure Tien had ever actually asked Yamcha to come hang out. Most of the time, Yamcha would just show up at the farm, sometimes without calling first, or they'd meet up at some gathering or other. So Tien had never actually had to ask Yamcha if he wanted to come over or hang out. He kept forgetting Tien didn't have as much experience with dating as he did (and considering Yamcha's dating history was mostly composed of one person, that was saying something), but he hadn't realized he was that bad. Tien didn't even know it was okay to call up your significant other and ask if they just wanted to chill.

Oh boy.

"Sure," he said, and he heard Tien let out a breath over the phone line, and almost laughed. He could just picture Tien sitting in the stiff wooden chair next to the phone table in the farmhouse, posture rigid, spine ramrod straight, clutching the phone with white knuckled fingers as he waited for Yamcha to answer, then his entire being slowly relaxing once Yamcha said yes. And there was no way Yamcha would've said no, even if they weren't supposed to be boyfriends (and that still sounded weird, even in Yamcha's head), but of course Tien wouldn't know that. It wasn't like his third eye made him psychic. That was Chiaotzu's thing. "Anything in particular in mind," he added, "or do you just want some help on the farm?"

There was a pause and Yamcha wondered if he'd said something wrong. "Well," Tien finally said, speaking slowly as though he was choosing his words carefully, "I was thinking maybe you could just come over and hang out? I mean, I still have to do the farm work, but I got a lot done today so there won't be much to do tomorrow."

_Wow_ Tien was bad at this. Yamcha probably shouldn't have found it nearly as endearing as he did.

"Yeah, okay," Yamcha said, "that sounds good. I'll be over sometime tomorrow. Want me to make dinner? I promise not to make a basil leaf quiche."

"Oh, you don't have to do that." The response was knee-jerk automatic, the same response Tien always gave when Yamcha offered to cook for him. He _knew_ Tien liked his cooking because he always ate extra when Yamcha cooked for him and Chiaotzu (which wasn't often, but maybe would be more often soon?), but he also knew Tien didn't like people to feel like they had to do things for him.

"I'm making you dinner, and you can't stop me."

"Sure I can. I'm still stronger than you."

Yamcha's hand that wasn't holding the phone curled into a fist. "No way! I can still take you!"

"When have you ever beaten me in a fight? Seriously, when?"

"You're getting old, you just don't remember it!"

"We're the same age!"

And just like that, they were back to how they'd always been, half-joking insults and insincere sniping. Yamcha grinned the entire time he was on the phone.

~~~

"You're going to wear a hole in the floor if you keep that up."

Tien stopped pacing and looked at Chiaotzu. He was sitting on the couch, _Journey to the West_ open in his lap again. "I don't know what you're so nervous about," he continued. "It's not like Yamcha's never been over before."

"I'm not _nervous_ ," Tien protested. "Just...concerned." Concerned that Yamcha would change his mind and back out, concerned that maybe things were moving too fast (hell if he knew), concerned that Yamcha would realize he didn't like Tien the way Tien liked him, concerned that he hadn't cleaned the house well enough...was that dust on the windowsill?

"You've seen Yamcha and Puar's apartment," Chiaotzu said, interrupting Tien's train of thought. "Our house is a sterile operating lab compared to theirs. He's not going to care about dust on the windowsill. Or any of that other stuff you're 'concerned' about."

Tien sighed and sat heavily on the couch next to Chiaotzu. "You're right. And I know you're right. But I've never done this before. I don't know how I'm supposed to behave. Sue me for being a little concerned."

"Just act like you've always acted with Yamcha. It's not like he's someone you barely know. Your relationship has just changed, that's all." Tien must not have looked convinced, because Chiaotzu sighed and went back to his book. "Or don't listen to the relationship advice from the aromantic. Go ask Roshi again, because that worked out _so_ well last time."

"Ugh, I'd rather go to _Piccolo_ for relationship advice than--" Tien cut himself off and stood up as he suddenly felt Yamcha's ki in the vicinity. "Here he comes."

"That's my cue, then." Chiaotzu marked his place and got off the couch.

"Wait, where are you going?" Tien asked as Chiaotzu headed for the door.

Chiaotzu looked back at him. "You think I'm sticking around here to watch you and Yamcha be awkward at each other for three hours? No thanks. I'm going to weed that one carrot patch. I'll be back in time for dinner." He slipped out the door, leaving Tien standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Tien could hear him say "Hi, Yamcha!" from the other side of the door, followed by muffled casual conversation between the two of them, and Yamcha laughing sent Tien's face flaming red again. He took a deep breath. He needed to get ahold of himself. This whole 'blushing whenever Yamcha did something' thing was going to get old fast.

"Just go on in," he heard Chiaotzu say, and the door opened and there was Yamcha, all casual clothes and loose, breezy hair and bright, light-up-a-room smile.

"Hey," Yamcha said.

Tien unstuck his tongue from the roof of his suddenly dry mouth. "Hi," he managed.

Yamcha shut the door behind him and set about taking off his shoes. "Sorry I'm late," he apologized. "I got a call right before I left from a former client asking us to do a repeat job."

"Oh. Well, that's good, right?" Why was small talk so weird and awkward all of a sudden? He had no idea what he was supposed to say. What did boyfriends talk about? It was okay to just talk about regular stuff, right? That had worked on the phone yesterday. Or did they have to talk about boyfriend stuff? What counted as "boyfriend stuff?" What--

"You alright there, Shinhan?"

With a start, Tien jolted back to reality. Yamcha was waving a hand in front of Tien's face, looking concerned. "You were kinda scaring me," he said, half-joking. "Don't just back off into your head like that; you know I hate not knowing what's going on."

Tien took a breath. "Sorry," he apologized. "I just got stuck in my thoughts for a minute."

"Yeah, I noticed." Yamcha wandered over to the couch and plopped himself on it like he owned the place. Well, to be fair, it wasn't like he'd never been there before. Some weeks, he spent more time at Tien and Chiaotzu's than his own apartment. "Anything you wanna share?" He asked it casually, but he seemed almost too casual. If Tien knew Yamcha--and he did--he cared a lot about the answer, but was trying to pretend he didn't.

"Nothing that important," Tien replied, sitting at the other end of the couch. His whole body felt awkward and stiff, even more so in contrast to Yamcha casually tucking his feet under him and leaning on the arm of the couch. He needed to relax. It was just Yamcha. "It's just..." He trailed off, unsure whether to tell Yamcha about his concerns from earlier. Maybe honesty was the best policy. "I'm not really sure what's supposed to happen now," he admitted when Yamcha looked at him expectantly. "Do we have to act differently now that we're dating? Because I've always liked our dynamic before now, and I don't want that to have to go away just because we--" He stopped because Yamcha was snickering into his hand. "What?"

"Nothing, sorry, I just," Yamcha chortled, "I keep forgetting you're purer than a newborn babe when it comes to this stuff." He grinned at Tien and Tien tried to be angry, he did, but was hard when Yamcha was turning that damn smile that he'd been in love with for years on him.

"I am not," he muttered, folding his arms and trying not to look petulant.

"Oh, come over here you ass." And then Yamcha's arms were around Tien's ribs and Tien flinched and accidentally elbowed him in the stomach. Yamcha doubled over, clutching his stomach and wheezing. Tien froze, then started apologising over and over, flustered. He'd just acted on instinct, no one ever just _hugged_ him, and now he'd smashed his _boyfriend_ in the stomach.

When Yamcha finally got his breath back, he glared up at Tien, still hunched over a little, and there was a look in his eyes that Tien hadn't seen in a long time--he looked ready to fight. And more than that, he looked like he had when they first met, back when they were both confident they could take down anything that came their way. That old glint of self-assurance and self-destructive confidence was back, and Tien was so busy staring at Yamcha's eyes that when Yamcha shouted "So that's how it is!" and launched himself into Tien, he took at least a second longer than usual to react.

They rolled off the couch and crashed to the floor, a tangle of limbs and laughter. Blows were thrown, though none very hard, and they ended up rolling and wrestling themselves halfway into the kitchen before they collapsed, still laughing. They'd come to a stop with Tien collapsed on top of Yamcha, face half buried in his hair, and Yamcha's limbs sprawled every which way before his arms drifted up to wrap loosely around Tien's torso.

"Geez, Shinhan," he said, still breathless, "can't a guy hug his boyfriend in peace around here?"

"You're hugging me _now_ ," Tien pointed out.

Yamcha smacked his back. "Shut your face. Also, let me up, you're squashing me."

"No." He settled into a more comfortable position and ran his fingers through Yamcha's hair.

"C'mon, Shinhan, don't be an ass." Yamcha squirmed, then abruptly froze. "Uh, Tien, seriously, I need you to move."

Tien pushed himself up onto his forearms, just enough that he could see Yamcha's face again. He was flushed scarlet across his cheeks and nose, his eyes darting away from Tien's. He swallowed and worried at his lower lip with his teeth, and apparently it was the most fascinating thing in the damn world because Tien's eyes were glued to it.

"No, seriously." Yamcha squirmed again and Tien was suddenly _very_ aware of every spot where they were pressed together. "You're getting kinda, uh, 'friendly,' there," Yamcha added when Tien still hadn't moved.

Tien threw himself to the side and off Yamcha, landing flat on his ass. He could tell his stupid ridiculous blush was back but he couldn't focus enough to be bothered by it because _he'd just been on top of Yamcha_. Pressed together from chest to hips. Tien may not have had much context for relative relationship speed, but he was sure that was too fast, and now Yamcha was probably mad at him.

Except Yamcha looked more hurt than angry. He pushed himself up and looked at Tien. "I'm so sorry," Tien blurted. "That was...that was too forward of me. I think. Sorry."

Yamcha's face went through several emotions very quickly: from hurt, to confusion, understanding, and finally amusement. He burst out laughing. "Oh my God, you think I thought you were _trying_ to get some?" he snickered.

Tien threw his hands in the air. "Shut up. I don't have any kind of context for this stuff; how am I supposed to know if something counts as 'moving too fast' or not?"

At that, Yamcha looked sheepish. "Yeah, okay, you're right. I probably should've been clearer on the whole boundary thing. Like I said, you're purer than--"

"I'm a virgin, not an ingenue!" Tien snapped. "I know about _some_ of this stuff, at least! I just..." He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. "I just don't know what counts as fast, or slow, or what your boundaries _are_ to begin with. And I have no context."

Yamcha scooted across the floor to sit beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Sorry. I shouldn't laugh."

Tien waved his concern away and unconsciously leaned slightly into his touch. "No, I shouldn't yell."

"Don't make me start this wrestling match again," Yamcha warned, swatting him on the shoulder. "I'm in the wrong here."

"How dare you insinuate that I'm not actually the guilty party." He swatted Yamcha right back. "Turtle moron."

"Crane bastard."

They were still at it when Chiaotzu came in to get his jacket an hour later.

~~~

Yamcha woke with a start and took about 0.5 seconds to realize he wasn't in his apartment. The room, the bed, the furnishings--they were all totally unfamiliar. Also the bed was much larger and more comfortable than his futon. Where the hell was he?

He threw off the covers and realized that someone had stripped him to his boxers and t-shirt. A quick search of the room found his pants and jacket folded neatly on a nearby chair. He pulled on his pants and slipped out of the room as quietly as he could.

Once he was out in the hallway, he immediately recognized it as Tien and Chiaotzu's house. The lights were all off and he peered around as well as he could in the dim light. Evidently he'd been sleeping in Tien's room for some reason, if the personalized nameplates on two of the doors were any indication. (He distinctly remembered Gohan making those for everyone's birthdays one year--Yamcha had one in his apartment, too.) Why had he been in Tien's room? He didn't remember falling asleep.

Yamcha crept down the hall and managed to get to the bottom of the stairs without stepping on the one creaky step that all old houses seemed to have. The entire house was silent. There wasn't even any wind blowing outside. Tien and Chiaotzu must've been asleep, and Chiaotzu was probably in his own room. But if Yamcha had been sleeping in Tien's room, and Tien wasn't there, where was Tien sleeping?

His question was answered when he walked into the living room and saw Tien asleep on the couch. It wasn't long enough for the tall man, so he was curled up and squashed and looked very uncomfortable. Yamcha had crashed on that couch enough times to know it wasn't a great place to sleep.

He crossed the room and put a hand on Tien's shoulder, intending to gently nudge him awake. But at the soft touch Tien's eyes snapped open and before Yamcha knew what was happening he was pinned to the floor. His hands instinctively went up to defend himself, but Tien said "Yamcha?" like he was just figuring out who he was, and if Yamcha hadn't been so miffed about being pinned on the ground twice in one day he would've rolled his eyes.

"Who else, dumbass? Let me up; this floor thing is getting old."

"What are you doing up?" Tien asked as he pushed himself to his feet and offered Yamcha a hand up.

Yamcha took it. "I woke up and didn't know where I was." He dusted himself off, more out of habit than actual need. "Why are you sleeping on the couch? You have a perfectly good bed upstairs."

Tien shifted his weight. That was surefire Tien-speak for "I am uncomfortable with this topic." "You fell asleep after dinner, so I put you upstairs in my bed. And then I guess I fell asleep on the couch."

Yamcha folded his arms. "You 'guess?'"

Tien shrugged. "Well, I mean. I figured you wouldn't want to share a bed, so--"

"Tien. Seriously. We talked about this literally a few hours ago." They'd had a long, _long_ talk about speed and boundaries while Chiaotzu was out. Yamcha was pretty sure the topic of bed sharing had been covered. "Sharing a bed doesn't count as 'too fast' for me, as long as there's no..." He trailed off and gestured vaguely, feeling himself blushing and _Kami_ why couldn't that annoying teenage habit go away? "Y'know. Funny stuff. And the like. Going on. You know."

Tien rolled his shoulders a little (and that was just not fair, distracting Yamcha with his goddamn shoulders) and stood up straight. "Maybe _I_ wasn't comfortable with it."

Yamcha blinked and unfolded his arms. He hadn't thought about that. Tien had said earlier that he'd go along with what Yamcha said, so he'd assumed...

"It's just," Tien continued, "well, it seems really...intimate. And you were uncomfortable when we were on the floor earlier, so I thought that'd carry over into bed..."

"Well, of course I was uncomfortable. Floors aren't renowned comfort centers, y'know?" Yamcha's attempt at lightening the mood fell flat. Tien glared at him and continued talking.

"You know what the fuck I mean. Anyway, the thought of making _you_ unintentionally uncomfortable made _me_ uncomfortable. I didn't want to go through that, especially without you being in on it since you were pretty out of it. So I'm sleeping on the couch."

It made sense to Yamcha, but he wasn't going to make Tien sleep on the couch in his own house. "Look, come up to bed, you goon," he said. Tien set his jaw and leaned away slightly. Yamcha grabbed his arm. "I'm not letting you sleep on that couch. I have no idea why you guys even keep that thing around; my couch from the thrift store is more comfortable than that thing."

"What, has Puar kicked you off the futon that many times?"

Yamcha yanked Tien's arm and he stumbled forward. "Asshole. Go upstairs and go the fuck to sleep. If sharing a bed makes you that uncomfortable, _I'll_ sleep on the couch. I'm the guest here."

"Exactly, which is why you shouldn't have to sleep on the couch."

"I've slept on it plenty of times and you never objected."

"That was before we were--you know!" Tien gestured vaguely with his free hand. "Boyfriends!"

"Just go upstairs--"

"Will you two _please_ be quiet?"

Both men froze and looked up to see Chiaotzu standing at the top of the stairs, hands on his hips, obviously just out of bed, and not by choice. "The rest of the world is trying to sleep," he added. "Just sleep together already or don't, I don't care, but whatever you do, do it _quietly_. Some of us weeded a carrot patch today and are tired." He disappeared back into his room.

All the energy seemed to suddenly leave Tien's body and he sagged. "Alright. Look. Is it going to bother you if we share a bed and I promise there won't be any...hanky-panky?"

Yamcha snorted. "Hanky-panky? You are such a virgin oh my God." 

"Shut up, Mr. Funny Stuff."

He held up his hands in defeat. "Okay, okay. Yes, it's fine. I said earlier that it was fine as long as there's no 'hanky-panky.'" Tien's scowl would have had more of an edge to it if he hadn't looked like he was about to fall asleep standing up. "But seriously, you look tired. Can we just go to bed already?"

After a deep breath, Tien nodded. "Right. Yes. Just to warn you, though," he said as Yamcha started pulling him up the stairs, "I talk in my sleep. And I'm not used to another person in the bed, so I'll probably hog the blankets."

"Hey, as long as I get to be the big spoon I don't care."

Tien paused halfway through the bedroom door. "Big spoon? What?"

" _Such_ a virgin," Yamcha sighed, shoving him through.


	10. Sparring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A good old-fashioned knock-down drag-out fight is sure to get the blood pumping and by blood I mean hormones and confusing feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with 90% more flashbacks!  
> This is the first chapter with no Yamcha POV at all and it's vaguely disconcerting. SORRY YAMS YOU'RE STILL THE MAIN CHARACTER I SWEAR

When Tien and Yamcha were 29, they had died. Yamcha had died in a sucker punch of an explosion, and Tien had gone out with one last kikoho. Kami had managed to pull some strings and get them to King Kai for training, and on his planet Tien had first realized his feelings for Yamcha weren't exactly platonic.

They'd just been sparring. Everything was harder with the extra gravity, and Tien was sure the only reason they weren't squashed on arrival was because they were dead. Sparring was no exception, so Tien sparred as much as he could, making the most of their time there. He sparred with Yamcha the most, because they were good friends and Chiaotzu didn't spar much and Piccolo generally ignored the rest of them. Tien was okay with that--he liked sparring and spending time with Yamcha. They were 'eternal rivals,' after all. King Kai watched from the side, sipping tea and occasionally offering a pointer or terrible pun. Chiaotzu was watching as well, though he declined King Kai's offer of tea and remained mostly silent.

For some reason, though, Tien was distracted. He should have been focussing on the fight, on his movements, on what Yamcha was doing. Instead, his body was on autopilot as his brain catalogued everything about Yamcha. His hair flying every which way as he moved. The scars on his face he refused to talk about. The tiny area of Yamcha's well-toned chest Tien could see from the cut of his uniform.

Suffice it to say Tien was distracted. Which was bad because he was in the middle of a match.

"C'mon, Tien, pay attention!" Yamcha teased, blocking a punch. He ducked under Tien's arm and swept a foot out to knock Tien over. Tien jumped over it and backed up, trying to get some distance so he could clear his head. He needed to focus and not on Yamcha's bright, teasing smile, but Yamcha followed him, throwing a punch that Tien dodged. "What, you trying to ditch me or something? Get your ass back here!"

And this had gone on long enough in Tien's opinion. He sent a volley of punches at Yamcha's face, fully expecting him to dodge all of them. He did, except he aimed the last one at Yamcha's stomach, and because Yamcha hadn't expected it, that one connected. Yamcha let out an "oof" as the wind was knocked out of him, and he lost his balance, grabbing the closest thing to him as he toppled backwards.

Unfortunately, the closest thing to him was Tien's shirt. Tien lost his balance as well, arms pinwheeling as he was dragged forward and slammed into Yamcha just after Yamcha hit the ground.

He pushed himself up, but Yamcha still had a death grip on the front of his shirt. Yamcha struggled to get his breath back, and somewhere in the back of Tien's mind he knew he should be getting up and getting away from Yamcha. But something held him there, hovering less than a foot away from Yamcha, breathing hard and sweating and muscles straining to keep him from collapsing on top of Yamcha entirely. He stared at Yamcha's face and came to the sudden realization that he was incredibly attractive.

Well, Tien had always known Yamcha was attractive. Anyone could see that; it was an obvious observation. But Tien was noticing _hard_ all of a sudden and a million different desires hit him all at once--to hold Yamcha, to coddle him, protect him, _never leave his side ever--_

And then Yamcha had his breath back and he slammed his forehead into Tien's. Tien reeled back and Yamcha shoved him away and clumsily pulled himself to his feet, dizzy from his own headbutt. By the time Tien was on his feet again, Yamcha had put some distance between them and was laughing.

_Are you okay, Tien?_ Chiaotzu asked telepathically. _You looked kind of shaken..._

_I'm fine._ Honestly, he wasn't sure he was. Tien took up a fighting stance again, resolving not to get distracted again.

~~~

"Spar with me."

Tien looked up from his book. Yamcha was standing in front of him, bouncing on the balls of his bare feet, swaying back and forth in a loose fighting stance. They'd been sitting together in comfortable silence under one of the trees at the edge of Tien and Chiaotzu's property for around an hour, reading. Since they'd started going out, Tien found being in a relationship with someone you already knew well meant you could do the solitary things you enjoyed while being in the company of someone else. It was nice and relaxing and they'd done their own thing while in each other's company before. But after a month of dating, he'd decided he liked it even more once they were in the relationship.

Yamcha hadn't asked to spar with him since long before they'd started dating, though.

"Alright," Tien said, setting aside _Night of the Lonely Hunter_ and hauling himself to his feet. "Any particular reason, or just because?"

Yamcha shrugged, stretching his arms over his head. "No real reason, I guess. I'm trying to keep myself sharp." He paused, his easy smile fading. "I know I haven't been able to help much against some stuff lately. I want to fix that. If something happens again...and it will...I want to be able to face up to it with the rest of you guys."

Tien knew he was talking about Beerus and Buu. He started to speak, to make Yamcha feel better, but Yamcha grinned at him again and said "And sparring is one of the best ways to go about it! Besides, I haven't been able to do any sparring in months. What with work and crap." He bounced backwards a couple of steps and dropped into his old fighting pose. "So spar with me."

Tien rolled his shoulders to loosen them and took up his favourite fighting stance as well. "Alright. If you're that into it. Don't come crying to me when I kick your ass, though."

Yamcha's grin widened and took on a malicious edge. "I could say the same to you." And he was coming at Tien with a kick to the head. Tien ducked and it missed, and Yamcha spun away, laughing. Then he was back in Tien's face with a flurry of punches and Tien blocked all of them before sending a few of his own Yamcha's way. He could feel a grin splitting his face--he hadn't done this in a while, either, fighting for fun, and Yamcha's laughter and happiness was infectious.

This was definitely something they could do more often.

Despite his claims of being out of practice, Yamcha's form and technique hadn't suffered over the years. He was nimble as ever, dodging most of Tien's attacks and blocking the rest. His blows definitely still had the same power behind them as they had years ago, maybe even more so. But Tien hadn't been slacking off, either--he was still just as strong, just as fast, just as goddamn distracted _why_.

It wasn't like he hadn't seen Yamcha recently or anything, so why was he still distracted by his hair and his movements and his _everything_? They were in the middle of a fight, for crying out loud. Even if it wasn't official or life-or-death it was still a fight, and Tien had been trained better than that. He didn't hang onto much from his Crane School training aside from technical things like the kikoho and multiform attack, but one thing he remembered having hammered into him over and over was "never become distracted."

Oops.

Honestly, Tien was more annoyed with himself for getting distracted over someone he saw almost every day than anything. Yamcha and Puar's business was slow, so Yamcha was spending more and more time out on the farm. Tien didn't mind; in fact he was happy about the development. But since they were seeing each other more, and actually dating like Tien had wanted for so long, he thought he would've moved past the distraction stage. Apparently not.

The last straw came when he was paying more attention to Yamcha's hair blowing in the wind than the rest of him and nearly got an arm taken off by a Wolf Fang Fist. (It was always the hair. That beautiful, beautiful hair that Tien had fallen for all those years ago.) "Come on, asshole, pay attention!" Yamcha said, grinning as he bounced back a few steps. (Tien had learned fairly early on that "asshole," "jerk," and other insults could be terms of endearment if used by Yamcha.) "I guess I'm just that much better than you," he added. "I'm gonna kick your ass so hard you're gonna have to retire!"

Trash talk. That was normal; Tien could do trash talk. "When I'm done with you," he countered, getting into position for a kick, "you won't be able to walk for a week!"

Yamcha's mouth went into a tight line and some of the fight dropped out of his stance, replaced with tension and panic. "Wait, what--"

But Tien was already on him, finally landing a blow with a kick to the side. Unfortunately he wasn't as well-balanced as he'd thought, and as Yamcha tumbled backwards Tien was falling forwards. They crashed to the ground in a tangle of limbs, and when everything was sorted out and the dust settled, Tien was about a foot above Yamcha.

Those old emotions started to trickle back, those same impulses to hold Yamcha, protect him, stay with him forever. Except this time, he wasn't interrupted by a smash to the forehead.

Instead it was Yamcha grabbing the back of his head, yanking him forward, and pressing their lips together.

A small part of Tien's brain tried to remind him they were supposed to be sparring. It soon gave up and dropped out of fight mode entirely when Yamcha's hands slid down Tien's back. He pushed forward, resting his weight on his forearms on either side of Yamcha's head. It wasn't sparring, but it was a welcome turn of--

Without warning, Yamcha grabbed Tien's shoulders, levered himself up, and flipped them so he was on top. Tien slammed into the dirt back-first, wheezing from having the wind knocked out of him. Yamcha straddled Tien's waist, looking disgustingly pleased with himself. "What the hell was that?" Tien demanded once he could breathe properly again.

Yamcha folded his arms and frowned down at him. "You started it! 'You won't be able to walk for a week?' Shinhan, you can't _say_ shit like that!"

Tien pushed up onto his elbows. "What? What are you talking--" Realization dawned. " _Oh_."

"Yeah, 'oh' is right, jackass." He reached down and flicked Tien in the forehead, carefully avoiding his third eye. "You can't say shit like that without _repercussions_." He leaned forward. "If you know what I mean."

Tien's mouth and throat were suddenly very dry. He opened his mouth to try and say something, anything, but Yamcha's mouth was on his again and as his eyes slid closed he decided whatever it was could wait. It was a hard kiss, hard and deep, and Tien tried to sit up further so he could use his hands for something other than holding himself off the ground. One hand found its way to tangle itself in Yamcha's hair, the other had to stay propping himself up. And then suddenly there was a hand up his shirt. He started a little at the contact, but Yamcha's hand was warm on his abdomen and he quickly relaxed into it.

Tien would have been quite happy to stay like that for the next several hours, but Yamcha pulled back and gave him a kiss to the top of his head before standing up. "Come on," he said, holding out a hand to help Tien up. "I'd better get started on dinner."

He briefly wondered how annoyed Yamcha would be if he took his hand and yanked him back to the ground, but decided it wasn't worth not eating Yamcha's cooking and accepted the help up. There would be time enough for that later.


	11. Activities of Mutual Interest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well.  
> We all knew this was going to happen eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost had this up for Christmas. Missed it by like 2 minutes.  
> NSFW! SO NSFW! HECKIN' NSFW!  
> Also: most published porn is terrible ok. Let's just. Let's just leave it at that.  
> Also also: It's porn Tien don't try to defend it it's fucking porn.  
> Happy holidays you were all nice so here's your naughty present. <3 See you next year!

Yamcha wasn't much of a reader. He kept up on world news and baseball news and used to have subscriptions to a few sports magazines before his budget shrank again and he had to drop them. But reading as recreation wasn't his favourite hobby, or even in his top five. So he hadn't paid much attention to Tien's bookshelf until he started spending most of his free time at Tien's house.

Tien liked to read. He spent a lot of time doing it, actually. Yamcha had to admit he was a little surprised. He'd thought Tien's downtime activities mostly consisted of training and meditating under waterfalls. But no, he liked reading as well. A lot. Tien and Chiaotzu's shared bookshelf was huge and jam packed, but Yamcha had always assumed most of the books belonged to Chiaotzu. And a lot of them did--Chiaotzu was into classical Chinese literature in a big way and liked to lecture Yamcha and Puar about _Journey to the West_ and _Romance of the Three Kingdoms_. ("He's just glad to have someone besides me to talk to about them," Tien said once. "I've heard his verbal essay about Xuanzang's relationship with his disciples so many times I can recite it in my sleep.") But just as many belonged to Tien, although they were of a significantly...different caliber.

"Dude," Yamcha said one day. He was stretched out on his stomach across the couch, looking up at the bookshelf. Tien looked over from where he was doing dishes in the kitchen. "Why do you have so much gay porn on your shelf?"

As expected, Tien immediately flushed red from scalp to chest. "It's not _porn_!" he sputtered.

"Sure looks like it." Yamcha squinted at one of the titles. "What else would a book called _His Steamy Touch_ be?"

"It's about two men--don't even start," he added, waving his dishcloth at Yamcha when he opened his mouth. "One of them is a lawyer and the other one's a servant for the lawyer's client, and the lawyer falls in love with the servant but they can't be together because of classism and homophobia, not to mention the conflict of interest on the lawyer's part. It's sad. But everything turns out okay and they run away to France together."

Yamcha waited a few more seconds, but apparently that was all Tien had to say. "And that explains the _Steamy_ title because...?"

"It's a steampunk novel!" Tien snapped. "Don't be such a pervert!"

Yamcha sat up to get a better look. "What about _Wolf at the Door of His Heart_? How the hell is that not gay porn?"

"It's _not porn_!" Tien protested again. He paused. "Actually that one does have more, uh, graphic scenes than the other one."

"You have something steamier than _His Steamy Touch_?" He whistled and Tien ignored him. "Scandalous!"

"It's also more violent," Tien added. "One of the guys is a werewolf, and there's a whole thing about the history of humans treating werebeasts terribly and how that continues today, and it's kind of a metaphor for--"

"Sorry, I stopped listening after 'werewolf,'" Yamcha said, hauling himself off the couch. He had to see this. "You read _gay werewolf porn_?"

" _It's not porn!_ "

"And here I thought you were the least tarnished of us all," Yamcha sighed. "Well, except maybe Goku. Pure as the new fallen snow, that one. What a nerd." He tugged _Wolf at the Door of His Heart_ from the shelf and cracked it open, leaning back against the bookshelf.

"...Are you actually reading it?"

"No, I'm just looking at the pages." He looked back at Tien, who was trying to pretend the whole thing wasn't bothering him and mechanically drying the dishes. "I just want to take a look. I've never read this stuff before." Bulma had, he knew that. She used to have quite the little collection of 'romance' novels, many of which involved two (or sometimes more!) men.

There was a very good reason Yamcha knew how many gay romance novels Bulma used to have. He couldn't remember it for the life of him, though.

_"He pushed Lupa away, though his body screamed at him to pull him closer. 'We can't,' he protested weakly. 'Clove is--'_

_'Clove is asleep,' Lupa said, cutting him off and closing the space between them again. 'You put him to bed an hour ago. If you don't want your son to know, he won't, but I want you, Zology.' And he kissed him passionately._

_It was only the second time they had kissed and it made Zology just as weak at the knees as the first. He wrapped his arms around Lupa and kissed him back with equal fervor. He could feel himself getting more and more aroused, and an insistent pressure at his hip indicated Lupa was responding in kind. Oh, he wanted. Oh, he needed._

_Finally, he broke their kiss. Lupa started to protest, but stopped when Zology grabbed his hand and dragged him toward his bedroom. Once inside, Lupa was on him again, hands deftly stripping Zology of his clothes so he was naked and erect before him--"_

"Good read?"

Yamcha nearly jumped out of his skin at Tien's voice, dropping the book and scrambling to grab it and regain his composure. He hadn't realized how absorbed he'd gotten. It wasn't even that good and yet...

He flopped down on the couch and crossed one leg over the other, hoping Tien hadn't noticed exactly how much he'd enjoyed the book. "No," he said. It came out more defensively than he would've liked. "I don't get how you can read that stuff."

Tien shook his head, drying his hands on a towel. "Some of us have hobbies, Yamcha."

"Oh, don't give me that bullshit; you're even more serious about training and crap than I am." He had to think of something else, _anything_ else, than what he'd just read. Puppies. Salad. Chiaotzu talking about classic literature. That did it.

"Well, you know." Tien sauntered over casually. "I get bored sometimes. And sometimes, I get tired of just reading about things."

"Uh." Yamcha didn't have anything to say to that, but it immediately sent his brain whizzing through several steamy scenarios. Tien lying in bed reading, one hand lazily rubbing himself through his pants. Getting more and more aroused, sliding his hand into his pants and sighing in relief at the contact. Eventually abandoning the book altogether and moaning Yamcha's name as he--

"So." Yamcha jumped again; when had Tien gotten into his space like that?! His arms were on either side of Yamcha's head, knees straddling Yamcha's hips, pinning him to the couch. A smile with more subtext than Yamcha could shake a stick at--part lust, part adoration, part awkward shyness, and just a little residual Crane School sadism. "Why don't we leave the books on the shelf for now," he continued, gently taking the book that Yamcha had started gripping like a lifeline and laying it aside, "and focus on the real world?"

Tien's lips were on Yamcha's before he had time to react and he threw his arms around Tien's neck to give himself something to hold onto. His tongue was in Tien's mouth and Tien ground down against him and Yamcha gasped into his mouth and

Yamcha's eyes snapped open and he was suddenly more awake than he'd ever been in his life. He wasn't downstairs on the couch having sex with Tien, he was _in Tien's bed_ and decidedly not having sex with his very asleep boyfriend. And his underwear was sticky.

He had thought he'd grown out of the wet dream stage. Apparently not. Oh this was so gross. And embarrassing. And made all the worse because the earlier part of the conversation was very familiar. He'd had almost that exact conversation with Tien earlier. He really did have half a bookshelf full of homoerotic romance novels. Apparently that fact was more interesting to Yamcha than he'd first thought.

He carefully untangled himself from the sheets and pried himself out of Tien's arms (once he'd figured out the concept of big/small spoon, Tien insisted on being big spoon at least twice a week). Slowly, quietly, so as not to disturb Tien or Puar, who was sleeping at the foot of the bed, he eased out of bed and started to creep out of the room.

"Yamcha?"

He froze and looked over his shoulder at Tien. He rubbed sleepily at his third eye and squinted at Yamcha through the darkness with the other two. "Where you goin'?"

"B-bathroom," Yamcha blurted.

"Oh. 'Kay." And Tien was back to sleep. Yamcha breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't want to have to have the whole "I just had a sex dream about you" conversation, especially at two in the morning.

It was a topic that was going to come up eventually, though. He chewed his bottom lip as he rinsed his boxers out in the bathroom sink. Now that the relationship had been going on for about a month, it was probably okay to approach Tien about it. Yamcha was the one who had asked to take it slow, and he appreciated Tien's willingness to do so. But Yamcha also knew Tien wasn't going to be the one to bring it up--he'd have to do it.

It would be _so_ awkward, though. First of all, he'd never had to bring it up before--when he'd been with Bulma, it had just happened naturally, and the rest of his experience was mostly one night stands. Tien was absolutely not a one night stand, but sex wasn't going to just _happen_ like it had with Bulma, either. So he'd have to figure out a way to bring it up. Then he'd have to actually get Tien in the mood, which, he was finding, was easier said than done. Any sort of physical contact aside from sparring or cuddling (Tien was an excellent cuddler, Yamcha had been pleased to find) was Yamcha initiated. From what he could tell--Tien's hands twitching toward his when he thought Yamcha wasn't looking, relaxing immediately into Yamcha's embrace like he was waiting for it--he _wanted_ to initiate. But he still just felt awkward about it. Either that or he was pussyfooting around Yamcha's boundaries.

He _could_ always just throw him down and tell him to strip. That'd be fun.

Except he might also interpret it as a challenge and they wouldn't get very far.

Yamcha sighed as he hung his soaking underwear over the edge of the shower rod. He'd bring it up. Tomorrow. Right now he had to figure out a way to get back to the bedroom buck-ass nude and without having to explain to Tien why he was naked.

~~~

A week went by.

Then two.

Three days into the third week found Yamcha a tightly wound ball of nerves. Nothing had happened yet, partly because Yamcha and Puar had gotten an emergency client and partly because the longer Yamcha put it off, the more anxious about it he became. And the more anxious he got, the more he put it off. It was a horrible vicious circle, and he knew it, but he needed just a little extra push and it wasn't going to come from him.

(The dreams weren't helping. In fact, they were making things worse. He really, _really_ didn't want to explain to his virgin boyfriend, who he'd known for years, that he'd had multiple wet dreams and fantasies about him. At his age! It was beyond embarrassing. Yamcha had debated talking to someone about it--maybe Bulma, since she knew more about this stuff than he did--but considering it was Bulma, she was just as likely to laugh hysterically at the problem as try to fix it. Probably even more so.)

It got to the point where Tien had asked him multiple times if he was okay after Yamcha made an idiot out of himself because of it. He flubbed his words, tripped over himself, blushed at absolutely _everything_ Tien did (weeding cabbages was not sexy, he told himself, even if Tien did it in that one dream one time). And on one memorable occasion, he tried to lean on the table sexily, missed, and smashed his head on the corner on his way down. That trip to Korin's tower had embarrassed Yamcha more than anything, but it also strengthened his resolve. He _was_ going to have this conversation with Tien. It was going to happen.

He planned it out carefully, making sure it was a time when Chiaotzu was helping out on a neighbor's farm and Puar had stayed back in West City to run her errands. He and Tien were alone in Tien's house. He'd even helped out with chores that morning so they'd be done quicker.

Now he was sitting on the couch, waiting for Tien to come inside. Tien had told him to go in ahead of him, saying he had a few more things to take care of by himself before he was done for the day. That suited Yamcha just fine--it gave him a chance to do some quick preparations. Mostly, those preparations involved displaying himself on the couch in his underwear. When Tien came in, he'd casually glance up at him and go "So. Tien. I think it's time we took things...to the next level."

And as long as Tien didn't immediately turn around and leave they'd be good.

Tien sure was taking his sweet time, though. Yamcha hadn't asked what else he had left to do, so he had no idea how long he was going to have to wait. He'd picked a book off Tien's bookshelf for something to do, but porn really wasn't his thing anymore (and Tien could protest all he liked, it was porn). Besides, so far all that had happened in Ask Me No Questions was the main character complaining about all the wanton sex he had and how he just wanted something _"'more...' Ken sighed and looked off into the middle distance. 'Meaninful.'"_ It had been fifty pages and all Yamcha knew about Ken was that he was stunningly attractive and had a lot of sex. Who read this stuff?

Oh, right. His boyfriend. And ex. Maybe he should give it another shot.

He looked up at a sound from the door. Showtime.

"So, Tien," he started, and the rest of the sentence died in his throat because Tien was leaning shirtless in the doorway.

"Oh hey, Yamcha," he said casually, leaning just so to properly display his many, many muscles. "I'm starting to get a little cold; do you maybe want to warm...me..." He trailed off, blinking at Yamcha displayed on the couch in front of him, and started to turn red. "Uh, why are you naked?"

"I'm not!" Yamcha sat up, blushing. "Why are you shirtless?! Not that I'm complaining," he added.

"I. Uh." Tien visibly deflated. "I was trying to, um, set the mood. As it were."

Yamcha wasn't sure what to say to that. So he said nothing and waited for Tien to elaborate.

"Look," Tien said finally, standing up straight and folding his arms (and shirtless or not, that still looked more like the Tien Shinhan that Yamcha knew). "I know I said I wasn't going to push your boundaries. But, uh, from what I can tell, you seemed...interested." When Yamcha didn't say anything, he continued "So I wanted to show you that I was, too. Interested, that is."

"Hmm." Yamcha leaned on his elbow, still stretched enticingly across the couch. "'Interested,' you say."

Tien seemed very interested in looking at just about anything that wasn't Yamcha. "So. We have the house to ourselves." He glanced at Yamcha lying across the couch, then away. "And it looks like we had the same idea."

Yamcha swung his legs to the floor and stood up. "And here I thought I was being so clever and original," he lamented, stretching.

"Well, at least you came up with it on your own."

Tien looked absolutely mortified at the words as soon as they'd come out of his mouth. Yamcha blinked. "Where _did_ you get the idea from, then?" he asked. Tien came out of the doorway and shut the door behind him in lieu of answering. "Was it from one of your books?" Tien continued to not answer and instead approached Yamcha as he kept talking. "Because I've gotta tell you, _Ask Me No Questions_ is probably the worst book I've ever read--"

And Tien had him by the shoulders and pulled him forward to press their lips together. It didn't take much for Yamcha to relax into him, his arms around Tien's neck, Tien's hands in Yamcha's hair. Yamcha moved just so and they were pressed together from chest to hips, and he felt more than heard Tien take a sharp breath through his nose at that. Confident, he pushed just a little harder, pressing closer, holding tighter, taking control of the kiss and leaving both of them breathless when they finally separated.

Yamcha's chest heaved and Tien was gulping air like each breath was his last, eyes lidded and hands clutching Yamcha's back for dear life. "Like I said," Yamcha panted when he finally got his breath back. "Worst book. I've ever read. But hey, if it was what inspired this?" He slid a hand down Tien's side and bit the inside of his lip at the shiver it sent through Tien. "I can't say I'm complaining."

One of Tien's hands left Yamcha's back and slid up to cup his face, and he leaned forward to give a shorter, gentler kiss than before. "Bedroom?" he murmured when he pulled away.

Yamcha grinned. "I thought you'd never ask."

It took longer than expected to get to Tien's bedroom. One or the other of them kept stopping to yank the other into a kiss or a caress every few steps. When they finally got there, they were flushed and breathless. Yamcha kicked the door shut behind them and dipped his hands into Tien's sweatpants. Tien gasped and grabbed Yamcha's waist and upper back, squeezing him close. Yamcha slowly worked Tien's pants down his hips and dropped them on the floor, face buried in Tien's neck and doing his best to kiss him without leaving any marks.

Tien pulled him back up for another kiss, harder and more insistent than the ones he usually initiated. Yamcha leaned into him, curling one arm around his neck and using his other hand to explore Tien's body. He nearly flinched in surprise when Tien's hands did the same. Even on the rare occasions when they made out, Tien hardly ever moved his hands from running through Yamcha's hair. Now, they roamed Yamcha's body, gentle in some areas, pressing harder in others, and Yamcha had to wonder if this was actually another dream because _when did Tien learn about this_.

He pushed forward and moved them towards the bed. Tien's eyes snapped open as the mattress hit the backs of his knees and he didn't have time to let go of Yamcha before he fell. He dragged Yamcha down with him, his back hitting the mattress and Yamcha crashing unceremoniously on top. He snorted, then laughed when Tien glared at him. "Sorry, sorry," he said, moving in to kiss his jaw as an apology. Tien scooted backwards up the bed, tugging for Yamcha to follow him. Yamcha hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his underwear and Tien swallowed _hard_ , eyes glued to the evidence of Yamcha's arousal. When Yamcha swiftly pulled off his boxers and tossed them aside, Tien swallowed again, and while he seemed to have a hard time looking at Yamcha before, he was having the opposite problem now.

Yamcha crawled up the bed towards Tien, who seemed frozen aside from his eyes. They didn't know what to look at first. They darted up and down and across Yamcha's body, and when Yamcha swung his leg over Tien's to straddle him, they fluttered closed as Tien bowed his head and took a sharp breath in. Tien's briefs were the only remaining clothing, and before Yamcha could get to work on those, Tien's arms were around Yamcha's waist. He buried his face in Yamcha's chest and kissed his way across it, taking the time to explore Yamcha's body with his mouth. One hand slid up Yamcha's back to grab at his hair again, the other down to squeeze his thigh.

Yamcha made a noise that under any other circumstance he'd be immensely embarrassed about. God this was so much better than doing it by himself, even if it was obvious Tien was inexperienced. The occasional scrape of teeth spoke to that. But being here, doing this with Tien, was still better than anything he'd experienced in a long, long time.

Yamcha pulled Tien up for another kiss and dragged his hands across his shoulders and down his arms. He never _used_ to find muscles attractive--he certainly hadn't when he was younger--but Tien's were just _stunning_. He worked his way down Tien's body, finally digging a finger under Tien's waistband. Tien broke the kiss with a shuddering gasp. "Gonna take these off for me?" Yamcha asked. He leaned down to kiss Tien's neck. "Or do I have to do it for you?"

He felt Tien swallow under his lips and that was way hotter than it had any right to be. "Right. Okay. Let me just..." Yamcha had to move and Tien had to lie down to maneuver his underwear off his hips, and by the time he did, Yamcha had burned into his mind forever the image of Tien lying on his back, naked, with his hips high in the air. As soon as Tien had tossed the underwear into some corner of the room, Yamcha was back on top, knees on either side of Tien's waist, leaning forward to pin Tien to the bed. If Tien really wanted to, he could overpower Yamcha and be the one on top fairly easily. But he didn't. Instead, he reached up and took Yamcha's face in his hands, and if Yamcha had been prone to crying he probably would have. Tien's face, normally so stoic and stern and sometimes confused or awkward, had the softest, gentlest expression of adoration. It almost hurt to look at.

Yamcha leaned down so they were pressed together from chest to hips again, a quiet moan escaping him from the skin on skin contact. Tien was less subtle. His eyes went wide, then snapped shut as he let out a low, filthy groan. Yamcha's throat was suddenly dry. He swallowed. Tien worked his eyes open, locking onto Yamcha's face, still cradled in Tien's hands. He tugged, and Yamcha followed, meeting Tien's mouth with his own.

Then Yamcha started to move.

Everything was a bit of a blur after that. Tien's head lolled back and Yamcha buried his face in the crook of Tien's neck again, gasping his name. Tien rolling his hips up to meet Yamcha's. Finding their rhythm. Tien's mouth on his neck, hands in his hair, Yamcha's name on his lips. Yamcha pressing their foreheads together, watching from up close as Tien squeezed his third eye shut and the other two glazed over, whole body tensing with a sharp cry before going slack and boneless, Yamcha joining him soon after...

Yamcha honestly could have fallen asleep on top of Tien afterwards, draped across him comfortably while Tien stroked his hair. It was still the middle of the day, though, and if Chiaotzu came in for lunch and it wasn't ready and he found the two of them like this, they'd never hear the end of it.

Tien kissed the top of Yamcha's head and murmured something into his hair. Yamcha smiled and kissed his jaw.

Maybe just a few more minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Wolf At the Door of His Heart_ is the brainchild of greentrickster/Tie-Dyed Trickster. Who, by the way, is an enabler.  <3


	12. But That's None Of My Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know what's fun? Gossip.  
> Also sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW chapter again because I have no shame or chill goodnight everyone

Chi-Chi was knitting. It was something Yamcha had always known she could do, but it was kind of weird to see her actually doing it. According to Goku, who had dropped by the farm a few days ago to say hi, she'd been knitting nonstop since she found out Videl was pregnant. "Apparently, grandmas are supposed to knit," he explained. "I asked her if grandpas are supposed to do anything and all she said was 'focus on what fathers are supposed to do first.' I think she's still mad about those seven years."

Whatever Chi-Chi was knitting, it was white and fluffy. And enormous. She chatted amiably with Yamcha and Bulma while she knitted, pausing every now and then for a sip of tea. "So what exactly _is_ that?" Yamcha asked her.

She held it up. "It's a baby blanket. Or it will be. I'm keeping the blanket plain, but I've also made some clothes and booties and hats with the family name on them. Goku wants me to make the baby a hat with the four-star Dragon Ball on it, but we'll see."

Bulma shook her head. "You're going to be busier as a grandmother than you ever were as a mother."

"Yes, but the difference is when the baby starts screaming I get to hand it to Gohan and walk away." She looked at Bulma. "By the way, dear, did you _see_ the headline in the Gazette this morning?"

Bulma scoffed. "God, it's like these so-called journalists have nothing to do besides make up stories to make Capsule Corp look bad."

"Oh, I know," Chi-Chi sighed. Her knitting needles never stopped as she talked; she wasn't even looking at what her hands were doing. It was a bit unnerving. "It's almost as if they go out of their way to do it now."

"Sorry, I missed something here," Yamcha said. "What happened?" When Bulma gave him a confused look, he added "We don't get the Gazette out on the farm. And I can't say I miss it; I was thinking of cancelling my subscription anyway. That paper was a waste of trees."

Bulma's eyes glittered and Yamcha realized he'd slipped up. "We?" she asked. Her voice had that false sweetness to it that it got when she was about to pry into someone else's private business. "What's this 'we' I hear?"

Yamcha held up his hands, caught. "Oh, no. You dish first."

Bulma tapped a finger on the table and squinted at him, probably trying to decide if he was deliberately hiding something from her. He tried to look as innocent as possible. Apparently it worked, because she stopped tapping and squinting and folded her arms with a sigh. "So because the Gazette can't actually get any dirt on how Dad and I run the company, they've decided to have a go at our personal lives." Yamcha grimaced. The Briefs family was no stranger to ridiculous shit--in fact they seemed to be just as big a magnet for it as the Son family. But said shit was easy to twist into claims of illegal weapons testing, child labour, and on one memorable occasion rampant drug use. "According to this morning's article, my 'live-in boyfriend' and I are 'on the rocks.'" She snorted and poured herself more tea. "First of all, just because Vegeta and I had a paparazzi-free wedding is no excuse for forgetting I'm married."

"To be fair, it's not hard to forget about a guy who holes himself up in his training room until he's about to pass out from hunger on a regular basis." Yamcha sipped his tea. Bulma had brought out the good stuff for this particular get-together.

Chi-Chi's laugh was quiet and Bulma's glare was deadly. " _Like I was saying,_ " she continued, "they're only calling him my live-in boyfriend because they're trying to make me look bad to all the pearl-clutchers who read their garbage." She clutched at an imaginary strand of pearls around her neck. "Oh my stars!" she wailed. "A _woman_? Living with a _man_? And they're _not married_? What is this world coming to my delicate constitution can't take it!"

"Isn't this the same paper that put you on its list of Most Desirable Bachelorettes last year?" Yamcha asked.

Bulma winked. "Still got it. But yeah, they always seem to conveniently forget I'm married." She leaned back in her chair and shouted into the hallway. "It doesn't help that my husband won't even go to his wife's _birthday party_ if there's not going to be a fight, let alone any of her official Capsule Corp functions!"

"Are you still on about that?!" Vegeta snapped, stomping into the kitchen. He'd clearly just gotten back from training--he was in a tank top with a towel around his neck and he smelled like a high school gym class. "I came to your damn party _eventually_ , didn't I?"

Bulma wrinkled her nose as her husband passed her. "Only because you were trying to get Beerus to leave." She slapped his hand when he reached over her to grab a danish off the plate on the table. He actually recoiled, and not for the first time Yamcha wondered what kind of hell they'd avoided by Bulma never taking an interest in martial arts. "Oh, no, big boy," she said. "Shower first."

He scowled. "I'm _hungry_."

"Shower first," she repeated, "then you can have whatever's left on the plate."

There was a brief staredown, but eventually Vegeta huffed and relented, rubbing a hand through his wife's hair on his way out. "Ass!" she yelled after him, fixing her hair.

Yamcha and Chi-Chi had both watched the whole exchange with amused expressions. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Bulma said. "Honestly, things've been pretty good since the whole Beerus thing. Vegeta actually, like, spends time outside the gravity room." She leaned forward conspiratorially. "Don't tell anyone, but he's talked about having another kid, too."

Chi-Chi's eyebrows shot up and Yamcha choked on his tea. "Really?" Chi-Chi said. "Are you sure that's--"

"Look, I know I'm not getting any younger," Bulma snapped, "but if we're _going_ to have any more, we'd better do it soon. Anyway, like I said, things've been great in between bouts of disappearing to train." Chi-Chi nodded understandingly and Yamcha squirmed guiltily. He used to do that all the time too...but now that he was going out with Tien, neither of them would have to disappear to train. They could train together.

Bulma leaned back, eyeing Yamcha. "Alright, skippy," she said, "so about this 'we' thing you mentioned."

Yamcha groaned. It had just slipped out. "Fine. I've started living with Tien. Happy?"

Apparently Bulma was, because she absolutely beamed at him. "When? Where do you sleep? Where does _Puar_ sleep? Details!"

He held up his hands. "Last week, none of your business, and where she's always slept--with me."

"He definitely sleeps in Tien's room," Chi-Chi declared. Yamcha flushed. "You can see it in his face."

Bulma slugged him in the arm. "Why didn't you tell me, you jerk? I wondered why I could never reach you at home!"

Yamcha shrugged. "It was kind of sudden, honestly." Thinking back on it, though, it wasn't really. Yamcha had already been spending so much time at Tien's over the last four months that he practically lived there already. When Puar had joked that they should just move in with Tien and Chiaotzu, the look Tien had given him...part dumbstruck disbelief, like he was surprised neither of them had thought of it earlier, part nervous anticipation, part raw hope. And Yamcha had to admit, at the time it was hard to see any downside. In fact, a week had already gone by and he still couldn't find any downside. Their lives had already been fitting together for so long that it just seemed like a natural progression.

"But what about your business?" Chi-Chi asked. "Your freelance bodyguard one? How's that going to work if you live outside the city? Even at Nimbus's top speed it takes me an hour to get into town from Mt. Paozu."

He tapped his finger nervously against the side of his teacup. "I, uh, might be quitting that."

"What?!" Bulma squawked. "You can't quit that! It's your business!"

"Oh, please, it's been going downhill since it started. We hardly get any clients, the only employees we can afford are just me and Puar, and I still had to rely on working at Tien's to pay for anything that wasn't food and groceries." He sighed. "Yes, I'm upset because _yet another_ thing that I invested a lot of time and energy into is falling apart. But it's not the end of the world." He grinned. "I should know; it's happened like...twice now?"

Chi-Chi glared at him. "We don't joke about that. I got turned into an _egg_. An _egg_ , Yamcha."

Those knitting needles looked decidedly sharp. Yamcha decided to drop it. "Anyway, it's fine. As it turns out, Tien is terrible at the business of running a farm, and Chiaotzu isn't much better, so Puar and I are going to take care of that. Besides, I'm going to be living on a farm. It's not like there won't be anything to do." Chi-Chi snorted in agreement.

Bulma had leaned her chin on her hand and watched him talk. She smirked. "You're totally sticking this out for the long run, aren't you?"

Yamcha blushed. "What do you mean?"

"You guys've been going out for what...three months?"

"Four."

"Four months, and you're living together and running a farm together and probably picking out curtains and shit together. If you were anyone else, I'd say you were moving too fast." Her smile turned gentle. "But it's you and Tien. I think a little fast is good for you guys--gotta make up for lost time and all. Kami, it's only a matter of time before you--" She broke off abruptly and ran a hand through her hair, still messy from Vegeta's tampering. "Well. I guess maybe it's still a little soon for that."

Yamcha had an idea of what she meant--something he'd wanted for as long as he could remember, something that at one time he thought he wanted with her--and agreed: best friends since forever or no, marriage was still a distant dream. He could see it happening, though, much more easily than he ever could with Bulma. The vision had been there, but it was never quite right, there was always something _off_ about it, but with Tien...

"Here," Bulma said, interrupting his thoughts as she pushed the plate of danishes towards him and Chi-Chi. "Help me eat all of these before Vegeta gets back."

~~~

"I wanna try something," Yamcha panted.

Tien looked up at him from where he was lying flat on his back on the bed-- _their_ bed, that was still so strange and new and wonderful--and drank him in. Holding himself over Tien, naked, hair spilling over his bare shoulders, chest heaving, out of breath because Tien had stolen it, and honestly that was the thing that Tien was still having the hardest time believing, that Yamcha was with _him_ and this was all real. He reached out and brushed some of Yamcha's hair back and nodded, giving his silent consent.

They hadn't had sex a lot since they'd started, and Tien knew that was mostly because of him--sex was something he'd never really needed, and for the most part as far as he was concerned beds were for sleeping, not _sleeping_. Yamcha had never complained, for which he was grateful. He knew there were people that had sex every night (Bulma and Vegeta did, he unfortunately knew, and he wouldn't be surprised if Krillin and 18 had before they had a baby to keep them up instead), but he'd never wanted to be one of them. What they had done so far, though, he'd always enjoyed, and he trusted Yamcha to know what would feel good for both of them.

Yamcha smiled, almost wickedly, and Tien swallowed as Yamcha leaned down to leave a trail of kisses from Tien's jaw to his neck, neck to collarbone, collarbone to chest. He moved back the farther down Tien's body he went, sliding a hand to caress Tien's inner thigh as well. Tien's eyes fluttered closed and he sighed contentedly. If this was what Yamcha had had in mind, it was _nice_.

Yamcha's trail stopped when he reached Tien's hips, both hands on Tien's thighs, sitting between Tien's legs. Tien sat up a little to see what Yamcha was doing and watched his tongue dart out to lick his lips nervously. "I've never done this before," he warned. "I mean, I've had it done to _me_ , but _I've_ never done one and...look, if I do something wrong or you don't like it, tell me and I'll stop, okay?"

Tien blinked and nodded again. He had no idea what Yamcha was doing, but he was sure it was fine.

And then Yamcha ducked his head and sucked the tip of Tien's dick into his mouth and Tien's eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed back onto the bed.

Immediately Yamcha pulled off and Tien _whined_ and if he'd been more himself he would've been embarrassed because he was an _ex-assassin_ for Kami's sake he didn't _whine_. "Not good?" Yamcha asked, worried.

"Yamcha," Tien said, and it came out sounding very choked, "whatever that was, do it again."

Yamcha grinned. "Well. If you insist." And his mouth was back on Tien and Tien clutched the bedsheets and fought to keep his hips still. Yamcha's head bobbed, one hand on Tien's hips to keep them from moving too much, the other wandering across Tien's thigh again. Tien couldn't form coherent thoughts; everything was a cloud of _pleasure_ and there was no way this was lasting very long. He clenched his jaw and hissed when Yamcha pulled off again. "Let me know if you're getting close," he said, working his jaw a bit before diving right back in and _oh what did he just do with his tongue_ because it needed to happen again.

He was already getting close. "Yamcha," he gasped, and after that first one he couldn't stop talking, "Yamcha please I'm so close I'm almost there please Yamcha _please_..." Tien interrupted his own ramblings with a noise that sounded an awful lot like a boiling tea kettle because Yamcha had pulled off again with a slick _pop_ sound and replaced his mouth with his hand, pumping Tien _hard_ and kissing his thighs and

By the time Tien could think properly again, Yamcha had gotten a few tissues and was cleaning them both up. He reached out to help, but Yamcha pushed his hand away. "You still haven't--" Tien started to say, but Yamcha just grinned wolfishly and winked.

"Trust me, sometimes just watching you is enough." He tossed the tissues in the trash and snuggled up to Tien like he hadn't just said something incredibly provocative. "Roll over, big guy, it's my turn to be big spoon."


	13. Anniversary

Answering the phone on the farm still felt strange. Yamcha and Puar had been living with Tien and Chiaotzu for a couple of months, and while some things fell into place naturally, like they'd always lived there--working side-by-side in the fields, sleeping arrangements, who did what chores when--some things were taking longer to get used to. For example, answering the phone.

Yamcha was the only one in the house, though--Puar and Chiaotzu had gone into town for the day and Tien was doing pushups in the snow like a lunatic--so he had to answer it. He abandoned the cookbook he was looking through and picked up the receiver. "Hello?" Hopefully it wasn't the farmer's market coordinator again. Ever since Yamcha had convinced Tien and Chiaotzu that having a stall at the local market was a good idea, the woman who organized it had called them three times a day to harass them about one thing or another. How they set up their stall, what kind of produce they sold, how many employees they were allowed to have at a stall of their size, how apparently they were breaking _every single rule every day_ somehow. Nothing was ever good enough for her and she often mysteriously came down with a bad stomachache whenever Chiaotzu happened to come across her.

"Yamcha, thank Kami." It was Krillin, and he sounded panicked. "It's an emergency; 18 and I need someone to look after Marron for a bit."

Yamcha immediately sat up straighter. "What's going on? Is everything alright?"

"I'll explain later, can you come?"

"Are you at your house?" Yamcha had only been to Krillin and 18's new place once, for Marron's birthday.

"Yeah. Can you come?"

"I'll be there in ten minutes." Krillin hung up as soon as he got a definitive yes out of Yamcha. He stood up, dropping the phone back in its cradle and running to grab a coat. Marron was almost always with one of her parents. If Krillin was actually asking someone to babysit, something serious was going on.

He was half into his coat and hopping around tugging on his boots when Tien came in. "Is...everything okay?" he asked.

"Krillin needs me to babysit," Yamcha explained, finally pulling his boot on and starting to do up his coat. "Apparently it's an emergency."

Tien's stance automatically shifted, hands into fists, one foot sliding back, almost ready to fight. "What happened?"

"No idea. But I'm gonna go take care of Marron while he deals with it." Tien looked unconvinced. "Oh, come on, whatever it is, if Krillin needed something punched he would've asked. Or done it himself. Or gotten his wife to do it."

"I'm going with you," Tien said, in that tone of voice that said "I'm not sure if you're planning on arguing with me or not but if you do I am not backing down on this."

"Then put on a coat, you weirdo; it's fucking freezing out there." He wasn't sure if he was impressed by Tien's ability to train in the cold or annoyed at the fact that he never got sick from it.

Krillin's house was fifteen minutes from the farm if they hurried, five if they booked it at top speed. Despite the fact that it could attract unwanted attention from anyone who could sense ki, Yamcha decided to book it. There weren't that many people who could sense ki anyway, and even if someone did Yamcha was reasonably sure he and Tien could take them in a fight if they had to. But surely no one would bother them.

_What's going on?_

Yamcha nearly fell out of the sky at Piccolo's voice in his head. From Tien's sudden dip in altitude, he guessed that he'd heard it too. He always forgot how far Piccolo's ki sense could stretch while he was meditating. _Nothing,_ he sent back.

_You people don't go anywhere in a hurry unless there's an emergency,_ Piccolo shot back. _What happened?_

At times like this, the best way to deal with Piccolo was to be honest. _I don't know,_ he answered. _Krillin said he needed a babysitter. That's all I got._

There was a pause and he figured Piccolo had severed the connection once he learned the emergency wasn't going to involve beating someone up. Piccolo's mental voice was flat, flatter than usual, and Yamcha couldn't tell if he was more disappointed that there wasn't going to be a fight or that he hadn't been asked to babysit. It was fairly common knowledge that Piccolo liked children, despite his insistence to the contrary.

_You can come too, if you want,_ Yamcha offered. _Probably._ Krillin wouldn't mind. 18 might, though.

More silence from Piccolo's end indicated that the conversation was over. Fine with Yamcha--they'd arrived at Krillin and 18's house anyway.

Yamcha pounded on the door and accidentally put his fist through it. Red-faced, he carefully retracted his hand, checking it for splinters. He heard Krillin shout "Alright, I'm coming, you don't have to break the door down!"

Tien put a hand on Yamcha's shoulder. "Calm down," he said. "I'm sure everything's fine."

Yamcha sighed. This was stressing him out way more than it should. "You're probably right. But Krillin sounded really upset on the phone, and--"

He was interrupted when the door opened to reveal Krillin, in a fancy suit, somehow managing to look both sheepish and annoyed. "Hi, guys," he said.

Yamcha gestured to the new window he'd just made in the front door. "Sorry about that."

"No, no, that's fine." Krillin's voice dripped with sarcasm. He'd clearly been taking 18 lessons. "I was just thinking, 'boy you know why my new house needs? A new door.' Yeah, that's it."

Tien looked over Krillin into his house. "What's going on?"

"Um." Krillin was full-on embarrassed now, shifting his weight a few times and not looking either of them in the eyes before moving to the side. "You'd better come in."

As soon as Yamcha was inside, a tiny ball of blonde hair and green pajamas slammed into his legs. "Uncle Yamcha!" Marron squealed.

"Hey, ankle-biter." Yamcha scooped her up, toed off his boots, and was spinning her around the living room before Krillin had even gotten the door closed. Marron shrieked and laughed.

Yamcha quickly stopped spinning when he almost slammed them both into 18, who he hadn't even noticed had entered the room. She was all dolled up as well, in a pretty dark blue dress that brought out her eyes and silver stilettos that could probably be used as murder weapons. Krillin ambled over to them, digging his toe into the ground. "Krillin, what's going on?" Tien asked again, appearing next to Yamcha and folding his arms.

"It's, um." When Krillin blushed it disappeared into his hairline. (Even though it had been years, Yamcha was still getting used to Krillin with a hairline at all.) "It's our anniversary and we forgot to get a babysitter," he blurted.

"You mean _you_ forgot to get a babysitter," 18 corrected.

"I got the reservations and everything; I thought _you_ were getting a babysitter!"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Yamcha said, holding up a hand, "wacky romcom hijinks, I get it." Krillin blushed darker and even 18 looked slightly sheepish. "When are you guys getting back?"

That sent Krillin into full Dad Mode, explaining to Yamcha exactly what time Marron should be fed at ("quarter to six") and what she was eating ("there's leftovers in the fridge you can heat up and there should be enough for both of you to have some as well") and when she should be in bed ("but if she wants to stay up past 7:30 then she can, just don't tell 18") and what TV shows she _was not_ allowed to watch under any circumstances ("I don't _care_ if she says Mommy lets her watch The Walking Dead, it's a lie, it's Steven Universe or nothing"). "We'll be home around 11 or so probably," he said. "There's a list of emergency numbers next to the phone, and if anything changes on our end we'll call to let you know."

"Krillin, we're going to be late." Tien was awkwardly helping 18 into a fake fur coat. She really was stunning, and not for the first time Yamcha mentally congratulated Krillin for being able to look past the scary part of 18 long enough to fall in love with her.

"Right, sorry. Okay. Thanks Yamcha, we'll be back later!" He floated up to give Marron a quick kiss before joining his wife at the door. "Bye, honey, be nice with your uncles!"

Marron waved wildly as the door closed. Tien grabbed a throw pillow from the couch and started trying to stuff it into the hole Yamcha had made in the door. Yamcha looked down at Marron. "Well, pipsqueak," he said, "what should we do first?"

~~~

"Marron, you need to drink your milk."

Tien had his chin propped on one hand and was watching the ongoing milk battle with amusement. He'd called Puar and Chiaotzu about an hour to let them know where they were and that yes, everything was fine and that no, they shouldn't come join them. In the meantime, Yamcha had successfully fed Marron leftover stew. He was currently having less success with the glass of milk he'd poured for her.

The toddler folded her arms and pouted. "No."

"Ugh, Krillin didn't tell me she was in the 'no' stage," Yamcha complained. Tien just shrugged. "Marron, drink your milk or we don't play the up-down game."

Marron hesitated. She _really_ liked the up-down game. "No," she finally said.

"If you don't drink your milk you're not going to grow up big and strong," Yamcha said. "Don't you want to be big and strong like your mommy and daddy?"

"No! I'm gonna be a plumber!"

Tien snorted. When Yamcha glared at him, he just shrugged. "Plumbers have to be strong, too," Yamcha said, turning back to Marron. "All plumbers drink their milk when they're supposed to."

Marron squinted at her milk, then at Yamcha, then back. There was a knock at the door and the two adults looked at each other. "I'll get it," Tien said, standing up. "Good luck."

"Why is there a hole in the door?" Piccolo asked when Tien opened the door.

"Yamcha. What are you doing here?"

Piccolo shrugged. "Yamcha. He said I could come and it's not like I have anything better to do. Let me in; it's cold."

Tien moved to the side and Piccolo shook snow off his boots before stepping inside. "I hate winter," he muttered. "It's too cold and Mr. Popo fusses about Dende and me more than usual. He keeps throwing blankets on me when I'm meditating. I don't know where he gets them from."

"Take your boots off; you're dripping on the carpet."

"No."

Tien decided not to tell Piccolo how much he sounded like the toddler they were babysitting and went to check on Yamcha's progress instead. When he came into the kitchen, Marron was slamming her empty milk glass on the table and beaming at Yamcha from under her milk mustache. "Done!" she declared.

"Only thirty seconds! Good job!"

"Piccolo's here," Tien informed Yamcha.

"I know; I heard him from here. He's not exactly quiet."

"Shut up," Piccolo called from the other room.

"Alright, Miss Marron, I promised you a up-down game."

Marron shrieked as Yamcha grabbed her around the waist and hauled her into the living room. Tien busied himself with cleanup. He stuck his head into the living room to ask Piccolo if he wanted a glass of water or anything but got distracted by the sight of Yamcha.

He hefted Marron high into the air, then swung her low to the ground while she squealed and laughed. "Up!" Yamcha shouted, swinging her towards the ceiling again. He held her there for a few seconds, then suddenly brought her back down to the floor. "Down!"

Marron was laughing and Yamcha was laughing and even Piccolo had cracked a smile (which disappeared when he saw Tien looking). And Tien had always known that Yamcha wanted marriage and a family and kids of his own, and he knew that all the kids Yamcha knew loved him, and he knew that Yamcha would make an excellent father. But his stomach twisted at the sudden realization that he wanted _so much_ to be a dad alongside Yamcha.

Tien slipped back into the kitchen and leaned against the wall. He'd never thought about being a parent before--he'd never needed to, not with Chiaotzu to take care of. But seeing Yamcha and Marron made him start thinking about it. They'd only been dating for six months. That was not enough time to start seriously thinking about having children together, not for Tien. He was being silly and sentimental and he needed to get a grip because if he started asking Yamcha when they were going to have kids he was going to scare him away. Besides, Tien wasn't sure he'd be a good dad in the first place.

Where would they even _get_ a kid, anyway?

"You're thinking too loud."

Tien jumped at Piccolo's low rumble next to him. The Namekian wasn't even looking at him, just leaning on the wall next to him with his arms folded, staring off into space. "Chiaotzu said you had a bad habit of letting your thoughts leak into your surroundings when you're stressed," Piccolo continued. "You must be hell to live with."

He punched Piccolo in the arm, but there was no real force behind it. "Fuck you."

"Watch your mouth; there's a child in the other room." There was an awkward silence. "For the record," Piccolo said after a few minutes of listening to Yamcha playing catch with Marron, "I think you'd be an alright parent."

Tien snorted. "Just alright?"

"Well, Chiaotzu turned out okay, but he has this weird stare..."

"Chiaotzu is _not_ my son." Tien had to have that conversation with people a lot, but he thought Piccolo would have figure that out by this point. When he looked at Piccolo's face, though, he saw a half-smirk. "Was...was that supposed to be a _joke_?" The smirk widened. "You are the least funny guy I know."

"Whatever. Look, you can't possibly be a worse dad than the rest of us. Them. The rest of--shit." Tien would have gotten on Piccolo's case for swearing when "there's a child in the other room," but Piccolo was actually _blushing_ and he found himself wishing he had a camera instead. "I mean, Goku cares, but he keeps ditching his family to train. I drag Gohan into danger just as often as Goku does. Vegeta, well, he has an even harder time with emotional stuff than me, which even I'll admit is saying something. Just...I can't believe I'm saying this, but emulate Krillin and you'll be fine."

Tien shifted his weight and leaned his head back against the wall. Yamcha and Marron were laughing in the other room, and if Tien shut his eyes he could almost imagine that it was Yamcha and _their kid_ and that was the scariest part of it all--that he _could_ imagine that scenario so easily. Yamcha just made things so easy sometimes and frankly it scared Tien, because if experience had taught him anything it was that whatever was easy probably wouldn't work out. Whether that was because of outside factors or because it was harder than originally thought, time and again things that should have been easy--press a button to blow up an android, gather Namek's Dragon Balls to bring friends back to life, crush the Turtle School students to assert the Crane School as superior--nothing easy ever went as planned.

"You don't give yourself enough credit." The words sounded like they'd been ripped forcefully out of Piccolo's throat. "You think Yamcha will let you off that easy? If he wants to have kids, and you aren't completely opposed to it, I wouldn't be surprised if you managed to adopt some within the year."

"We've only been going out six months."

"And? Is that a long time or a short time?" Tien glared at Piccolo, who shrugged. "I don't know about that stuff. I'm a fighter, not a mushy relationship haver like the rest of you." Tien looked away again. "Talk to him. And don't think I'm babysitting for you, by the way. I'm going to have my hands full with Gohan's kid as it is."

"We haven't even decided we're going to--"

"Uncle Ten!"

Marron was in front of him, tiny fists propped on tiny hips. "Me an' Uncle Yamcha are playing hide and seek and you're playing too!"

"Right, of course." He pushed away from the wall and started to follow her into the living room. "What about Uncle Piccolo; is he playing too?"

"Leave me out of this."

But Marron grabbed Piccolo's hand and pulled. With his superior strength, Piccolo could easily have stayed where he was, but he allowed himself to be "dragged" out of the kitchen.

Yamcha beamed up at Tien from his seat on the floor, and Tien's stomach twisted again. But he took a deep breath, blew it out, and smiled back at Yamcha. They could figure it out.

He really did think Yamcha would be a better dad than any of the rest of them, though.


	14. Baby Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pan is adorable, and theoretically Yamcha's kids would be too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "When will OFNE return from war" the time is now my children
> 
> Also Piccolo hogging Pan Time will never not be one of my favourite jokes. If you are annoyed by this then never read anything I write involving Piccolo ever.

Pan was the cutest baby.

"Of course she's cute," Chi-Chi said proudly, "look at who her parents are!"

Yamcha flushed; he hadn't realized he'd said that aloud. He bounced Pan in his arms a little and she scrunched her face up. He hadn't held a baby since Marron was born. It was amazing how you didn't forget.

He, Tien, and Chiaotzu were at Pan's baby shower. Puar had elected to stay behind; she was sick and didn't want to go anywhere. Yamcha had left her curled up on the couch, surrounded by blankets and with chicken broth to heat up if she got hungry. He felt bad leaving her alone while she wasn't feeling well, but she insisted she was fine and that he should go see Pan. "I know how much you love kids," she'd said, giving Tien a look. Tien had blushed, and Yamcha hadn't had a chance to ask what that was about since then.

Everything in the enormous living room at Gohan and Videl's house was draped in pink. All of the food and napkins and plates were pink. Even baby Pan had a pink onesie on. Yamcha wouldn't have been surprised to learn it was Chi-Chi's doing. Pan yawned and squeezed her eyes shut and Yamcha smiled. "I think she's getting sleepy," he said.

"Here, I'll take her." Videl gently lifted her daughter out of Yamcha's arms and carried her to her armchair in the corner of the room. Gohan hovered nearby, practically vibrating as he tried not to smother his wife and child in affectionate worry. Parenting was going to be interesting for Gohan, Yamcha figured. He was torn between wanting to be there for his family more than his family had been there for him as a child (even if it hadn't always been their fault) and knowing that Videl would sock him if he overdid it.

Yamcha sipped his tea and watched Tien out of the corner of his eye. Tien was perched on an uncomfortable-looking wooden chair next to him, a cup and saucer in his hands and a napkin that used to hold fruit on his lap. He looked awkward, back ramrod straight and feet flat on the floor, knees together. Social gatherings weren't Tien's thing, and everyone knew it. Gohan had made a point of telling him that they appreciated him being there despite that. And he would totally deny it if Yamcha brought it up, but he was actually pretty cute when he was like this. Every so often Yamcha would notice something else about Tien that he found attractive, and wonder how he hadn't noticed how deeply he'd fallen for Tien for so long. If even Tien being antisocial was something he could consider cute, adorable even, Yamcha had it _bad_.

At least Tien was making more of an effort than Piccolo and Vegeta. Vegeta was sitting with his arms crossed, one leg folded across the other, as far away from everyone else (except Bulma, Yamcha noticed) as possible, perpetual scowl still in place. He kept eyeing the happy family they were all there to celebrate, and Yamcha couldn't tell what he was thinking. He hadn't spoken the entire time except to say that he didn't want to hold the damn baby. He had instantly been slapped by an angry grandmother and told to watch his mouth. Piccolo sat cross-legged on the floor, claiming there weren't enough chairs. Aside from her actual blood relatives, Piccolo had spent the longest time holding Pan. But the only ones he engaged in conversation with were Gohan, Goku, Videl, Dende, and anyone who tried to take Pan from him (to whom he would only say "no," unless they were Chi-Chi).

"Hold that pose for a second," Hercule said, squinting at Videl and Pan through the viewfinder of his camera. It was a big, clunky thing and he'd already gone through three rolls of film in as many hours. "I need a shot of you and Pan and Gohan."

"Don't you have enough of those, Dad?" Videl asked, exasperated. "You've been taking pictures nonstop since you got here."

"You've gotta have a variety of shots for a good baby album!" he declared, snapping six pictures in rapid succession.

Yamcha made a mental note to never invite Hercule to any baby showers he may or may not throw in the future.

He glanced at Tien again. It was a subject neither of them had brought up. They'd been going out for nearly a year now, and living together for six months, and honestly a small part of Yamcha was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. They hadn't had any major arguments or even very many minor ones. The biggest things they'd argued about was how much to charge for produce at the market stall and whether blue curtains would match the kitchen countertop better than green ones. After over a decade on and off with Bulma, he'd grown to expect arguing as part of a relationship. But they just...didn't. Usually.

So maybe he should take it on himself to bring up the subjects of marriage and/or children. At this point he'd settle for one or the other if both wasn't an option. Kami knew Tien wouldn't bring it up unless pressed. Maybe he'd bring it up later, after they'd left the party. In the meantime, though, he could still daydream a little, and live vicariously through his friends.

The next time Pan was being passed around, Yamcha was right there immediately.

~~~

"So, I've been thinking."

Yamcha looked over at Tien as they flew along. Chiaotzu had gone on ahead; apparently he'd stayed up late the night before and was eager to get back to the farm for a nap. Tien was looking straight ahead, not even looking at Yamcha with his third eye. That usually meant one of two things: he wasn't actually paying much attention to the conversation, or he was overthinking it. Since he'd initiated the conversation, Yamcha figured he could safely assume it was the latter.

"That can be dangerous," Yamcha quipped back. Tien didn't even crack a smile. "Thinking about what?"

There was a long pause, and for a moment Yamcha thought Tien had abandoned the conversation before it even began, but then Tien said "You really like kids."

Yamcha nodded. "Yes." It wasn't exactly uncommon knowledge. Why was Tien bringing this up? Was it because of the baby shower?

Tien swallowed. "Well, I mean, in the grand scheme of things, we haven't been together long enough to seriously think about--well, you know, but I know you've been thinking about it for--for _forever_ , you know? And I mean I wouldn't be _opposed_ to it, per se, I just--it'd be such a big responsibility and commitment, and it's not that I don't think we're up to the challenge--or even that I don't want to, I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I _do_ , I want to, with you, I mean. If you want to, that is, I haven't even asked if you would, I just _assumed_ \--"

"Tien," Yamcha interrupted, because while watching his boyfriend flounder was weirdly adorable, he also looked like he was about to self-combust, "what are you talking about?"

He turned his face away, but Yamcha could see that the tips of his ears were red. "You know," Tien mumbled, so that Yamcha could scarcely hear him over the wind whipping past. "Kids."

He started to say something else, but was interrupted again by Yamcha slamming full-force into him, grabbing his face, and sticking his tongue down his throat. Yes, yes, a _thousand_ times yes. Family was what Yamcha had dreamed of since he was old enough to understand that he didn't have one, and he wanted it with Tien, _so badly_ , and Tien was _on board_ and this was definitely the best day of his life.

When they broke apart, Tien was flushed and panting, but grinning. "I take it you approve?" he said.

Yamcha leaned down so his lips were right next to Tien's ear. "When we get home," he murmured, smirking when he felt Tien shudder against him, "I'm gonna strip you, kneel at your feet, and _worship_ you, you beautiful, beautiful man."

He heard Tien swallow. "I...is that a yes?"

~~~

Chiaotzu shook as he hung up the phone. Normally, he'd immediately contact Tien with news this big and dangerous and _terrifying_ , but he and Yamcha had come back to the farmhouse with those looks on their faces and gone straight to the bedroom. Really, he could interrupt them--that was always hilarious and awkward, and news like this was definitely important enough--but at this point he felt it was best to leave them alone for as long as he could. If what Krillin had just told him was true, they should spend as long together now as they could.

They might not get another chance.

Frieza was back.


	15. The Argument

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamcha and Tien's relationship has been pretty conflict-free for the most part.  
> Unfortunately, Frieza has a way of bringing out the worst in everybody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is absolutely an argument that happened offscreen during Resurrection F. Fight me.

"I'm going."

Tien's hands balled into fists. "No you are not."

"You don't get to decide that!" Yamcha folded his arms and scowled at Tien. "It's _Frieza_ , Tien. With an _army_ this time, if Krillin's information is accurate. We're going to need all hands on deck for this one. Hell, Roshi is going, and yeah he's one of the old masters but we all know I surpassed him a long time ago. I'm not the same guy who got sucker-punched all those years ago--I'm not the same guy whose leg you broke in the Budokai! I'm going to help fight Frieza, and that's that!"

"Yamcha, please." Tien's face was contorted, pain reflected in his features even as he steadfastly refused to look Yamcha in the eyes. "I can't...if you go, I can't guarantee that you'll be safe."

"I don't care."

" _ **I DO!**_ " he bellowed. Yamcha took an involuntary step back as Tien tried to compose himself. "If something happened to you I'd--I'd never forgive myself, I--I couldn't handle it, Yamcha, if something happened to you or Chiaotzu I'd--I couldn't go on."

"Nothing's _going_ to happen to me, you dumbass Crane bastard!" Yamcha propped his fists on his hips. "I can handle my own in a fight. And I'm not just going to wait around here while you go off and risk your neck! You want me to just sit around the house waiting for you to come back? Fuck that! The guys need my help just as much as they need yours--"

"I'm not _saying_ that they don't need your help, I'm saying that I need to know you're safe!"

"Tough beans! I'm a fighter, just like the rest of you. If Frieza is targeting my home planet you can bet your ass I'll be out there trying to stop him! And if something happens to me in the process, at least I know I wasn't _sitting at home on my ass_ not doing anything about the problem."

Tien kept his eyes on the ground, jaw clenched, clearly fighting back frustrated tears. "I can't lose you," he whispered.

"You won't."

"But I might."

Yamcha planted himself in front of Tien, grabbed his face, and yanked it up to look at him. "You won't."

Carefully, Tien leaned forward and kissed him, slow and gentle. Yamcha allowed himself to relax. Okay, alright, this was a good sign probably. Maybe now Tien would listen to reason--

"I'm sorry," Tien murmured against his lips, and then there was a sharp pain in the side of his neck and he blacked out.

~~~

"Where's Yamcha?" Krillin asked.

"I left him and Chiaotzu behind," Tien said.

Krillin dropped the subject. Tien had a look on his face that told him it was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do.

~~~

"I'M GOING TO KILL HIM."

Yamcha stalked around the farmhouse's tiny living room, fuming. Chiaotzu and Puar sat on the couch, watching to make sure he didn't start throwing things again. When he'd woken up to find that Tien had knocked him out and left, he'd gotten so angry that the force of his rising ki shattered a few windows. It had taken them an hour to calm him down enough that they could start boarding them up again. Yamcha didn't care, though. He was still pissed.

"If he gets out of this alive," Yamcha declared, kicking over a chair on the way by, "I'm going to kill him." Puar righted the chair and Yamcha kicked it over again out of spite. "If he dies I'll collect the Dragon Balls, resurrect him, and then _KILL HIM AGAIN_."

"Yamcha," Puar said, picking the chair up again, "you're not actually going to kill him."

"I just might!" He threw his hands in the air. "Sure, I retired from fighting. That doesn't mean I suddenly became a damsel in distress who can't take care of himself! I could at least take out some of Frieza's army! You know, thin the numbers? Krillin said they needed all hands on deck. I should be there!" He started to kick the chair over again, but Puar sat on it and glared at him. "Besides," he continued, "Tien's all "oh, I don't want you getting hurt" and shit, well maybe he should've considered that I'm going to worry my ass off about him too!"

"You don't need to worry about Tien," Chiaotzu said. "He's probably--" He cut himself off, suddenly staring into the middle distance and looking like he'd just been punched in the gut.

Yamcha and Puar glanced at each other, then back at Chiaotzu. "Uh, Chiaotzu?" Puar asked. "Is everything okay?"

He shook himself. "I just had the weirdest case of deja vu." He wrung his hands. "And I think something is very, very wrong."

Yamcha was at the door immediately. "That does it. I don't care how pissed Tien gets; I'm going."

"I'm going with you," Chiaotzu declared, hopping off the couch. Yamcha didn't bother arguing with him.

~~~

It was over. Goku had won. Tien watched Vegeta and Bulma talk and tried not to show how much he was shaking.

The world had exploded. Everyone had died except the one person who was supposed to.

Chiaotzu.

Yamcha.

Krillin and Gohan had left already, claiming they had places to be. Everyone knew where they were going--home, to their wives and daughters, probably to hug them for the next year or so and (for Gohan, at least) cry for a while. Tien was doing his best to pull himself together before he went home. He knew Yamcha would still be angry with him, and honestly he had every right to be. Kami, maybe he'd been right--if he'd gone with Tien to fight instead of staying home maybe he wouldn't have gotten--

The gravity of the situation sank in again and he felt himself go weak at the knees. He couldn't--they'd been--

A hand clapped itself on his shoulder. "Breathe." Piccolo's voice was firm, but not unkind. "They're alive now, with no memory of their deaths. Time will pass, and Yamcha will forgive you."

He struggled with the first breath, but the second came a little easier. He looked up at Piccolo, who was watching Goku and the gods with an impassive look on his face. "They died. I couldn't stop it."

"I know." Piccolo glanced at him. "So did Dende, and Pan, and Videl, and Mr. Popo. I need to leave soon to check on them. You should go home soon, too."

Tien opened his mouth to say something--what, he wasn't sure--when he suddenly felt a very large, very familiar, very _angry_ ki rocketing towards them. His eyes went wide. "Oh no."

"Or maybe not," Piccolo chuckled. "Looks like he came to you."

Tien's gut twisted. Yamcha knew. Somehow, he knew that even with Tien trying to keep him safe by leaving him behind, he'd still died and he was _pissed_ about it. He was going to die today after all.

"Tien, you okay?" Goku seemed oblivious to either Yamcha's approach or its connotations (or, knowing Goku, both). "Yamcha's coming; that should make you happy, right? And Chiaotzu's with him!"

"Y-yeah," Tien choked out.

Goku peered at his face. "You look more scared of your boyfriend than Frieza!"

Vegeta wandered by, patted his arm in a gesture that almost seemed sympathetic, and walked off.

"And what the fuck was that supposed to mean?!" Bulma demanded, following behind him.

Before Tien could think too hard about it, someone slammed into his chest, knocking him over and leaving him breathless. "YOU ASSHOLE!" Yamcha bellowed, sitting on Tien's chest. "What the fuck did you think you were doing, leaving me behind? _Knocking me out_ and leaving me behind? You think that's okay?" He pointed at Bulma. "Fucking _Bulma_ is here, and no offense Bulms, but she can't fight her way out of a wet paper bag!"

Bulma clocked him in the back of the head. "Eat shit, Yams, you know there's not a damn thing these musclebound idiots can do to keep me from showing up to every fight they get into."

Tien pushed Yamcha back so he was in his lap instead of on his chest and threw his arms around him. He buried his face in Yamcha's chest. "You died."

Yamcha's anger dissipating was practically palpable. "Tien?" His arms went around Tien's shoulders and Tien squeezed him even closer.

"You and Chiaotzu and everybody. You were all dead. Frieza blew up the planet. I couldn't--I wasn't--I didn't--I was wrong. You should've been here with me. I'm sorry." He felt Chiaotzu hug him from the side as well and fought back a sob. "I'm so sorry."

"I know." Yamcha's hands were gentle on his back. "I know."

There was an obvious cough from Tien's right and suddenly he remembered they were surrounded by their friends and two unimpressed gods. Bulma was stifling giggles, Goku was beaming so wide it looked like his face would split in half, and everyone else just looked bored. He shifted under Yamcha to try and get up, but Yamcha clutched him closer. "Oh, no you don't," he said into Tien's shoulder. "You don't get to drop a bomb like that on me _and_ leave me behind and get out of this that easy. You can handle a little public embarrassment. Now stop squirming and kiss me you stupid Crane jerk."

And really, what was Tien supposed to do but comply?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate writing arguments I'm never doing it again they make me tired
> 
> Also you can't tell me Tien doesn't know some variant of the Vulcan neck pinch come on he used to be an assassin he absolutely knows how to incapacitate someone via nerve smashing.


	16. Making Up Is Hard To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamcha is still understandably angry about everything. Tien, true to form, has no idea how to make things better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my name is Ed and I project onto Tien more than is probably healthy
> 
> Also I promise it ends well. I promise you.

It was days before Yamcha really forgave Tien for his stupid stunt.

As soon as they got back to the farmhouse, Yamcha disappeared into the bedroom and wouldn't talk to Tien for hours. Tien figured he deserved that, even if all he wanted to do was hold him and Chiaotzu and remind himself that they were alive for the next three days or so. He contented himself with sticking close to Chiaotzu for the rest of the day and making dinner to the best of his ability (which wasn't much) that night.

All through the meal Yamcha didn't say much, and when he did talk it was mostly to Puar. Tien figured he deserved that, too. Yamcha had every right to be angry with him. What he'd done was selfish and manipulative, and now that he was thinking clearer he could understand that. If Yamcha wanted to pretend he didn't exist that was fine.

(It was absolutely not fine, everything hurt and Tien was not okay and he didn't eat much at dinner because he felt like he was going to throw up. But Yamcha needed time and Tien was going to give it to him. And Kami knew Tien deserved worse.)

After dinner Tien relegated himself to sleeping on the couch without being told. It was clear Yamcha still didn't want anything to do with him, but it wasn't like either of them had anywhere else to go. Yamcha could always go to Capsule Corp, Bulma always made it abundantly clear there was always a room for him there in case of emergency, but Tien took some gratification in the fact that Yamcha chose to stay in the house with him rather than distancing himself even more. (Of course, there was always the possibility that Yamcha had forgotten Bulma's offer, but Tien tried not to think about that.)

Tien didn't sleep well. Every time he started drifting off he remembered the moment when it registered that Earth was gone and with it the people he loved most, and that would startle him awake. He managed to stop checking that Chiaotzu and Yamcha were still there after the third time. Then, of course, around two in the morning, his brain decided to provide him with scenarios where Yamcha broke up with him, never spoke to him again, left in the middle of the night and never came back.

He managed to doze fitfully for about an hour before Chiaotzu came down to get started on chores, and he forced himself to get up and start working too. It wasn't like he was going to get any more sleep. He was so tired that he kept accidentally watering weeds instead of actual plants, but trying to focus on farm work was better than trying not to focus on Yamcha.

Yamcha, for his part, spent most of the day in the house. He was behind on the bookkeeping anyway, and Tien thought maybe it was for the best, especially if Yamcha still didn't want to talk.

Chiaotzu, on the other hand, definitely wanted to talk. "Have you apologised yet?"

"I apologised yesterday."

"Have you apologised _again_?"

Tien shook his head. "I can't apologise _enough_. I don't think there are enough words to tell him how much I wish I could take it back."

Chiaotzu looked up at him, unblinking, steady. "Have you told him that?"

He paused. "Not in as many words, no."

"You should." Chiaotzu went back to weeding. "He loves you, Tien, you know that, but he's hurt. You know how hard I had to work to keep his rampaging thoughts out of my head last night? Harder than usual, that's for sure. It took him hours to shut up and fall asleep. And half of the ones that slipped through were about trying to figure out how to talk to you about this. He's so used to how arguments with Bulma went--there wasn't any of this quiet avoiding each other, it was all shouting and sniping at each other and then not seeing each other for weeks and then makeup sex."

Tien nodded absently. Yamcha had told him some about his relationship with Bulma, both before and after they stopped dating for good. It hadn't been healthy by any means, but it was all either of them knew. He knew he should ask Chiaotzu for advice. Or maybe Puar. Or both. He didn't do well with fights like this--quiet fights, silent arguments, things he couldn't punch or kikoho into submission. Chiaotzu and Puar were both better at it than him, and if anyone wanted to see Tien and Yamcha happy, it was the two of them. They wouldn't steer him wrong.

"What were the other half of his thoughts?" he asked instead, because it was easier.

Chiaotzu's cheeks were always red, but now there was a pinkness to them and he yanked a weed out of the ground in a particularly violent way. "He, um. Yamcha can't seem to decide whether he wants to smash your face in or sit on it."

Now it was Tien's turn to blush. "Oh."

"Yeah." Chiaotzu threw the weed onto the pile like it had personally offended him. "That's mainly why I was trying to keep him out of my head last night."

Tien took a deep breath and let it go slowly. "I'll talk to him. Later. After chores are done."

"Good." He smiled up at Tien. "For the record, I don't think he's as angry about it as you think."

~~~

It was mid-afternoon by the time Tien worked up the courage to try talking to Yamcha. He kept finding things that needed doing, not difficult on a farm, and generally avoiding the conversation he knew they needed to have. Halfway through digging stones out of the tomato patch, he made up his mind. When he was done this job, he was going to go right inside and say to Yamcha "I'm sorry, and can we talk about this?"

...Except the beans needed to be harvested, too.

After _that_ , then.

And on it went until around three in the afternoon, Tien trying to convince himself to have a conversation that needed to happen but would be painful to have, and conveniently finding ways to avoid it. Finally he threw down his gloves in the middle of watering zucchini and moved purposefully towards the house. Under regular circumstances, Chiaotzu would complain that he was leaving early, but he just continued working, flashing Tien a thumbs up on his way by. Tien nodded back, squaring his shoulders and making a beeline for the house. He could do this. He _would_ do this.

He hesitated before going in, hand just a hair's breadth away from the doorknob. Then he took a deep breath and opened the door. This was going to hurt, and be generally uncomfortable. But it had to happen and they both knew it.

"Yamcha?" he asked, slipping through the door as quietly as possible. If he was still angry with him, Tien wanted to aggravate him as little as possible.

But Yamcha was nowhere to be seen. The panic from the night before started crawling up his chest again and he grabbed his arm and squeezed as hard as he could, needing something to ground him. No, Yamcha was here, somewhere, he just wasn't in _this exact room_. This would be fine.

"Yamcha?" he called, walking through the living room and into the kitchen. The paperwork Yamcha had been working on that morning was stacked neatly in a corner of the kitchen table, and someone had clearly been making lunch because there were dishes everywhere. Puar was curled on top of the paperwork, taking a nap in the most inconvenient place as usual. She seemed totally oblivious to Tien's presence. He slipped out of the kitchen again and went to search the rest of the house. Puar's presence helped calm him--Yamcha wouldn't leave without her.

Yamcha wasn't in the bathroom or the laundry room or the pantry. He wasn't on the first floor at all, and Tien's anxiety started going into overdrive--he'd left after all, he'd left without telling Puar, he wanted out of the house that badly--and he hurried up the stairs before it could overwhelm him. He didn't know that for certain. Until Tien couldn't find Yamcha at all, he was going to act like he was still here somewhere.

As it turned out, he was in their room, curled around Tien's pillow on their bed, staring into the middle distance. Yamcha looked up when Tien entered, and Chiaotzu must've been right about Yamcha not being as angry as Tien thought because he actually smiled a little at him. "What?" he asked.

Tien quietly closed the door behind him and made his way across the room to kneel next to the bed. "I couldn't find you," he said. "I got worried."

Yamcha squeezed his pillow a little tighter. "But I'm right here."

"Your ki is so low right now I couldn't tell." Tien leaned his arms on the bed and rested his chin on them, only around a foot from Yamcha's face. "I'm sorry. About everything--forcing you to stay behind like that, it was selfish and manipulative and I shouldn't--I don't get to make those choices for you. And I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough and let you die. I should've listened to you and maybe it--maybe things would've been different. I can't...I don't have enough words to tell you how sorry I am, and I don't know what to do to convince you it won't happen again." He held Yamcha's gaze as steadily as he could, hoping it would help convince him of his sincerity. Yamcha didn't look away, instead staring into Tien's face as though searching for something. "I love you," Tien said, reaching for Yamcha's hand. "And I don't know how to show you how much." He was rapidly running out of words--talking things out was never something he excelled at. But dammit he was going to try. Yamcha needed this, he needed this, _they_ needed this. "Please talk to me," he pleaded, squeezing Yamcha's hand. "Tell me what you want from me."

"I can't." Yamcha squeezed his hand back. "I don't know what I want right now. I hate this. I don't want to be mad at you, but you shouldn't have done what you did."

"I know," Tien started, but Yamcha kept talking over his repeated apology.

"But I thought maybe if I didn't talk to you for a bit maybe I could calm down a little and we could talk stuff out later." He released Tien to run his hand through his hair, and the sinking feeling in Tien's stomach fell away a little when he immediately went to hold his hand again after. "That usually helped with me and Bulma--if we were mad at each other we'd give each other space for a bit and then come back to it later. If we weren't screaming our lungs out at each other, anyway, and the space thing always worked better anyway. But with you..." He trailed off, gaze soft as it met Tien's. "I don't like not talking. We needed time to cool off--or at least I did--that's for sure, but I didn't like not spending the night with you and not talking to you this morning and--I guess I was waiting for you to come apologise, but I didn't really know that's what I was waiting for." He squeezed Tien's hand a little tighter. "So thanks for being a mind-reader, I guess."

That startled a laugh out of Tien, tense and watery as it was. "That's Chiaotzu's thing."

"You can do it too, don't pretend you can't." He took a deep breath. "In regards to your apology...I'm not going to say it's okay, because it wasn't, and I'm done saying things are okay when they aren't. Bulma and I both gave each other enough of that." Tien nodded, a creeping nausea starting in his gut. This was the part where Yamcha told him sorry not sorry, I'm still pissed right off and-- "But I will accept your apology, and I think given a little more time I can forgive you," Yamcha continued. "Just don't do it ever again, okay?"

Tien nodded vigorously, trying to blink back tears of relief. "Yes. Okay. Thank you."

Yamcha smiled at him for the first time since the whole thing started and his heart melted. "What're you crying for, you goon? I just said--"

"Can I kiss you?" Tien blurted. He immediately bit his lips shut because dammit he hadn't asked that since they'd first started going out and he sounded stupid and Yamcha was still mad at him but that was _why_ he wanted to ask--just in case Yamcha was angry enough that he didn't want him to--but--

His brain was silenced momentarily by Yamcha's dry lips pressing gently against his own. "Always." He tugged Tien up onto the bed and settled them into an embrace that was more a tangle than anything. "I know you overthink everything, so I'm going to be blunt: I love you, no matter how angry I get about something, and I think if I can forgive you for breaking my leg then I can forgive you for just about anything."

Tien looked down at Yamcha's face and saw him grinning. All he could do was laugh and press a soft kiss to Yamcha's forehead before burying his face in his hair.

It might take a little while, but things would work out. They always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I told you it ended well! Or at least well-ish!


	17. The Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost a year now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEEEEEEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE

Tien sat with his hands in his lap, digging his fingernails into the palms of his hands in an effort to distract him from his anxiety. Krillin moved around at the edge of his vision, puttering around the kitchen, making white noise that Tien was grateful for. He needed to talk to someone about what he was planning, and Krillin was the only person he could think of to ask. But he wasn't quite ready to ask yet--it would be awkward and difficult and maybe he was procrastinating, but if he could just have another few minutes to clear his head--

A cup of tea slid into his line of sight. "So," Krillin said casually, sitting across from him with his own cup, "what did you want to talk about? Must be pretty serious for you to come all the way into town out of the blue like this."

"I--" Tien stopped, embarrassed. This was stupid. He should leave. Krillin would just laugh at him.

"Is everything okay?" Krilling asked after a moment. Tien glanced up to see his concerned face leaning forward. "Did you and Yamcha have another fight? Or is it still the Frieza one?"

Tien shook his head. "No, that's--that's not a problem. Everything's fine." It had been weeks since either of them even mentioned the name Frieza. Yamcha would still crack jokes about being left behind, but he'd made those for years, and he also liked holding the time Tien broke Yamcha's leg over Tien's head. Tien figured that at this point if Yamcha was still angry with him, he'd know.

"Good." Krillin sat back, relieved, and sipped at his tea. "I'd hate for you two to end up splitting over something like that."

This was it. Tien wet his lips. "Sort of the opposite, actually."

Krillin's eyebrows shot up to where his hairline used to be. "Oho, what's this? You ready to talk?"

"I was wondering how you...that is to say..." Tien cleared his throat. "How do you ask someone to marry you?"

An enormous grin split Krillin's face. "Holy shit. Are you gonna--you're gonna ask--you and Yamcha--this is _fantastic_!" He pumped his fist in the air. "You're gonna _propose_?!"

"Th-that's the plan, yeah." Tien was more than a little taken aback by Krillin's reaction. He hadn't expected him to be so...enthusiastic. "But I don't really know how."

"Oh, please." Krillin rolled his eyes. "If I can propose to the most amazing woman in the world, you can propose to Yamcha."

Tien blinked. "Um. Thank you?"

"Well, there's a lot of ways to go about it." Krillin propped his chin in one hand and looked off into space. "You can go big and flashy, a huge public affair, with like banners and balloons and stuff." Tien's thoughts must have shown on his face, because Krillin hastily added "Or not. You could also not do that."

"I just don't think either of us would be comfortable with that," Tien said carefully. "I mean, he's still a baseball icon, we're both former Budokai semifinalists, I'm an actual champion, there's a certain amount of notoriety that comes with all of that. Hell, sometimes we'll get someone at the market who recognises one or both of us and then it's just...awkward. If I went big and flashy and notice-me...I don't think it would go over well."

"Okay then. So not a big flashy public thing. Got it." Krillin scratched his chin. "What about doing something really nice for him and then popping the question at the end? Like going out for a really fancy dinner and asking then?"

Tien shrugged. "That might seem like I'm buttering him up so he'll say yes."

Krillin snorted. "What, like he's going to say no? Have you _seen_ the way he looks at you?"

Tien had. He wanted to have Yamcha look a him like that always. But that didn't mean he wouldn't worry.

"Anyway, it's a tried and true method. Unless you don't want to do it in public at all."

"I'd rather not." Tien looked at Krillin. "How did you propose to 18?"

To his surprise, Krillin turned red instantly. "We're not talking about that. We're talking about you."

"But if it's something I could do--"

"I asked her in the middle of doing the dishes!" Krillin blurted. He buried his face in his hands. "We were still living at Kame House and it was my turn to do dishes and she was helping because she's really sweet like that and in the middle of it I looked up and the light was hitting her face in like just the right way and she was so beautiful and I just sort of blurted it out and uh." He swallowed. "That's how we got engaged. Didn't even get her a ring for another week and a half."

"Oh." Tien bit back a smile. "I see." He hoped he didn't sound too amused. He'd always thought Krillin had gone the full romantic route, down on one knee after agonizing over it for weeks. It was why he'd asked Krillin about it in the first place--he was the only person he knew that had ever actually proposed to someone.

Although if Krillin hadn't been able to give an actual proposal, what chance did Tien have?

"When I look up, you'd better not be grinning." Tien quickly schooled his features into impassive blankness as Krillin peeked at him through his fingers. "You're good at that. Teach me your ways."

Tien shrugged. "Crane School technique. You Turtle trash wouldn't understand."

Krillin kicked him under the table. "Remember whose house you're in, asshole. You need my help, not the other way around."

"Alright, sorry." A thought suddenly occurred to him. "Do I have to get him a ring or anything?" This would end up being a long and torturous process by the end of it. Good lord, what had he gotten himself into?

"I don't know. I'm not sure if it's different for two guys. With a guy and a girl, it's kind of...expected that the guy do the proposing and that he gets her a ring. I think the only couple I know that did that is the Briefs."

Tien frowned. "Bulma and Vegeta? I thought she proposed to him."

"No, I mean Bulma's parents. Bulma proposed to Vegeta, I think Videl and Gohan just sort of...decided they were engaged one day, and we all know the train wreck that was Goku and Chi-Chi's engagement." Krillin shrugged. "Point is, there's what's traditional and what actually happens. So I guess just do whatever you think would be best for the two of you."

~~~

Like with so many things to do with Tien's relationship with Yamcha, the whole thing came about both suddenly and gradually.

Yamcha and Puar had made hot pot for dinner. The four of them were crowded around the dining room table, talking about their days and the bitchy lady from the farmer's market who wouldn't stop calling them and Bulma's upcoming birthday party. "I hope it's less of a disaster than last year's," Yamcha sighed. "I mean, knowing us, it'll be even worse, but a guy can hope." He reached across the table to grab something and brushed Tien's hand. Tien blushed like they hadn't been dating for nearly a year.

And that was when everything sort of stopped for a moment, because Tien realised it had been almost a whole year since he and Yamcha started dating. A whole year of being together with Yamcha, a man he loved with everything he was, who he'd loved for years before this, who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Sitting at the dining room table, eating hot pot with Yamcha and Chiaotzu and Puar, he realized how domestic their lives had become, how easily they slotted together, as though they'd always been meant to. And he wanted things to stay like this forever.

So he went to talk to Krillin.

~~~

Shopping for rings was difficult. Tien had never seen Yamcha wearing jewelry of any kind before, so he didn't know his taste. And, as it turned out, rings came in different sizes, and he had no idea what ring size Yamcha would wear.

"Just go with something simple," Chiaotzu suggested. Tien had practically begged him to come shopping with him, hoping he'd have a better idea of what to get than Tien would. He didn't. "Yamcha likes simple stuff, right?"

"Sort of? Not really." Tien frowned, chewing a thumbnail. "He takes a lot of pride in his appearance, but he's never worn much jewelry. I don't blame him; it would get in the way in a fight."

"Then get him a really _big_ ring that he can crack someone's skull with."

"Not as an engagement ring!"

"Can I help you?"

One of the associates for the jewelry store stood beside them, trying to smile and failing. She looked more than a little confused and uncomfortable by their appearances, although Chiaotzu's comment about skull cracking might have helped with that.

"Oh, uh, yes." Tien cleared his throat. In hindsight, he probably should have gotten help from an employee right of the bat. "I'm looking for an engagement ring for my boyfriend."

The woman's eyes flicked to Chiaotzu, then back to Tien. "I'm not sure we carry sizes for hands that small."

Chiaotzu's face conveyed exactly how Tien felt. "It's not for me!" he snapped. "Tien, if you need me, I'll be in the food court." He floated off in a huff. To her credit, the sales lady tried not to stare.

"Uh, he isn't my boyfriend, he's my brother," Tien explained. It was easier than the actual explanation.

She looked mortified. "Oh I'm _so_ sorry! I thought--you don't--"

"We don't look related, I know, it's fine." Tien shrugged. "He'll get himself an ice cream sundae and forget this ever happened. Don't worry about it."

"If you say so." She still looked concerned and vaguely ill, but she soldiered on. "Are you having any luck so far?"

"Honestly, no." Tien turned back to the display case he and Chiaotzu were originally looking at. "He doesn't wear a lot of jewelry and I don't know his ring size."

"I see." She walked around to the other side of the case and pointed at one of the rings inside. "That one is one of our most popular designs. It's simple, but elegant, and very affordable."

It was simple and elegant, sure, but that price tag seemed anything but affordable. Tien winced. Why were diamonds so expensive? If he wanted a diamond that badly, he'd go start compressing minerals himself.

A thought suddenly occurred to him. "Do you have any rings with orange gems?"

~~~

Lying with Yamcha in his arms, with Yamcha's head tucked under Tien's chin and their legs tangled together, both of them breathing hard as they came down from their high, was one of Tien's favourite things.

He buried his face in Yamcha's hair and sighed. He never wanted the moments like this to end, when he and Yamcha were free to just be together. No crazy supervillains or science experiments from hell or evil aliens to deal with. No training to do, no world to save. Just their lives to live, together if they so chose. And Tien did so choose. He was all set, with ring purchased and timing chosen. All he had to do now was actually ask.

Yamcha shifted in his arms, and Tien knew he was about to fall asleep. "Hey, Shinhan," he mumbled.

"Yeah?" he replied, stroking Yamcha's hair.

"I love you."

It wasn't the first time he'd heard Yamcha say it to him, but from the way his heart it may as well have been. "I love you too," he murmured into Yamcha's hair. He pressed a kiss to the top of Yamcha's head.

And soon, he would show him just how much.

~~~

"Yo, Tien, look at me for a second."

Tien looked up from his seat on the couch, raising an eyebrow at Yamcha. "You say that like it's something I wouldn't want to do normally."

"Don't be an ass." Yamcha stood in front of him, hands clasped behind his back, stance more solid and formal than usual. He chewed his lip, eyes slightly unfocused. He was nervous for some reason.

Tien put his book aside and sat up properly, reaching out to take one of Yamcha's hands. "Is everything okay? You seem tense." Yamcha kept his hands behind him, and Tien settled for resting his hand on Yamcha's hip instead. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Yamcha reassured him. "I mean, that's the thing. Nothing's wrong. Since we started going out, things've just been getting better and better. I'm so much happier than I was a year ago." He smiled down at Tien, but it wavered. "I love you."

Tien squeezed his hip. "I love you too. But what--"

Yamcha shifted and dropped to one knee, bringing his hands out from behind his back to show they'd been holding a small box. "Will you marry me?"

The world around them stopped. Tien stared from the box to Yamcha's face and back. He didn't--he hadn't--

He'd beaten Tien to the punch.

"I--" His voice cracked, and he dimly noticed there were tears in his eyes. When had that happened? "I was going to ask you that."

Yamcha's small, wavering smile grew, his eyes widening and going misty. "Really?"

"I--I had it all _planned_." Tien fumbled in the pocket of his pants and pulled out the box with his own ring in it. "I was gonna make you dinner and then ask you to--I--"

Yamcha braced his hands on Tien's knees and leaned forward to kiss him. "Is that a yes?" he murmured when he pulled away.

Tien rested his forehead against Yamcha's as tears slipped down his face. "If you'll accept my ring, I'll accept yours."


	18. With This Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vows are spoken. Tears are shed. And nothing bad happens because Ed is sick of her characters suffering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even kidding nothing bad happens in this chapter whatsoever.
> 
> I listened to "Death of a Bachelor" by Panic! at the Disco on repeat for like an hour while I was writing this.

Yamcha's leg wouldn't stop bouncing. "So Bulma, I've got news."

Bulma raised an eyebrow at him. "You're finally returning to your baseball career?"

"What? No, I'm too old for that now; they'd never take me back."

"Are you kidding? You had a perfect at-bat record! They'd be stupid not to!"

He held up his hands. "Okay, but that's not why I'm here." Yamcha propped his chin in his left hand, tapping his fingers against his face in what he hoped was a noticeable but not obvious way. "I was hoping I could rent some of Capsule Corp's grounds for...an event."

She looked at him blankly. "An event? What kind of event?"

"Oh, you know." The tapping increased. "A big one."

"Well, I mean, my birthday is next weekend, but I think that's the only big thing we've got planned right now." Bulma leaned back in her chair, frowning. "What kind of event, though? And I mean, seriously, I'm always glad to see you, but I am supposed to be working right now. You couldn't have just called the receptionist and...scheduled...a..." She trailed off when her eyes caught his left hand. "What's that?"

"What, this?" Yamcha smugly held his hand out for inspection. "Just a little token of affection from someone we both know."

" _You're getting married?!_ " she shrieked, snatching his hand up to stare at the ring. "Holy _shit_ , Yams, are you for real right now?!"

Yamcha could tell the grin on his face was huge and goofy, but he didn't care. "Yeah, I am! I'm getting married!"

Bulma practically launched herself across her desk to hug him. "Oh my _God_! Yamcha, that's _amazing_! When did this happen?! I want details!"

Yamcha couldn't answer. He was too busy laughing.

When they'd both finally gathered themselves enough to hold a conversation again, Bulma immediately socked him in the arm. "You jerk, why didn't you tell me?"

He held his hands up in defense. "I just _did_. Besides, it only happened a couple days ago--"

" _A couple days ago?! _" she shrieked. "Yamcha, you're supposed to go around bragging to everyone right away that you got the best fiance! That's how engagement _works_!"__

__"No, that's how _your_ engagement worked," Yamcha retorted, folding his arms. "Tien and I like to do things a little quieter, keep things a little closer to home longer. That's why we were wondering if we could rent the Capsule Corp grounds, or at least part of them, you know, for the reception."_ _

__"Oh, geez, Yamcha, you don't even have to ask! Just give me a date and the property's yours, free of charge!" She held up a hand when he started to protest. "I'm not going to charge one of my best friends rent for his _wedding reception_. Come on, Yamcha, I'm a good person."_ _

__"But--"_ _

__"Nope! No buts! You're having your reception here at Capsule Corp, and I'm not charging you a cent for it." Bulma folded her arms, her nose in the air, a smug smirk planted on her face._ _

__"Well...thank you." A smile broke out over Yamcha's face. "It means a lot."_ _

__"Hey, like I said." Bulma leaned forward, resting her arms on her desk, giving him a sincere smile. "You're really important to me, you know? So of course I want to see your big day go well." Her eyes brightened. "Oh, man, you _have_ to let me help you plan it. Neither of you knows anything about weddings; you _have_ to let me help you."_ _

__Yamcha leaned back in his seat, gazing at her. A year ago, he'd sat in the same chair, in the same office, with the same woman, and he'd believed himself to still be in love with her. Now, he was back again, and his ex-on-again-off-again-girlfriend wanted to help plan his wedding to the man he'd been best friends with for twenty years._ _

__He cleared his throat. "Actually, I had something else to ask you." Looking away, he tapped his fingers together. "Would you...would you be my best woman?"_ _

__There was silence for a moment, and Yamcha was afraid he'd accidentally offended. But when he looked back at Bulma, her hands were over her face and there were tears in her eyes._ _

__"Oh, Kami," she said hoarsely, "of _course_."_ _

__~~~_ _

__Tien rested his forehead on his arms. "This is the _worst_."_ _

__Yamcha nudged him in the shoulder. "Come on. You've literally died; how is this possibly any worse?"_ _

__"Because," Tien said, blearily looking up at his fiance (and that was still weird--weird but good), "at least on King Kai's planet it was just gravity crushing me, not expectations."_ _

__"Don't be such a baby."_ _

__"I still don't see why we can't just go to the courthouse and have a nice, quiet wedding." Tien sat up and stretched, giving a pleased hum when his spine popped. He'd been sitting for way too long--he needed to move. "Bring a couple people as witnesses, you know. Keep it simple."_ _

__Yamcha shook his head. "It's just important to me that we have a real wedding, alright?" He tapped his pen against the guest list. "You know how long I've wanted to get married. I want it to be great. I want our friends to be there. I want to see you all dolled up and fancy, I want to cry as we say our vows, I want to dance until we're exhausted at the reception and then come home and crash." Yamcha picked up Tien's hand and kissed it, looking up at him from under his eyelashes. "I want our wedding to be as perfect as you are."_ _

__Tien swallowed. "Well. I guess. If you put it that way."_ _

__Yamcha's smile lit up the whole room. "Okay, help me with this guest list. And no, we can't _not_ invite Vegeta."_ _

__"Why _not_?"_ _

__~~~_ _

__"Absolutely not."_ _

__Yamcha scowled. "Alright, what's wrong with _this_ one?"_ _

__Krillin's hands rested on his hips, and if he'd had a nose, it would have been turned up in disgust. "It has tails."_ _

__"I like the tails. The tails are classy."_ _

__"Tailcoats haven't been a thing in decades. And it's not even black or white. Everyone knows that if you're wearing a suit in a wedding party it has to be black or white."_ _

__"What's wrong with grey?!"_ _

__"Black and white go with everything," Bulma explained, emerging from the back of the store with an armload of dress shirts and bow ties. "I don't know, Krillin, I'm with Yamcha. The tails are classy."_ _

__"They're not classy, they're _dated_."_ _

__She scowled at him as she lay down her load. "Who's the fashion guru here? Yamcha, if you can find the tails in black or white, you should get them."_ _

__"Not white," Yamcha said, heading towards the racks. "Tien said white is for funerals, so there's no white in the wedding party."_ _

__"Have you picked your colours yet?" Bulma asked, dropping into a chair and watching the men run around looking for something they could agree on. "I've got to go shopping for my suit too, and it's gotta match your colours."_ _

__"I'd be more worried about it matching Chiaotzu's. He's Tien's best man." Yamcha looked at Bulma over his shoulder. "You know you don't have to wear a suit, right? You can wear a dress if you want."_ _

__She waved him off. "If I wear a suit I don't have to wear uncomfortable shoes, and I don't have to shave my legs. I wore a dress to my own wedding; I'll wear a suit to yours." She snapped demandingly a couple times. "Anyway! Colours. Picked them yet?"_ _

__~~~_ _

__"Okay." Tien looked at the checklist on the table in front of him. "We've got catering and reception booked, the Ox King is apparently allowed to officiate weddings so there's that, we've got chairs and an archway for the ceremony, the ceremony's going to be here at the farm so we don't have to worry about booking that, we have the wedding party all picked out and clothed, except for the ring bearer, who refuses to wear any--"_ _

__"I said I'd wear a bow tie!" Puar interrupted, fur on end. "You're lucky you get that much!"_ _

__"Fine, except for the ring bearer, who refuses to wear anything besides a bow tie." Tien looked blankly at Puar. "Happy?"_ _

__She sniffed derisively and went back to washing her face._ _

__Tien rolled his eyes and went back to the checklist. "We've got a photographer, we've got our speech written, we've got other people who are doing speeches, and almost everyone on the guest list has RSVP'd." He looked up at Yamcha. "I think we have everything."_ _

__Beaming, Yamcha threw his arms around Tien's neck. "We do! We're ready! All we have to do now is wait for the actual day and--" He sniffled. "And we'll be _married_!"_ _

__Tien wrapped his arms around Yamcha and rubbed his back. It was hard to believe, but--he was so incredibly happy. What had he ever done to deserve something--some _one_ \--so good? After all this time, all these years, he was finally getting to spend the rest of his life with the man he loved more than anything. And he got to help Yamcha fill his lifelong dream, as well. Nothing could stop their happiness now, absolutely nothing._ _

__~~~_ _

__Tien's hands were warm in Yamcha's, his eyes just as warm on his face. He looked gorgeous, more than usual, in his red and black changshan, a smile firmly planted on his face and he probably didn't even know it was there. Yamcha only dimly registered their surroundings: the audience, the Ox King's opening speech, Bulma just behind him, Chiaotzu just behind Tien and already crying. All he could concentrate on, all he had eyes for, was Tien._ _

__He'd waited for this for so long. For years, _decades_ , Yamcha had dreamed of getting married, finding someone he could love who would love him the same way, someone he could spend his life and afterlife with. When they first met, Yamcha and Tien hated each other. Then they grew up, and animosity grew into mutual respect and friendly rivalry, then genuine caring and friendship, and now..._ _

__Now they stood in front of each other, vowing to spend eternity together._ _

__Yamcha swallowed, willing himself not to cry. If he thought about it too hard, all he wanted to do was burst into tears and pull Tien into his arms. He ran his thumbs across the backs of Tien's fingers, smiling when he felt his engagement ring. He'd begged Puar to help him look for it, but as soon as he saw the small green stone he knew it was the right one. Sure, he'd gotten the sizing wrong and they had to go exchange it later, but it was the main event that counted in this case, not the details._ _

__He glanced behind him and caught Bulma's eye. She grinned and gave him a thumbs up behind her bouquet. Yamcha's eyes crinkled when he smiled back. This, he thought, was the best way their relationship could ever have come about: married to different people, and closer friends than ever because of it. Some part of him still loved her, but...it wasn't the same as before, when he couldn't get over her. It was different now--Bulma was still his ex, she'd always be his ex, but she was more than that now, she was his dear friend. Sometimes he wondered if he ever would've gotten together with Tien in the first place without her not-so-gentle prodding. Maybe--but it would have taken a lot longer._ _

__Yamcha looked back at Tien just in time for him to start speaking. "Yamcha," he said, and Yamcha swallowed as his heart stuttered, "I take you as my husband, with your faults and your strengths, as I offer myself to you with my faults and my strengths." His voice never once wavered, his smile looking absolutely perfect on his face, like it was meant to be that way. "I will help you when you need help, and turn to you when I need help. I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life." One hand squeezed Yamcha's as the other took one of the rings Puar was holding, sliding it onto Yamcha's finger. "With this ring, I thee wed."_ _

__Things were starting to get blurry, and Yamcha hurriedly wiped his eyes with his free hand. "Yamcha?" said the Ox King. "Are you prepared to say your vows?"_ _

__He nodded hurriedly, swallowed, took a breath. "Tien Shinhan," he started. His throat closed up when he saw Tien's third eye starting to tear up. Oh, Tien couldn't start too, then they'd just stand there and cry and they'd never finish the ceremony part. He cleared his throat and soldiered ahead. "I take you as my husband, with your faults and your strengths, as I offer myself to you with my faults and my strengths." Puar was at his elbow, and he could hear her squeaking as she tried to cry quietly. Yamcha took a breath. "I will help you when you need help," his voice cracked, "and turn to you when I need help. I choose you as the p-person with whom I will--" He stopped, swallowed, started again. "I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life." He fumbled for the other ring Puar held, slipping it onto Tien's finger to join his engagement ring. Their hands looked right together--gold bands shining on their fingers, binding them together forever. In a few moments, things would be official, and they'd be surrounded by their friends, laughing and hugging and crying and congratulating them, and they wouldn't have a moment's peace until the tables were cleared and they were home in their bed, and it would be _perfect_._ _

__But first..._ _

__"With this ring, I thee wed."_ _

__Tien utterly _beamed_ at him, and it was enough to light up the entire farm. He wanted Tien to look at him like that always._ _

__And he always would._ _

__"Well!" The Ox King closed his little book and grinned down at the two of them. "I now pronounce you husbands. You may kiss the groom."_ _

__Yamcha reached out and wrapped his arms around Tien's neck, pulling him down just enough to touch their lips together. Dimly, he heard their friends cheering, and he held Tien a little tighter, just a second longer. Then he pulled back, smiling so hard he felt like his face would split in two. They were about to be swarmed by their friends, and there was still the legal documentation to sign, and they hadn't a moment's peace in _weeks_ and they wouldn't for another few days._ _

__But none of that mattered. Not now._ _

__They were together, and they would be forever._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE BEAST IS COMPLETE. FINALLY I CAN REST.
> 
> A couple little notes before I go:
> 
> -Remember how I mentioned several chapters ago that Gohan had once made little personalized nameplates for people's bedroom doors? His wedding present to Yamcha and Tien is one with _both_ their names on it.  
>  -Tien brings up Yamcha's stint as a host in their speech. This was not a planned part of the speech. Yamcha threatens divorce over this.  
> -After a couple years of enjoying having each other to themselves, they do eventually adopt a child.  
> -I cried writing this, no word of a lie.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who read this! Thank you for your patience with me for taking so long to finish the darn thing. It means so much to me that people liked this story; your kind words about it are what gave me the strength to see it through to the end! Thank you very much!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [And I Quote](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6603493) by [TiedyedTrickster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiedyedTrickster/pseuds/TiedyedTrickster)




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